Reception friendships

[pandora2013]

I'm not sure if I've posted in the right place, I'm new here. I really need some advice about my DD(5) and how to help her make friends. She started in reception this Sept and is loving school, learning to read and write etc. I am concerned about her socially though, she seems to have lots of people to play with, but no special friend.

I know it makes her sad when she tries to play with some of the other close knit couples of friends and is told to go away. She could do with one reliable friend to play with. I'm worried it will impact on her self esteem and she's not the most confident person anyway.

Any tips or help please? Should I make sure we regularly have friends over? Does anyone have stories of how they have helped their children in similar situations? Thanks so much (I know I over think things but it makes me so sad to hear her stories of being left out!)

Having a friend(s) around for tea helps. DS was the same in Reception, he's now in Y2. I understand your worry

To be honest, last year was worse because the pals he had made in Reception were (as they all do) playing with each other, then swapping around, doing the old "I'm not your friend anymore" thing etc. It took a lot of explaining to DS about having different friendships as opposed to just one "special" one and that people sometimes say things they don't mean.

Y2 has been much better. But yes, I've been where you are. There'll be birthday party invites, playdates etc where everything will pan out

I think it "happens" differently for each child, so try various ideas but don"t be upset if "it doesn't work the way MNposter57981979 said!" If nothing else, the variety of social experiences you will be trying out will be a tonic.

The holidays are coming, so why not try a few casual afternoons out, which could make the children seem more "real" to one another, particularly in their biggest-so-far break from school (and for Reception kids that's still a very recent thing!

my daughter is also in reception, her friendships seem pretty fluid to me at he moment. I would try not to worry tbh

Thanks for the responses. I think it's that I like to have a plan to support her through any issues rather than just ignore it all but I'm clueless about what the best thing to do is in the case! I think I'll try and have some of her friends over on a regular basis and try and stop fretting

I worried about this after DD's parent evening (she's also in reception) as her teacher said that although she's happy at school she doesn't really seek other children out to play with and a couple of times she's been upset because people 'were too busy' to play with her. (I started a thread on here and got a lot of reassurance)
I'm hanging fire for a little while as she does get along with her classmates, it's just she doesn't have a 'special' friend. I think she would like one but I don't want to push any friendships on her. I'll start having some of her friends over next term when my house is tidy

My dd has friends, but no 'best friend'. She changes her mind daily atm, and that's okay

My ds is in reception as is the same. The teacher says he often seems happy playing on his own, but he loved it when he went to a birthday party at the weekend. I would love to invite a friend for a play date, but have no idea who to invite. The mums I get on with don't seem to have the kids ds gets on with. I find the whole thing quite difficult.

My dd has given me a few worries like this - for instance not having one special friend. I did speak to the teacher and it came across that there are lots of friendship issues in her class- different people finding different situations hard, rather than it being just her.

There was a situation where my dd really liked another girl (X) but a third girl (Y) had told X that she was her best friend and that she couldn't play with anyone else. DD did come home and tell me about this, obviously quite sadly. However, it turned out that X was in fact more upset about the whole thing than DD, as she wanted to play with others too. This seems to have been all sorted out by the teacher speaking to the class generally, and now DD seems to be good friends with Y.

They keep having "friendship week" to try to encourage them all to play nicely and not too exclusively, which seems to have helped.

DD tells me that she is happy at the moment and I have to accept that she is telling me the truth, even though she won't give me details!

We did have one friend over for a playdate, which went really well. However, dd rather frustratingly tells me that she doesn't play much with this friend at school - it appears to be because this friend is so quiet dd forgets about her, which may not come across too well from the other girl's point of view!

I do tell dd to play with everyone and keep and open mind, and this does seem to get through (as far as I can tell).

Also what dd really wants is to have someone to play pirates with and apparently the girls are not interested, and the boys will not play with dd because she is a girl...

I'm learning not to interfere so much now though so won't be saying anything unless something serious happens.

DS came home in tears several times because no one would play with him.

We've changed schools now and he has his first friend coming round to play Thursday. He wants the day off school to sort his toys out for her!

He seems to want special friendships whereas DSD enjoys a group.

DS started reception in September and at his first parents evening the teacher said he didn't have a special friend and tended to play a bit with everyone, the class as a whole. She did say though that 'special friends' and 'best friends' is a bit of a developmental thing, playing with the wider social group/peers comes first and then it gradually narrows down to seeking out those with similar interests/personalities, etc. Sure enough, the last few weeks he's started talking about his two 'best friends' who are his 'special friends'.

It'll come with time, I'm sure :)