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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed about this...no show at DDs party!

31 replies

BigPinkBalloons · 15/12/2013 20:38

My DD was 4 last week, and we decided to do a party for her this year for the first time. We booked an activity party at our local leisure centre for yesterday, and had to pay per child, rather than a fixed price.

DD chose her friends who she would like to come from Playschool. All accepted, either by text, reply slip or verbally...but 2 girls didn't show up! No text on the Morning, and no apology text since. The 2 girls are related.

AIBU to be pissed off with this? This is the first party we've done, so does this happen quite regularly? I'm annoyed because I paid £22 for them to join us, and if I had known they weren't coming I could have invited someone else instead!!

OP posts:

ChristmasJumperWearer · 15/12/2013 20:39

YANBU and yes, from experience and threads on here, it does seem to happen quite a lot.

YouAreMyRain · 15/12/2013 20:40

Always happens IME, very annoying. I also get ones that don't reply but just waltz in at the start of the party expecting food etc.

Pisses me right off.

brettgirl2 · 15/12/2013 20:41

yanbu but people do things that I wouldn't, you can't change that. The important thing was dd enjoyed the party, get over it is my advice.

Original poster

BigPinkBalloons · 15/12/2013 20:43

christmas Really? Wow I think it's bloody rude. And maybe I'm a bit silly, but I'm always really chuffed for DD if she's invited to a party, so I wouldn't dream of just not turning up.
Rain that is equally as rude.

OP posts:

formerbabe · 15/12/2013 20:45

Yep same thing happened to me...2 kids didn't show to my eldest child's party...I had paid in advance for them. No text on the day so I was waiting round for them at the entrance. I think its disgraceful.

Original poster

BigPinkBalloons · 15/12/2013 20:46

brett she had a great time. But I also felt a bit sad when she asked where they were... (All week she has been checking with me who is coming to her party)

Yes, of course, I will 'get over it', more important things etc, I just think it's out of order.

OP posts:

RavenRose · 15/12/2013 20:47

In my experience it happens all the time.

Party acceptances round here mean nothing. At dds last party 15 invites went out, 10 replies, of the 5 who declined 4 turned up on the day, of the ones who accepted 3 no shows. Drives me bonkers as you never have an idea of numbers. Thankfully a lot of places round here realise this goes on and you pay a deposit when booking and settle up at the end when you have final numbers.

So yes, it seems to be normal!

snowed · 15/12/2013 20:49

YANBU. If someone can't make it at the last minute, you'd expect a text to say sorry they weren't able to come, and the reason.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 15/12/2013 20:51

Maybe something came up since both related children couldn't come? An illness for instance.

Surely you didn't pay the £22 though as they didn't come.

ServicePlease · 15/12/2013 20:52

IME most people do turn up bar illness when they contact you. However I do know 2 parents who have genuinely forgotten about parties their DC were invited to. Weekends are usually very busy and if there are parents with busy jobs/schedules and many DC, sometimes things do get forgotten

kinkyfuckery · 15/12/2013 20:52

It's very common, sadly. I was at a pay-per-head party with my DC2 this afternoon and the mother actually felt the need to thank me for coming, as she'd had both no-RSVPs and no-shows.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 15/12/2013 20:53

One of my good friends dd was a no show two years running without bothering to let me know so I don't bother inviting her anymore

Justforlaughs · 15/12/2013 20:53

Seems to be normal, but just because it's normal doesn't mean that it's right or not rude. My only advice would be to make sure that you send a reminder just before the party (I have to admit that it isn't unheard of for me to forget), it's easy to forget things like this, especially this close to Christmas, if there is a long gap between invites being given the event. Have you mentioned the party to the parents since the party? What was the response? If it was "Oh no, I'm so sorry, it slipped my mind" "Oh no, Mil got rushed to hospital" etc then fair enough. If it's a "Oh well, never mind" then I'd think twice before issuing another invite in that direction.

BrickorCleat · 15/12/2013 20:53

So rude. I'd text and ask if everything is ok as they were missed at the party.

Hope you had a lovely time despite this.

monicalewinski · 15/12/2013 20:54

YANBU, but yes it happens.

It's shit, but you just have to gloss over it with your daughter and shrug it off.

Loads of rude people around, but you'll soon get a good inkling of who they are now your daughter's on the party circuit!

Original poster

BigPinkBalloons · 15/12/2013 20:55

toffee I was wondering maybe an illness, but they are cousins, so I would have thought one of the Mums could have text me...

Yes, still had to pay for them. (We paid in advance) We had to have a minimum number of children at that price each, so no refunds. Which is why it was annoying, as I said before, I could have easily filled those places had I known.

OP posts:

JollySantersSelectionBox · 15/12/2013 20:59

Could something have happened to their grandparents?

Original poster

BigPinkBalloons · 15/12/2013 21:00

justforlaughs I haven't seen either of the parents yet. Party was Saturday, and we are back at Playschool Tomorrow.

I don't think I could say anything anyway, I'm a total wimp with no backbone

Yes, I do appreciate it's easy to forget at this time of year, if they have Christmas parties, family gatherings etc

OP posts:

peachysnail · 15/12/2013 21:01

When you next see the parents could you ask "was everything alright on (insert day of party) as we missed you at DD's party?" I think they're rude not to have texted an apology.IMO even if kids are ill it takes next to no time to send a text.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 15/12/2013 21:01

Bad form not to tell you in advance, then you could have invited someone else.

Alternatively, book a place where they bill for actuals rather than forecasted attendance. They may have a minimum spend required, but it is nice. Our local pottery cafe does this for example.

peachysnail · 15/12/2013 21:02

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 15/12/2013 21:02

Yes its common and its embarrassing! Having to face the mums again at the school etc...creates an akward situation when a simple apology could have sufficed ..

Original poster

BigPinkBalloons · 15/12/2013 21:02

jolly Yes, true, that IS a possibility. I hadn't thought of that one... Ahh let's hope not anyway!

OP posts:

monopoly123 · 15/12/2013 21:03

We turned up to a party with a very excited dd, present in hand to discover the party had been the day before. Dd was very upset, but I sent a text to the mum to apologise and arrange delivery of present. No communication is just rude, but it seems to happen a late.

JollySantersSelectionBox · 15/12/2013 21:04

Only struck a cord because it happened on DS 5th. We had left for the venue and when we got back one of the mums had phoned the house to say his nan had died.

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