Can someone explain to me what a 'reverse AIBU' is please?

[LaRegina]

I keep seeing this and I don't get it.

Thank you

It's where someone reverses the situation they are in to see what advice the 'other person' would get. So if your mother was really nagging you about wanting to come round for Christmas and you wanted some space, you would post a reverse AIBU as follows:

My daughter is being really selfish and doesn't want to have me round for Christmas. I keep asking as I don't want to cook just for me but she won't listen. AIBU?

Then you'd see what advice the 'mother' got about her behaviour. I think the theory behind it is that certain people get a rough ride in AIBUs (e.g. Mothers-in-law, stepmothers, so people say) so if you reverse the situation and post as the other person you are supposedly more likely to get balanced advice.

Aha... I think . Thanks Mellow

Second question - how do people know when it's a reverse AIBU? People always seem to jump on them straight away.

I hate some of the "reverse" assumptions. Some posters always say "this has to be a reverse no one can be that stupid/evil/.."

But even if it's a reverse it still means someone did it!

Because it's usually obvious - they are being blatantly U and waiting for others to agree. Then the 'reverse' is revealed and OP feels vindicated. Or something like that.

Jeez this is so confusing! Is it just me?

It gets easier when you see one.

A writes about doing something very nasty and says they see no problem with what they have done. They describe the person they have been nasty towards (B) as blameless.

It turns out they are B.

People claim to do it so that they get more objective opinions.

It's pointless as they very obviously cannot describe the other persons point of view accurately but they pretend they can.

When someone posts about doing something very unkind or contentious, people will say "I think/ hope this is a reverse" in the hopes that the OP is not actually as unkind/ deluded as they seem to be. It's a bit like when people say "I hope this isn't real"...

And so sometimes people will just use it as a dig too, when they really disagree with the OP.

Softly the problem with reverses is that unreasonable motivations are often assumed by the poster. When of course the actual motivations or mitigating circumstances are more complex.

For example:

"DW works fulltime and does all housework, all the childcare and all the shopping, cooking washing and ironing. More and more she is asking me to help her. AIBU to think that when I get in I should be able to lie on the sofa in front of the telly with a can of Stella and a kebab?"

So actually this would be the DW writing. Then when he gets home she will show him the hundreds of pages of MNetters saying "YABU you lazy git!" and then she will hurl the laptop at his nether regions.

They're also easy to spot because instead of the OP getting more and more defensive, as usually happens when they're posting as themselves, they post less and less.

Eg, normal AIBU?

OP: AIBU to not want my MIL to have my PFB for Xmas Day?
MN: YABU.
OP: But my MIL smokes!
MN: YABU
OP: I meant, she smokes crack!
MN: YA still BU
OP: She smokes crack and breeds cockerpoos and has a 400inch plasma!
MN: YA still BVU
OP: You are a nest of vipers!

Whereas, reverse AIBU
OP: AIBU to demand that my DIL brings my PFG round for Xmas Day even though I like a few drinks before lunch.
MN: (over several pages) YABU, let her make her own plans
OP: smug silence

However, what often happens in a reverse AIBU is that the OP can't keep up the role playing and ends up giving themselves away, eg,

OP: AIBU to demand that my DIL brings my PFG for Xmas lunch.... despite the fact that I have a rampant drinking problem and will probably serve Greggs sausage rolls all day and will ignore my lovely DIL because I am jealous of her happy family life and svelte size 10 figure because I am a fat heifer who gives my PFG non-organic ham every time my DIL's slender back is turned?