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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my family take the piss? Do I get involved?

8 replies

MrsDrRanj · 17/12/2013 19:21

My nan is in her late 70s. She's had mental health problems in the past and in general can get a bit fraught sometimes. But otherwise she's okay, loves to be around her family and feel needed etc.

She has always been a big source of help for the whole family with childcare. She looks after my aunts son (her grandson) in the week and occasionally another grandchild.

For a while I've wondered if it's too much for her. The grandson she looks after is almost 3 and I know that no matter how good he is 3 year olds are hard work! And the other child is younger.

Recently she has developed bronchitis, has been hardly sleeping or eating and last week had a very bad episode where said aunts and my mum had to rush over to her and take her into hospital. She was having hallucinations and generally was very very down and depressed.

This was last week. This week she is looking after her grandson as usual while my aunt goes to work and will have the other grandchild later in the week.Now I know my nan likes to be able to help and my even try to insist, but AIBU to think my aunts should have found other arrangements since they know how bad she has been? I'm worried sick but nobody will say anything to anyone for fear of the fall out. I know my nan is her own woman but she is also getting older and is fragile at the moment.

If anyone has suggestions i would be really grateful.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 17/12/2013 19:24

I'm not quite 60 and in good health.

I love looking after my DGC and it bloody knackers me! And it's not as if I do it as a regular thing.

I think you should say something. It's an accident waiting to happen.

rookietherednosedreindeer · 17/12/2013 19:27

YANBU at all. Someone does need to say something and unfortunately it looks like it has to be you. Apart from anything else the grandchildren are not safe in her care if she is that unwell.

MrsDrRanj · 17/12/2013 19:29

nanny that's what my mum says, she's in her 50s and when she (very rarely) watches my DS it knackers her!

I just feel it's time for her to enjoy being a nan without the stress.

I'm not sure how I should approach this. I'm 22 and these are older aunts, I feel like I don't 'rank' high enough to approach it myself iyswim.

OP posts:
zebdee · 17/12/2013 19:32

It's not right. My GPS looked after my cousins when they were young it was awful my gran could barely walk to the kitchen vas was housebound and gf didn't know which day of the week it was and at one point as a baby my cousin was in cot for 10 hours a day as gran couldn't lift her outConfused we tried as a family to make my aunt see sense my she wouldn't

Boaby · 17/12/2013 19:47

YANBU, my sister is very selfish when it comes to this kind of thing my mum helps her out all the time with childcare (my sister sees it as 'well she's their gran she should help out Hmm) my mum was in hospital for a few days with swine flu a couple of years ago & when she got out was signed off work - when dsis heard she was off work -it was the school holidays - she dropped her children round every day.

I was on holiday at the time but when I got back had a huge row with dsis about it but she couldn't see that she'd done anything wrong & my mum doesn't want to offend anyone so just took the children every day. Still makes me Angry

You need to speak to your family before it gets out of hand.

Meow75 · 17/12/2013 19:50

Will your mum back you up on this, maybe, as a more "senior" member of the family?

leonardofquirm · 17/12/2013 19:57

YANBU.

My BIL and SIL have my PIL and SIL's parents doing 12 hour days so that they can advance their careers while having free childcare.

They then have the cheek to regularly send their child to either set of grandparents at the weekend while they go out, often overnight. all the grandparents are in their mid to late 60's and I think it's a bit much.

They've had 3+ years of it now and I don't think a lot odd appreciation is shown.

thebody · 17/12/2013 20:06

if you think it's dangerous for the children then of course you should tell them all how you feel.

however if they are in no immediate danger then personally I wouldn't. you say your nan 'needs' to be needed.

if she looses this self esteem she may just give up. people do.after all she's an adult and makes her choices.

it's a case of children's welfare though. difficult one.

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