to think exH is being a dick about the 'real' Christmas

[flummoxedbanana]

Dd is 6. ExH has had her for 3 of the 4 Christmases we've been separated as he has a large family that dd likes who only visit over Christmas eve and Christmas day and dp, who dd is close to, usually works on Christmas day. We tend to have our Christmas day early so we can celebrate it together. Dds father keeps reiterating to her how he's having her for the real Christmas eve and Christmas day to her and how any other day doesn't count to celebrate. He's made it clear that if dd is here for the real Christmas day he and his gf will just celebrate it without her and give her a couple of token presents because she'll have had her Christmas here AIBU to think he's being a dick here?

Yabu that at 6 you think she should not know what the actual Xmas and the eve dates are.

Yanbu, in him telling her that her gifts will be less special otherwise. It's putting your dd in a difficult position about where to spend the day,

It makes no difference what day you have Christmas in your house, the important thing is that your DD gets the feeling of Christmas, and presents and all that stuff. He's being a shit telling her that it's not real unless it's the 25th. What about in a family where a parent has to work over Christmas so they celebrate on a different day?

Just tell her that both of her Christmases are real and special and that she's really lucky that she gets two, unlike most other people.

Picnic she only gets two if she spends the actual day with him though. If she spends it with me he just tells her she missed Christmas with him.

So basically he's trying to blackmail her into spending Xmas with him every year by saying she'll get no presents if she's not there on the day?

Coffee I didn't say she shouldn't be told what the actual dates are. She's aware of those. I don't think she should be told our celebrations don't count.

Dick.

'Gavel'

Owlina yes that's pretty much the jist.

Ah I see. He is definitely being a shit then. There is no reason for him not to make a big fuss of her and give her a proper Christmas even if its on the 'wrong' day. He actually sounds deeply manipulative and unpleasant.

He sounds like a wanker, your poor DD.

Yes, he's a dick. Firstly for minimising your special day and secondly for holding her to ransom on christmas day by telling her if 'shes not here she misses out'. The mans a nob.

Yes, he's an absolute twat.

He's being a dick. Also it's a bit unfair that she does spend Xmas at your ex's just because of his family. Christmas day is special - Father Christmas and all that. It is hard for parents not to have their DC on Christmas day.

That is horrible. She is six ffs. Pulling that at 18 is one thing, but at 6!

Good job she's got you as a reasonable human for a parent then, doesn't seem like her dad is being very reasonable.

Feel for you op, not much you can do here except point out once to him what he's actually doing and how wing it is.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas whenever you celebrate it.

Wrong not wing

Yes he is quite the arsehole isn't he?

Hes a fuckwit. What sort of insecure idiot needs to blackmail a child so that he feels he's scored a point?

Putting the idea in her head that non attendance of 'real Christmas' is punishable via the demoting of her presents to lesser ones, is low.

That's horrible, YANBU. She's 6 FFS.

Otoh, maybe it's better she realises sooner than later that he's a dick. He's your ex for a reason, no? Any adult who does this to a child is just pathetic and attention seeking. Tell him to do one, if he thinks he can have your dd every Christmas. He's being ridiculous.

yaanbu

Orlando - dp works in public services so dd understands that people in those jobs still have to work over Christmas and believes Santa comes early for their children. Which no doubt her father will tell her is wrongif she mmentions it