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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To want to use the car?

29 replies

bobblewobble · 19/12/2013 10:45

It's my husbands work do tomorrow. His work have put on food betwen 1 and 3 so his shift has changed so he can finish at 1. He works at the same place as my mum so I told him today (I found out last night) that my mum and her friends were walking to work so they could have a drink. I normally take my husband to work and pick him up but he is doing the same shift as my mum tomorrow so starts at 6am. Work is a mile away.

He has been undecided whether to come home and change clothes or take clothes with him and wash and change there. As of this morning I did not know what he was doing but assumed he would be taking clothes to change.

My children have school tomorrow and I do three school runs. Weather forecast says torrential rain and flooding. My husband wants me to walk my children to school (half hour walk) so he can take the car so he doesn't miss as much of his works do - they are going out straight after food at work. After taking the youngest to half day nursery I will then need to walk hime and use the car to take him back to work. So I could get home about half 1 from walking. I offered to pick him up straight after taking my daughter to school. Normally get there at 12 minutes past 1 at the latest.

He went crazy and said how the one day he wants the car he can't have it and how he goes out to work to earn to pay off the car etx. I bought the car outright with my £3000 savings btw. (He tells me there is no point in me working as childcare would take up my wage and I can get a job when youngest is in fulltime school) He also said how I was doing it to be awkward with him going out drinking with work.

I admit I do worry with him drinking as my step father was an alcoholic and I hate being around drunk people (he knew this when I met him) I don't drink anything. He sometimes drinks a couple of cans at home and I have no problem with that, he doesn't often go out drinking. I have no problem with him going out but told him after this argument that the amount he shouts at me when sober worries me how much he will shout when drunk :(

Sorry its' so long have made it as small as can be.

Am I wrong for wanting the car, only so my children don't get soaked and muddy on way to school? He thinks I'm doing it to stop him going out but by me having the car he would literally be back at work maybe 10 minutes later? :'(

OP posts:
DidoTheDodo · 19/12/2013 10:47

This is what taxis are for. For whichever of you doesn't have the car.

Bloodyteenagers · 19/12/2013 10:55

So he wants to have a drink?
For this basis only, he cannot have the car. Him taking the car, will mean either it will be parked at work overnight, or worse still he will be drink driving. If this is his idea, then he needs his balls ripping off.

plainjanine · 19/12/2013 10:56

I can't believe he gets you to give him a lift to work every day when it's only a mile. That's 15 minutes walk at most.

Other than that, he sounds like he's being an arse. YANBU.

TheBrotherHoodOfSteel · 19/12/2013 10:58

Keep the car and tell him to get a taxi! Grin

yourusername123456789 · 19/12/2013 10:58

He only works a mile away? surely it is easier for him to walk. I'm sorry I didn't really understand the logistics of where you'll be at various times and what this means to him, but it's a mile a way! Unless there is some underlying issues I'd never dream of asking for a lift for 1 mile.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 19/12/2013 11:03

Does he have a bike?

YANBU anyway sounds like your need for the car is greater than his and you're offering him a lift anyway. Is the problem that he doesn't want to walk home after the do?

Original poster
bobblewobble · 19/12/2013 11:05

I take him to work for 8am go back home, take my oldest to school for 8:45. My youngest starts at 1pm, I pick them both up at 3.15 and 3.30 go home and then back to him for 4:30.

He wouldn't be drinking and driving as his shift would be 6am until 1pm so I would have to walk to take the oldest to school and back and then walk to take the youngest and back. By the time I walk back he will be ready for me to drive him back to work where his work party will start.

Whereas I would have rathered have the car so I can take both my children to school and then drive straight to him after youngest starts and get there by 12 minutes past one and home to change then take him back down. But he says he doesn't want to stand around and wait for me and it's taking time off his work do?

