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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go away by myself for a week all for me

24 replies

Shinyshoes1 · 16/12/2013 11:50

I'll try not to drip Fred so therefore will include everything so it may be long

I'm 40 next year and I wanted to mark its significance doing something special.
I was originally going to away on a spa weekend and I'm dithering.
I love love love my own company ,now and again I like to do what I want , when I want , how I want. For example I take the odd day off swanning around in London , going to The Old Bailey watching a court case then having a nice meal out returning fairly early evenings . Dp is fine with me doing this now and again although he has told me its not his idea of a nice time he's supportive

We have very different views on what we class as a good time

I've decided to go away originally it was for a weekend but now my ds2 has asked to come with me , the boy asks for nothing , often being reclusive , has very few friends and hardly socialises , isn't very touchy feely with any of us and you can feel him flinch when you cuddle him , that's just his way .. So I was suprised when he said he wants to come to spend time with me

Dp has a mood on as " I'm not invited " as I said I want this break to go away , laze around , eat when I want , sleep when I want , read constantly and not be worried about the other person . I want to recharge my batteries and have some time for me He calls it boring and wants to speedboat , hand glide , go to the beach all say , eat 3 meals a day dead on feeding time , I find this all too much

He's made it clear he finds my idea of fun , doing very little very boring but is still moody he's not coming

I don't want to have to worry that he's bored , this holiday is for me . I'm saving the money , I've cutback on a few luxuries to pay for it and I'm booking a lovely villa in Spain
I also have a DD she will be 6 , so she will be coming if he goes , it will turn into a family holiday , she gets up around 6am , she's constantly on the move , needs constant attention , I just want a break .
Ds is very much like me , loves his own company and doesn't need to eat at 9.00am , 1pm then 6pm and will laze around just like me I've told DP that I will save again so I can take DD to Lapland the year after so she gets a holiday to .
Finances allow this , obviously I wouldnt do it otherwise.
Ds has asked to come that's why I turned it into a week as I don't feel anxious being away from the children that long if one of them is with me

DP did something similar a few years back . He went to Poland for a golf tournament . I stayed home to look after the children .
He knows he can go away too , he gets invited every year to go to Portugal for golf but never goes

AIBU to want this very rare trip away just for me

OP posts:
UC · 16/12/2013 11:59

Perhaps his moodiness is down to the fact that this is to celebrate your 40th, and you are choosing to do that alone, without him and your family?

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 16/12/2013 12:04

We are all going out for a meal for my 40th and he's said about all going to see a west end show

He's not that big on birthdays to him it's just another day and doesn't see why people make it a big deal

OP posts:
Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 16/12/2013 12:07

My DD isn't bothered she's just excited about Lapland the year after

Which DP has said " why ? What's the point ?

OP posts:
Fleta · 16/12/2013 12:07

No YANBU wanting a trip just for you, but it has turned into a half family trip - the ones you want to go away with and the ones you don't.

I imagine were it to be just a trip for you and you alone, there wouldn't be an issue

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 16/12/2013 12:08

It is frustrating the double standards that exist - that he can go away as and when he likes and you dont feel you can do the same.

It may be that he feels like half the family are getting a family holiday.

Would he and dd like to go away soemwhere together? Action packed, full on, his sort of thing. Not unreasonable, when you are spending lots of money, to have the type of holiday you want.

FunkyBoldRibena · 16/12/2013 12:08

Do you want to see a West End show for your 40th?

whereisshe · 16/12/2013 12:10

I think it sounds like a great idea, and you should do it. I really enjoy having time to myself (or with people who won't talk to me / require me to do anything) doing precisely what I feel like doing when I feel like doing it - very relaxing. It doesn't mean I love my family any less that I don't want them around 24/7. I think it's just an introvert thing (which most extroverts utterly fail to understand).

Anyway, it's not logical of him to say (a) your idea of fun sounds boring, but (b) simultaneously sulk because he's not invited - tell him to get over it.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 16/12/2013 12:11

do whatever makes you feel happy its your bday.

i would LOVE LOVE LOVE a week away by myself, re charge the batteries.....come back a better person!
GO!

to put it into perspective think of the women, people away on work business trips for weeks on end, or people with sports interests that take them abroad for weeks too.....

its one tiny little week!

FracturedViewOfLife · 16/12/2013 12:18

YANBU. I think it sounds great and you should go.

oscarwilde · 16/12/2013 12:20

I think you changed the situation as soon as you extended it to a week and brought one child with you. I can totally understand why you want the time off, and why it is easy to take DS but it looks like favouritism over one child.
If it were me, I would turn it into a family holiday but on the basis that your DH is head activity person for your DD; or I would be very sneaky and book the two of them into a learn to sail course so they are off all day. I would also book a spa weekend or whatever, just for me.

