AIBU regarding exdp, Dc & baby due in 6 weeks?

[Shellywelly1973]

Exdp is furious with me. I asked him to leave last week. Im pg with our 4th dc. Relationship has been going down hill for months. I had tried to talk to dp etc but he wouldn't talk about anything he didn't want to. We just kept going round in circles...

We met this afternoon to make plans about dc, money etc.

Ex has cancelled his Paternity Leave. Says he can't afford it. He will only see the dc on Christmas Day for an hour. He only gets one weekend a month off work so he's going to Scotland on his weekend off this month. So no break for me during the school Christmas Holidays. He says he'll look after the dc 'if he's around' when I have the baby. Maintenance, he can't afford any as he earns rubbish money & we're in SE so rent is extremely expensive.

I see his point of view on everything. He didn't want to leave. I told him to go. He says if I want to be a single parent again-thats my choice. I was a single parent for 10 years before I met dp.

I just wanted him to look after the dc when I had the baby. I hoped he'd do the school runs whilst he was on paternity leave. The baby is breech & im praying she'll turn!

I have no family or close friends in this city. Ds's are in different schools. Both have SNs. 1 diagnised, hes 8 & in a special school. The other being assessed, hes 5 on reduced hours in mainstream. So can't even ask other mums at school to share the trips.. Dd is 12 so she doesn't need to be very taken to school.

I think exdp thinks I will have to ask him to come home as I wont be able to cope...

AIBU? He didn't want to leave but nor would he have a conversation about our relationship! How do we reach a compromise regarding our dc?

There's no option of transport for ds at special school. Its not local, nearly an hour away. LA won't fund transport. I have let the school know im looking for someone to help with ds as he gets much more holidays then mainstream dc. He's already on holiday!

Your ds has a statment that has led to a ss placement,the LA have a legal obligation to fund transport to school.

The distance and closer school rules do not apply.your child would not be in the school they are if there was a nearer one that could meet his needs.

I've contacted an agency about a mothers help/au pair/help. They were much more reasonably priced then I hoped. Even if I use them for a few weeks it will be a massive help.

I get your point Sock but its a long story & ds' school was incredibly difficult to get into. Its a small independent school & the majority of the children who attend don't have transport. Possibly its something I need to push more but I need to pick my battles & I've not the energy to fight the LA at present!

My mum has vnever really liked dp. More fool me for thinking I could talk to her about it.

Feeling much better for starting to organise stuff for when the baby arrives- however that may be!

Have you looked into the Home start programme?

I just came back to add that if I knew of a mum just out of a relationship with an arse that needed my help, I would gladly do what I could. I am sure most people are the same. So if you have any way of stepping up the school gate small talk/ befriending your DC friends parent on Facebook/ whatever, to mention that you and ex have split up, I think people will want to help.

You could even contact PTA at 5yo school to ask if anyone could do morning school run now and then in exchange for PTA donation. It might be against some rule or other to actually do it, but it shows people you are after help but not taking the piss, and they might just offer anyway. (I know you said reduced hours but assume he starts same time as others)