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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is dp being unreasonable if he doesn't come to the nativity?

36 replies

Dollslikeyouandme · 16/12/2013 18:10

There are 3 performances. He didn't come last year to the first one because he 'didn't think' to book any time off. He was going to skive off early to come this week, but now apparently things have changed at work and this won't be possible, unless he books half a day off.

He has holiday left which renews in Jan, but he likes to save some.

OP posts:

NoComet · 16/12/2013 18:52

He doesn't want to go!

He damn well ought to want to go!

IMHO it is a black mark on the equal partners sheet.

My DH has many for avoiding sports day.

Sports day is shit, why did I have to go!

thebody · 16/12/2013 18:58

bloody hell at those whose kids would be 'distraught' at their not going.

what if you are both ill or both have to work. kids arnt that soft.

mine knew dh wasn't good at school events, well not those with no alcohol anyway.

you arnt a bad parent to not want to go. as long as one of you goes most of the time that's fine IMO.

Original poster

Dollslikeyouandme · 16/12/2013 18:59

Shera, it's a night of my life I'll never get back. Worst of all he pre ordered my food for me and I didn't even get to choose, he chose me beef, I don't like beef. And then he sat grinning through the whole thing and stood up and clapped while some men from the Tesco work do on the other table did the full monty.

Now tell me the nativity is bad?

OP posts:

Original poster

Dollslikeyouandme · 16/12/2013 19:09

I do quite enjoy the nativity, but as I said I'm new to it all and pfb.

I do swimming lessons, sports day, parents evenings (one which was particularly difficult), all parties, pick up and drop offs, I admit I wish he was more interested in the nativity.

I won't say anything though as majority seem to think its no big deal. He may still come of his own accord anyway.

Still think he owes me after the work do though.

OP posts:

SheRaHasTheAnswer · 16/12/2013 19:23

Nope, the tesco full monty beats nativity hands down.

I can totally see your point of view on this but 5 years into nativities I am not pfb anymore!! 5 years ago I may have called him a beef garland loving loser, today, he is simply my equal ;-)

SomethingkindaOod · 16/12/2013 19:57

DH has cried off DD's school play because of work. I didn't mind, DD didn't mind, of he can get there he does.
However D got one over on him by announcing that the school are selling dvd's of the play and we can buy one so he can watch it!
The play costs nothing to go and see, the DVD cost a fiver... I'm buying one just to sit and watch him watching it...
I don't think he's being unreasonable, but you're not either. Some people enjoy it, some don't.

OrangePixie · 16/12/2013 20:13

I think that you want him to want to go. You want him to move heaven and earth to be there because it's his child's nativity and he wouldn't miss it for the world. And you're disappointed that he's not that father. That's not unreasonable at all.

redskyatnight · 16/12/2013 20:16

I think if you are in a couple where one works part time and the other works full time, the part time person ends up going to more things than the full time person - it's generally easier for them.

DC's school puts on an evening performance of the nativity - for events where there is only a daytime performance, I would say some full time workers take time off and some don't. DH and I both work full time, we always make sure one of us is going to "things" but it's not always both of us.

Remember there is other school events coming this year - should you expect him to take time off for school assemblies, sports day, concerts ... as well?

WooWooOwl · 16/12/2013 20:19

I think it's really sad that he doesn't want to go. It's one of those special things that only happens when children are little, and when those days are gone, they can't be brought back.

The nativity is a huge deal for children when they are only 4/5. It's a major event in their lives, of course their parents should want to share that with them.

thebody · 16/12/2013 20:20

you want him to move heaven and earth to be there as it's his child's nativity and he wouldn't miss it for the world

but dramatic there, it's not a Hollywood film.

ffs.

thebody · 16/12/2013 20:26

woowoo it really isn't you know. I remember my kids nativities a bit but they merge into one over the years. I had 4 kids and they do bloody dozens of assemblies, nativities and plays.

my kids would definatly not see them as a major life event. if they had been I would be worried.

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