DCs don't want to go to NRP

[PrincessWellington]

Facts are: DCs are 9 & 5

They (9 yo mostly) don't want to go to NRP who has them all day Saturday through to Sunday because they are bored. No 'real' reason. They are happy to see grandparents but NRP is boring.

This has been repeatedly said now for 3 months consistently but they do go and don't cry or fuss.

I have suggested they talk to NRP but they won't or can't. NRP and I cannot hold a civil conversation but I have contacted to tell them, it was discussed with DCs but no resolution really.

Aibu to let them make their own decision? If AIBU at what point can they have autonomy?

I think that you ex partner should know that the children are resisting but at 9 & 5, in my view they are not old enough to make an informed choice about contact. Boring could mean that they are not being constantly taken places/entertained or expected to do chores etc..things that are normal for parents to expect children to do. Your ex may welcome suggestion of Sat morning clubs or similar that the children may enjoy (footie/martial arts/scouts/ice skating/swimming etc) that would help. Your 9yr old is also likely to be very much influencing the 5 yr old who is certainly not old enough to decide not to see a parent and may regret it in years to come.

I would give it another few years before I allowed total autonomy and try to smooth it over until then.

Firstly, I feel uncomfortable that their other parent (dad?) is being referred to as 'nrp' throughout this. I don't think it would hurt to say dad.

I understand what you are saying about them not wanting to go - but I do think you have to find a better reason than 'I'm bored'. I think you need to encourage it if you can.

But I do understand that it's difficult.

What's nrp?

Non Resident Parent.

say Mum or Dad and at those ages they go imo

when 9yo is old enough they can stop but the 5yo still goes ( probsbly going along with sibling)

imo

none resident parent.

op it must be dreadfully hard but surely you and your children's dad can actually speak or email. this must be very hard and difficult for your children.

not judging you as it sounds a bad situation but just wondering.

boredom is a rubbish reason unless you want a Disney Dad situation then I say your kids sometimes need to be bored. I'm bored right now with dd asleep on me but you find ways to enteryain yourself

What if the NRP was a super-fun Disney Dad and they didn't want to go home to you after their fun weekend because your house is boring?

All valid points. Agree about the disney dad thing. I don't want to stop access. I just want to be sure I'm doing right by NRP and DCs.
I deliberately put NRP as opposed to dad as gender is irrelevant

It's not the gender that bothers me - I just think mum or dad would be better.

My stepdaughters mother is the nrp but I would always say mum rather than nrp.

I appreciate it is a small point but important, I think.

@Fairy1303 - Well no it's not an important point. For OP's question gender is irrelevant. The OP didn't mention the gender of themselves, the children or the NRP. Being the NRP is relevant because it means the kids most likely only see the NRP on the weekends. OP is probably trying to remain anon or simply wants general solutions, not gender specific ones.

OP - If it's every weekend it makes sense that the kids are starting to realise that their entire weekend is away from "home" and that they're bored there. Especially if staying with the NRP means HAVING to go and visit GP's every time (not enough time to themselves). How far away is NRP from home and DC's friends? Are they able to take a gaming console, or books, or other fun things with them? Could you talk to NRP about getting a gaming console or computer for home?

It sounds like the DC's don't feel like NRP's home is their home. They're not comfortable there. Probably also feel like they don't have a say in what they do or where they go.

Ask them, if they didn't have to go, what would they do? Most likely sit around, watch TV, eat, sleep etc. Perhaps the visiting "structure" of the weekend is the reason they're bored, combined with not feeling "at home" at the NRP's house.

It'd be easier if you could chat to the NRP about it, but if they won't be civil, you'll be met with deaf ears and confrontation. I think all you can really do for now is encourage the kids to take something they want to do or read.

I think they should go, but I would speak to them about what would make the visit less "boring". Christmas is a week away, the perfect time to replenish tired toys or whatever, make NRPs (Mum or Dad) house more of a home for DCs. Talk about any activities that they would enjoy doing, that the parent could join in. My own DH took up various sporting activities and we've both got involved with coaching, on committees for every activity that our DCs have done.

It's not every weekend but any full day is the same. They don't feel it's their home (remarried) they don't like their step siblings (older) and their NRP 'sits on the sofa all day'