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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask for a hug

49 replies

Punkatheart · 18/12/2013 15:31

Just a quick one. I am not usually a hug person but I feel a bit lost and overwhelmed at the moment. Too much going on - including daughter under therapy which includes sleeping pills, some serious scheduled tests which will include a scan of her uterus, radiotherapy for me next year and ex forcing us to sell the house. If it was one thing - it's easier - but they are coming at me like fireworks in the face.

Obsessed now with making Christmas perfect. Just tried to clean the kitchen and I am so exhausted. But determined.

So can I have a hug please?

OP posts:
Original poster
Punkatheart · 19/12/2013 16:45

The college have offered huge support but her mental health problems have now made it impossible for her to continue. She will not be able to catch up and it is not in her best interests.

We just have to continue with the shrink. I don't think she is able to do a job either.

I am lost.

OP posts:
puntasticusername · 19/12/2013 16:49

More hugs from me.

lilsupersparks · 19/12/2013 16:54

Give it time with your daughter. Agree not to talk about it until the new year/when you can. If you were near to me (Wiltshire) I'd come give you a hug. I'm a secondary school teacher so used to teenagers. I am sure you will find some training/volunteering/work that would suit your daughter when she is feelin better and she can go back to college one day if she wants to.

Buy all Christmas stuff pre made if you can.

Hugs xxxxxx

cjel · 19/12/2013 19:15

You don't need to worry about college. It is so common for people drop out and re start a few years later, It is not a disaster and in fact will be grest for dd that she no longer has that struggle to contend with along with all her other problems.

Give her one of the hugs you've had from here and just comfort here and tell her its ok.
This is not a problem, you are still ok and nothing much has changed. leave it till after christmas and make sure she knows that you are not upset or cross and that it is temporary and she can do what she likes when her health is better.

KittensoftPuppydog · 19/12/2013 19:31

Not much of a hugger, but punk at heart too, so my doggie sends you a big hug and a slobber.

Original poster
Punkatheart · 19/12/2013 19:48

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Especially the doggy slobber. I miss my cat, who died last year. I am a bit of a soppy mess.

OP posts:
cjel · 20/12/2013 16:50

Evening Punk, How are things?x

ssd · 20/12/2013 16:53

hug from me too xxx

Original poster
Punkatheart · 20/12/2013 17:45

Got a few things done today. But chemo shot last night made me feel a bit shaky - so resting. Daughter out - which is probably a good thing. She needs to do a lot of thinking over Christmas - but mental health (CAMHS) are so overstretched, they are hopeless. We need to get her better.

I want to go forward but I am stuck in a rut.

OP posts:
cjel · 20/12/2013 19:03

Rest where you are for now and then when its time to get out of the rut you will be ready, There is no rushxxx

Andrewofgg · 20/12/2013 20:16

Punkatheart, consider yourself thoroughly hugged by a big loving brother who has come through cancer and is still here twenty years later. Thanks

cheapskatemum · 20/12/2013 20:32

Something I learnt when DS1 was putting me through the mill - you can't live their lives for them. You help her, but it's her life and it's DD that has to do whatever it is that needs to be done. How old is she?

Redcliff · 20/12/2013 20:42

Hug from me too

Original poster
Punkatheart · 20/12/2013 21:17

Thanks all. DD is 16 but a very young 16. They are also going to do tests to see if there is an organic reason for her behaviour. She hasn't got her periods yet and her mood swings are horrific, even for a teen. But yes, I just wish that she would advance, so that I can step back a little.

Thank you Andrew. I have always wanted a brother.

OP posts:
SecretLimonadeDrinker · 20/12/2013 21:21

Hug from me too.

Please be kind to yourself, it doesn't have to be perfect and college can wait until she is ready.

loisismyhero · 20/12/2013 21:38

((((((Hugs)))))) here too. Your daughter is only 16. She has plenty of time to sort her life out once she gets well. You need to mind yourself in the middle of all this. Christmas is never perfect. And I know from experience that the most enjoyable Christmassee are often the least 'perfect'. Try to rest and relax. The main thing about Christmas is to surround yourself with people you live. It doesn't matter a damn what the house looks like.

loisismyhero · 20/12/2013 21:40

Christmasses. Love. You know what I mean.

NoComet · 20/12/2013 21:50

hugs from me too

Original poster
Punkatheart · 20/12/2013 23:37

Thank you all. For your kindness and taking the time to speak to a stranger out there in cyberspace. It means a lot. If I could be healthy, I am sure that this would all seem more manageable. Crappy health pulls you down. I need to be Supergirl!

Sending you great thoughts for a fabulous Christmas. Now I have to go and think of something imaginative for a friend I have invited for Christmas Day. She was going to be on her own and I can't have that! But she is gluten-free - so I have to plan.

Having a focus is a jolly good thing.

xx

OP posts:
Amy106 · 20/12/2013 23:51

I am sending you a large hug and lots of good thoughts. Thanks

MrsFlorrick · 21/12/2013 00:02

A big huge mulled wine induced Scandinavian Christmas hug to your and your DD!! Smile

AgentZigzag · 21/12/2013 00:12

and

Thanks
SeaSickSal · 21/12/2013 00:14

Have you thought about contacting MIND? They may be able to offer you support and help your daughter access the best support.

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/

SeaSickSal · 21/12/2013 00:15

And hugs obnovs.

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