To only have supervised access with DD father

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XH and I split up about 18 months ago due to multiple issues (inc violence) we are divorced he has been a complete pain since we split - threats, abuse, trying to control me, calling me names in front of Dd (9 yrs) etc the police have been involved he doesn't pay for his dd so am going through csa - solicitors also involved

Last 2 weeks Dd not really spoke to him as she kept telling him she was busy (which she wasn't) have tried to persuade her to call him / text and she was having none if it. I have always tried to keep them in contact as believe she needs a mum and a dad despite my feelings towards him anyway she has told me that he bad mouths me in front of her calling me a bitch and worse - says he hopes she doesn't like my new partner (who treats her like his own but will never take the place of her dad) and they had an argument a couple of weeks ago where she wanted to come home but he locked her in his house and refused to let her out- this coincides with when she stopped talking to him

I have tried to tell him this and he says I am lying and that this is all in my head and that he has never said anything about me etc and I should support him when he disciplines her I have spoken to my solicitor and feel that her seeing him unsupervised at the minute is not in her best interest so think they should have supervised contact until she restores her faith in him that she can come home if needed - he now wants to take me to court and says he is calling in SS

Dd has said she is happy with supervised contact for the time being as she is scared he will lock her in again - she also does want to see him as he is her dad but is not happy when he says bad things about me - WWYD?

does he have to have acess at all. he was violent to u and is now being emotionally abusive to the kid. if he must have access then yes supervised. consult your solicitor

Supervised contact sounds good in this instance yes. It also means you don't have to deal with him directly & can ignore his texts/emails/calls etc unless there is a specific concern about DD. Don't be intimidated by SS threats or court threats, just tell him to contact you via your solicitor if he has to talk about DD or if he has set a court date yet....(its a controlling tactic, he won't take you to court, he's trying to put you back in your box.)

I have to disagree with you insisting on contact though. At 9 your DD is able to say she doesn't want to see him & you surely should be supporting her, not insisting that she has to. The man locked her in his house ffs! Its very noble wanting to continue their relationship but at the moment your dd needs to know you are 'on her side' totally & that you won't force her to see him if she doesn't want to.

I'm glad you recognise all his tactics though, just ignore & ignore & ignore him

I would make sure firstly that if there is to be any access where you are not there that she has a mobile phone with your number programmed in so that she can contact you.

My friend had similar issues, with slightly older girls, where he left them in the car whilst he went into a pub to have lunch with the rest of his family. They were able to ring Mum to collect them/advice!

Let him do it through the courts if that is what he wants, they will not look kindly on a situation where he kept her locked up!

Thanks for your responses - I don't insist she contacts him just persuaded her to before as she wouldn't tell me why she didn't want to talk to him so just thought she was being moody
I wanted to ask impartial people he claims that I use her as a weapon but I am simply trying to do what's best for her I have always said I will never force her to see him but I grew up without a dad and didn't want her resenting me in a few years time for this but he makes me feel as though I am wrong and being mean to him - throughout all our marriage it was always poor him when he was violent etc saying if I hadn't been argued with him etc he wouldn't have reacted that way etc
Thanks again