Am I being unreasonable to mention to H/teacher?

[Feminine]

That a good friend of DS10 has been particularly unkind?

Normally this friend of his seems quite okay, I know the family a bit as we live in a small village...and he has been here to play.

Yesterday, DS came home looking very fed-up. This is unlike him, he is an up-beat child!

Apparently DS's friend unleashed a whole whirlwind of mean things at him:

"Your house is gay...I see you are dumb because you have dysgraphia" while he peered over DS's work. Then whenever DS came to sit down (they sit next to each other) the other boy would move away.

I'm keen to talk to the teacher as this is actually not the first time he has had DS upset.

DS normally refuses to let me tell the school if anything has gone wrong, as he does not want to be known as a "grass"

I think the fact that his friend mentioned his SN (that he has been privy to) was exceptionally cruel.

DS has another SN that causes him confusion, but the friend is unaware of this.

I guess I am in two minds, the school is 'high' on Christmas spirit , its tiny..and to boot the boys Mum also teaches as the school!

I don't want to make things worse for DS? is it possible I will with my seeing the H/teacher?

It is a very 'cozy' school IYSWIM?

Talk to the teacher definitely. If things do get worse just keep going back again and again and again. Hold off going to the H/teacher as your next step if the teacher is unable to do anything.

Agree with Sandstorm - mention to teacher first.

both gay and special needs need mentioning. though could he say what the hell is wrong with gay?

Thank you. I'll see his teacher, she seems a little calmer and not so exceptionally high on the season.

It is funny, normally I'd be in quite quickly to sort things out.

This time I've felt quite unsure

I don't know why?

Perhaps it is because he's getting a bit older and you are thinking about the next school- in which remarks like this might be common and it may be less cozy?

I'm not saying don't go in, a quiet word with the teacher may really help especially about the language but unfortunately children do say mean things - my dd's have certainly had the odd remark, someone running away from them, moving away from their table, saying the odd mean things over one of them not being able to do as much as the others.

If this is sustained over time or is really nasty, then making a fuss about bullying is absolutely the right thing to do. If it is more friends falling out and the odd remark, I may be tempted to talk to your son about what he's going to say when anyone says something like this to him again, as once in secondary, you will be living up there if you go up every time someone says a mean thing to him, although I do agree the line between the odd mean remark and sustained bullying is a thin one and if he's still in primary, it may be worth going in at this time point.

Thanks for that mumsy :)

I think I'm actually more shocked that a friend turned on DS.

It is a really tiny village and school. I think it was a foolish thing for his friend to do, as I could quite easily tell his Mother really wouldn't want to .

DS is very verbal/articulate and very able to take care of himself, a 'side-effect' I suspect from struggling to write down his ideas, and to cover his other LD.

I don't care that he thinks my house is gay! that privately made me scoff. I know he knows it is unacceptable language though.

The fact that DS asked me to talk to his teacher/head had me concerned as he has never asked me to do this previously.

Thank you again.