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 16/12/2013 12:20

funkyboldribena .... I'm not bothered about a West End show to be honest , it was his idea but if that's what he wants to do to make him feel like he's celebrated my 40th with me then I'll go
Like I said I'm not fussed , I'd enjoy it , I wouldn't be miserable or have a face on , I'm just not that bothered about it .
Thanks all I feel a bit better about it now

For the poster that has suggested him doing something with DD ... I have suggested it , he has family in the west country he says about seeing but never does , so this would be the perfect opportunity to go and take DD too , I've mentioned it , he kinds of shrugs and says " meh " . It's up to him though if he doesn't want to make the effort.

I can see it when you say " half a family holiday " but DD is being treated to a holiday to Lapland the year after , something my DS or DP wouldn't be interested in .

OP posts:
oscarwilde · 16/12/2013 12:21

Fleta has hit the nail on the head in my view

Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 16/12/2013 12:26

But if we all go , I'd feel guilty that DP was seeing to DD , and I'd constantly be told I'm boring by DP if I want to spend another day around the pool reading and not doing much else and it'll turn into bitterness and resentment that I went and did nothing and he'd want to do EVERYTHING as a family and he'll storm off doing activities AGAIN with DD when he'll want to do it as a family and i will be called selfish in the process ..

I can see exactly how that holiday would go. EVRYONE would have the hump at the end of it and I haven't achieved my aim of a break

OP posts:
Original poster
Shinyshoes1 · 16/12/2013 12:27

I keep telling him to go to Portugal for golf , he chooses not to as he's not very motivated in booking it and arranging it

OP posts:
rainbowfeet · 16/12/2013 12:29

I'm 40 next year too ConfusedConfusedConfused

Absolutely dreading it & would like nothing more than to run away. & hide out in a Spanish villa alone but 2 things a) I appreciate my dc's, extended family & friends would like to spend it with me & help me celebrate it (not that I feel it's anything to celebrate) & b) I would never take 1 dc away without the other am a LP so no partner to consider.

I think stick to a mini spa break.. That will re-charge your batteries. & let dp & dc's 's spoil you! Smile

Yellowcake · 16/12/2013 12:30

YANBU at all. Sounds blissful, though I think it's very nice you are bringing your son. As someone else said, your husband can't claim that your way of enjoying yourself is dull and then sulk because he isn't invited.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 16/12/2013 12:31

Id actually urge you not to all go. Too many opportunities for you to have to do stuff you dont want to.

The whole point is that you want a truly relaxing break.

If it were a friend you were going with, noone would suggest taking your dh along Grin the fact that you are taking one child is imo fine, as the other child is getting a holiday woth you too, next year.

haveyourselfashandy · 16/12/2013 12:32

I would go with your ds.it sounds like a lovely idea to me and if your dd isn't bothered then that shows you've done a good job! My dp is taking ds away nxt year...me and dd aren't bothered,it will be nice for them to spend some time together

oscarwilde · 16/12/2013 12:52

Trust me - I get it. I will be 40 next year too and my DH has planned a celebration at vast expense which is really for him, not for me. I'm sure it will be a lovely experience but it's not really anything I am fussed about and I am trying to find the right words to rain all over his parade and postpone it to his 40th.

Can you point out this thread to your DH or would that be a bit tricky?
What is planned as a family holiday this year ? Perhaps if there was something in the diary that was family centric and a bit activity based he would relax?

Sod the golf - book him into a male bootcamp for a week and let him get an activity week right out of his system. Grin That said, you can't force him into a lads week away if he genuinely can't be bothered. Take the time out for yourself though.

ironmansmum · 16/12/2013 21:51

You obviously haven't had the year I've had. 3 bereavements in 5 months. Only got my DH and DS left. Do need a littletimeeach day to myself to get a grip of what's happened but definatelty not planning how I can escape from them to treat myself and have a nice holiday. Sorry to sound bitter etc. Don't mean that at all. Perhaps your family just want to be with you?

ironmansmum · 16/12/2013 21:52

You obviously haven't had the year I've had. 3 bereavements in 5 months. Only got my DH and DS left. Do need a littletimeeach day to myself to get a grip of what's happened but definatelty not planning how I can escape from them to treat myself and have a nice holiday. Sorry to sound bitter etc. Don't mean that at all. Perhaps your family just want to be with you?

ironmansmum · 16/12/2013 21:52

You obviously haven't had the year I've had. 3 bereavements in 5 months. Only got my DH and DS left. Do need a littletimeeach day to myself to get a grip of what's happened but definatelty not planning how I can escape from them to treat myself and have a nice holiday. Sorry to sound bitter etc. Don't mean that at all. Perhaps your family just want to be with you?

ironmansmum · 16/12/2013 22:00

Soz, not that desperate! Not sure why duplicated.

Joysmum · 16/12/2013 22:07

For me, I'd be fine with going away alone and hubby wouldn't object if that's what I wanted, although he'd be disappointed as we like to be together.

However, there's a big difference between being alone and half the family going. I think that's strange and not something I could imagine doing.

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