OP posts:
Original poster
bobblewobble · 19/12/2013 11:06

He is planning on either walking or getting a taxi when he finishes his night out. (They don't know where they are going or anything yet)

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 19/12/2013 11:08

Why can't he take something to change into at work then he's not missing out on any of the party?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 19/12/2013 11:11

Your proposal of getting him straight after dropping your DC2 at pre-school is also fine but will obviously eat into the party a bit.

Original poster
bobblewobble · 19/12/2013 11:19

He said he would rather go home first so he can have a proper wash and change first. He sometimes gets dirty in his job!

I can understand him wanting the car but for the sake of 10 minutes and the children get to go to school dry and clean? If I pick him straight up we will get home by 1:15 and he says he will take half hour to get ready. If he has the car he will get home just after 5 past and take him half hour to get ready but he will have to wait for me to walk the half hour home before I can take him back down anyway?

If 10 minutes means that much to him from starting at 1pm to home around midnight, he should just take his clothes with him! I'm picking my mum up from work to so she can keep his stuff for him and bring it home.

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 19/12/2013 11:23

In that case I think he's being unfair for the sake of 10 mins. It sounds like the do is much longer than the 2 hours so it won't really matter in the scheme of things.

BlackeyedShepherdswatchsheep · 19/12/2013 11:25

offs. he wants the children to be cold and wet at school so he can save 10 minutes of socialisisng.

Original poster
bobblewobble · 19/12/2013 11:27

Work have put on a spread between 1 and 3 - they are going straight from there out to the pubs. (He is a supervisor so it would look bad if he wasn't there)

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 19/12/2013 11:30

Well he has the choice of taking his clothes to work and getting cleaned up as best as he can there or waiting for you for 10 mins. Both of those options are better than you having to spend hours walking in the rain with two small kids.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 19/12/2013 11:32

he goes out to work to earn to pay off the car etx. I bought the car outright with my £3000 savings btw. (He tells me there is no point in me working as childcare would take up my wage and I can get a job when youngest is in fulltime school) He also said how I was doing it to be awkward with him going out drinking with work.

How do you feel about not working? "He" is not the boss, a marriage is a partnership. He sounds like a self centred prick actually.

Trigglesx · 19/12/2013 11:35

Tell him the children come first. End of.

WinterWinds · 19/12/2013 11:50

He is making the far more complicated than it needs to be TBH.

You tell him that Dc's come first. If he is hell bent on saving the extra 10 minutes he can get a taxi or get changed at work.

Is he usually such an Arse??

Original poster
bobblewobble · 19/12/2013 11:51

He has only ever brought up money 3/4 times since everything has been joint, so doesn't normally throw that at me but he is right, his wages pays off the insurance, tax and mot as our top up isn't much from tax credits as his wage is pretty good for our age.

I love being a stay at home mum. I wanted to go to university after college but at 18 I was told I only had a 5% chance of conceiving so we decided to try for a baby and hold off me going to uni. I would love to go to uni when my 3 year old is full time but he would rather I went straight to work in a part time job. Which I don't mind as I can do my university course when I am older again.

OP posts:
Trigglesx · 19/12/2013 11:53

And he can make those wages because YOU are home taking care of the children.

WinterWinds · 19/12/2013 11:55

I have just seen that it takes you half an hour walk each way.

So he wants you to spend 2 hours in total walking so he can shave 10 minutes off his drinking time??

Tell him to do one!!!

AnnabelleLee · 19/12/2013 12:35

A mile? Doesn't he have any legs? Tell him to fucking walk, the lazy bastard.

thenightsky · 19/12/2013 12:51

If I read that right, he is losing only 12 mins off what will be a ten hour party? Shock

Tapiocapearl · 19/12/2013 12:51

Can you get a job in an area you are interested in working in? You can always study through the OU

But coming back to the matter in hand, you should have the car otherwise you will spend a total of 2hours 40 mjns walking back and forth 3 times to school/nursery.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 19/12/2013 13:04

It doesn't matter what his wages pay for. They are his kids too and you are a family. Its a pretty crap thing to bring that up at all.

I suspect he will get his way on this. But he shouldn't.

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