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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bloody present giving shite

36 replies

nilbyname · 15/12/2013 21:46

My brother has 3 kids, and he and his wife have an estranged relationship with her family. So the kids (10-15 age range) do not get any presents apart from them and my brothers side of the family. Ie me and my/our mum.

We are not spending Christmas Day together, but are meeting up a few days after. I have presents for them all and planned on giving them when I see them.

Tonight I get a phone call, brother is asking me to post the presents as his kids don't hAve much to open (this is bs, his kids have a mountain if stuff- probably a round £500 ech value).

My gifts are small (£20 value ish) but thoughtful. I want to given them in person, see them open to talk about it. Exchange gifts in person, surely this is what Christmas is all about!?!

I feel like I am being pulled into a drama that is not of my making and something my npbrotegr should be dealing with, and his kids are old enough to understand that they will have to wait?

So would IBU to tell him no I won't post them?

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/12/2013 00:35

Christmas Day is just an arbitrary day though, in some European countries presents get opened on Christmas Eve. I think you should stand your ground, OP, nobody needs to have their present on the day - spread out is much nicer in my opinion.

I'm sure the children will be happy to see you and open their presents then. It always seems to be the parents who have a problem with it, never the kids.

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 16/12/2013 00:43

YANBU.

Arkina · 16/12/2013 02:52

My brother and I both work for the emergency services so sometimes its maybe a few days after Xmas before we see each other.

I wouldn't consider sending their pressies or giving it to mum to pass on. We wait til were together. I put a lot of thought and time into presents and part of the fun for me is anticipating the reaction. I.know too that the girls (aged 7 and 10) love to hand over 'their' presents in person.

As far as Im concerned if a present isnt handed over on THE day then its no big deal. Besides my SIL has such a big family the girls love getting presents over a few days

Original poster

nilbyname · 16/12/2013 07:17

Ok, apart from a couple of posters, I think I am right in not sending the presents, and waiting till I see them......

For those of you who disagree, thank you for your input too. I suppose having presents on the day can be important to some. I choose to value the giving experience and spending time with that person, so doing it In person is sort of the important bit to me.

OP posts:

Joysmum · 16/12/2013 07:27

My majority of our family don't exchange gifts until the big family get together which is usually in Boxing Day. We much prefer to be there all together and exchange gifts.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 16/12/2013 07:48

My children have always been used to opening gifts on different days - we used to alternate between my parents and in laws so they'd always get gifts from the "other family" on a day other than Christmas.

I think that it is far more common now that families are more spread out.

WooWooOwl · 16/12/2013 08:16

YANBU. It really annoys me when people do this. If I give a gift to a child then I do like to see them open it, or at the very least, give it at a time of my choosing.

People should not expect gifts for their children and then use them to subsidise their own Santa presents. If they want their children to have more to open on Christmas Day, then let them bloody pay for it.

greenfolder · 16/12/2013 08:19

we are not estranged from my dhs husband- his parents are no longer with us, but love his siblings to bits. they dont buy presents for our kid (6) despite the many years of us buying their now adult children presents.

my mum buys- my brother is abroad and tight as arseholes and always has been. my sister does sometimes. It makes no difference at all to christmas day or anyones enjoyment of it. adults project their feelings onto the situation in my view

pudcat · 16/12/2013 08:21

We have always had 2 or 2 days for presents, depending on when we see people. This year it is Christmas Eve when I do a buffet tea for my eldest son and family. The grandchildren open our presents etc. Then on Christmas Day lunch with my youngest son and those presents are exchanged. Did this with my children when young as it seemed to make the giving and receiving more worthwhile, rather than just a whole big pile of presents to be torn open.

wigglesrock · 16/12/2013 08:26

I'd wait, but tbh I don't like this idea that the gift is about the person giving it more than the recipient. It for someone else, not about you. I really really dislike opening gifts infront of people. I always have done. I feel this weight of expectation & I feel uncomfortable. I don't see why I should open it just to make someone else feel good about themselves. If it's a gift for me then it's I'd like to open it without an audience.

Original poster

nilbyname · 16/12/2013 13:26

Wiggle- I actually agree with you about the present opening thing!

OP posts:

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