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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want reassurance, positive stories and happy thoughts?

13 replies

crapholes · 15/12/2013 20:16

My dDad is poorly and I'm fucking terrified.

He was admitted to hospital last week severely anaemic and had a transfusion (3 units I think). They kept him in a couple of days, but he's since been readmitted. His canula site is infected and also he has unexplained swelling in some of his joints.

He's having a gastroscopy this week and also seeing the neurology people.

I just can't shake the feeling that it's something really dreadful. I'm 200 miles away and can do sod all. Sad

OP posts:
maddy68 · 15/12/2013 20:31

Complications like this do arise sadly, but he is I the best possible place and they will be testing for everything to make sure they cover all the bases. He will be fine Wine. Try not to worry.

raffle · 15/12/2013 20:33

Can you go to him, seeing him and speaking with the hospital staff may help reassure you. Hope he better soon.

NearTheWindmill · 15/12/2013 20:36

Why do you have to stay 200 miles away? Why can you do no more than sod all? If you are that worried why can't you do something proactive?

Original poster
crapholes · 15/12/2013 20:37

Thanks both. I asked him on the phone today if he'd like me to be there (have been fighting the urge to just get in the car and drive up since I first heard on Wednesday), but he said not. He doesn't want the dc to see him how he is, and it's too complicated not to take them. We're going up for Christmas next Monday once I've finished work, and he's optimistic he'll be fine by then. I'm less convinced.

OP posts:
Original poster
crapholes · 15/12/2013 20:38

Nearthewindmill like what? I have a job, as does dh. I have dc in school and nursery. I would love nothing more than to drop everything and head up there but he's actively told me not to.

OP posts:
wannabeanathlete · 15/12/2013 20:42

Near, I don't think that is very helpful.

There are many reasons that on a Sunday evening you can do sod all from 200 miles away: kids in bed, no baby sitter; no car and no trains; but also matters like, having no child care and no children allowed on the ward (been there, done that)...

OP it is scary but he is in the best place. If you can't get there tonight then tomorrow is a new day where more things are possible for you and things may be better for him. There may at least be some answers.

have a hand to hold.

ThurlHoHoHow · 15/12/2013 20:42

Bloody hell, what's in the water this weekend? Did an email go out to encourage people to be so shitty all over random threads? Hmm

I'm sorry you're so worried, OP, it's horrible when you can't be there. Are the hospital staff talking to you so that you know what is really happening, not just what your dad translates it as?

NearTheWindmill · 15/12/2013 21:05

You didn't say he had actively told you not to go. You said you were terrified that something awful was afoot. My advice if you genuinely feel something awful is afoot then you need to go to your father if you possibly can. If you can't then you need to speak to the hospital, keep in touch with family who are near him, write and send things he likes.

I don't believe one can genuinely ever do sod all. If he needed you; you would have to go and make arrangements for the children, to cover work: compassionate leave, call on friends, etc.

I am really sorry your father is ill but if you are genuinely scared for him then I think you need to go to him.

Original poster
crapholes · 15/12/2013 22:04

Thanks. Will call the hospital again tomorrow. Have just spoken to dMum though and she sounds optimistic, which is odd as she's usually the one heading to the auto-panic option! He's had x-rays today and a consultation with orthopaedics to rule out joint damage; they think the swelling is related to his ongoing gout. He's had to stop the meds for that as they think that's what landed him in there in the first place..

Near I've already sent a card/pictures from the dc, am in text contact with him (sporadically, signal is crap in there), plus talking to dMum and dsis, so I guess I'm not doing nothing. I had a health crisis last year and they couldn't get to me straight away, despite wanting to. dDad said when they arrived "It's 200 miles, might as well be the bloody moon", and that's kinda how I'm feeling now.

OP posts:
shallweshop · 15/12/2013 22:12

Near - not very helpful, get real, it is not that easy.

Crap - please try to stay positive. There is no need right now for you to go rushing up there to him. I hope he's ok.

NearTheWindmill · 15/12/2013 22:17

I am terribly sorry. I was not trying to be unkind or unhelpful.

Tomkat79 · 15/12/2013 22:51

crapholes don't panic. I'm a nurse and I would say from your description all doesn't sound too serious. The gastroscopy is just to see if they can find a reason for dad's anaemic..,ie gastric erosions etc. They will be keeping a close eye on his hb levels etc. As you say the swelling of his joints is likely to be gout and cannula infections are a nuisance but not life threatening.
He's in the best place, try to relax.

Original poster
crapholes · 20/12/2013 00:12

Back with a quick update - thanks all for the thoughts. Tomkat you were right thankfully, he's home and the marvellous old git is sounding so so much better! His gastroscopy does show evidence of past problems but all is healing. He shouldn't have been on his previous anti-inflammatory regime as long as he was, and it's now a question of finding something that suits both his joints and his guts, but other than that all is well. I am looking forward to giving him the hugest hug in the world on Monday!!

Oh and I asked if we could go up earlier, I'd skip work on Monday and we could spend this weekend with them too. Answer was no, he's taking dMum away for the weekend. Think he's feeling better Grin

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