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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only order food for ppl who've actually RSVP'd

25 replies

RogueRebel · 15/12/2013 18:15

Both my DD's have their birthdays the same week as Christmas.
I've organised a party for both of them and invited 22 children. I didn't expect everyone to show this close to Christmas (19th). But I have only received RSVP's from 3 parents, as of today I know there will be 7 children including my two.
would I be unreasonable to cut down on the food? its a flat fee for two hour hire of the soft play + Â£2.99 per head for food.
I'm a single mum, studying part time and working 16hours a week. I struggle to afford expensive treats but manage to muddle through and the children never go without, however I do.
I wouldn't normally mind but the difference in numbers is so large.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 15/12/2013 18:17

Can you send a text/facebook/message in school books out tomorrow and ask people to let you know by Tuesday evening?

How long ago did you send the invites out?

Ghanagirl · 15/12/2013 18:19

Hi, I would contact parents you know well then pay for only those who RSVP, it's really rude not to reply but in my experience (6 year old twins) not uncommon unfortunately!

AuntySib · 15/12/2013 18:19

Do you have to pay for the food in advance? I know some soft play centres only charge for the children who are there. I'm afraid it seems to be the norm not to RSVP unless reminded....

FunkyBoldRibena · 15/12/2013 18:21

No I'd cut it down to 7 kids. No way let food for 22 be made and chucked out - that's bonkers.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/12/2013 18:22

Yes i would send another text to all those you have numbers for and say you are booking meals tomorrow morning so need responses by 9am anyone who hasnt replied by then dont order for.

Original poster

RogueRebel · 15/12/2013 18:28

I need to confirm numbers for food tomorrow and I sent the invitations out in November. I don't have any numbers for the parents I don't know personally, all the ones I do know are coming. I've has a dodgy RSVP in person in the playground but that was a mum saying if we are coming we'll be there?
would it be rude of me to cut down food and if people show muddle through with the excuse that there was no RSVP?

OP posts:

Sirzy · 15/12/2013 18:30

can you try to catch people on the playground in the morning?

maybe cut down to 12 or 15 so you have food for some?

BerryChristmas · 15/12/2013 18:32

I'd stick to the 7 - anyone who turns up who hasn't had the courtesy of rsvp-ing gets promptly told that they have not been catered for as they didn't rsvp! But, then, I'm 'ard I am

CaptainSweatPants · 15/12/2013 18:34

Oh you sent out invites too early
Send them out a fortnight before otherwise people forget

CeliaFate · 15/12/2013 18:34

I'd send a reminder in tomorrow and ask the teacher to give them out, stating clearly that you need a text by 5pm to confirm attendance.

Hassled · 15/12/2013 18:37

I'd go for the Tough Love approach. They couldn't be arsed to reply, you didn't order them food. Fair enough. Maybe next time they'll get their act together.

GreenShadowsOfTheChristmasTree · 15/12/2013 18:39

As Sirzy says. Maybe allow for a few extras turning up and order food for a number somewhere in the middle.

Jinty64 · 15/12/2013 18:45

Yes, send reminders in to school to go in their book bags with your mobile number on. Let them know you need confirmation of attendance. Book or the number that confirm and tell anyone else who turns up that they are welcome to stay and play but that a meal has not been ordered for them and if they want to eat they will need to buy their own.

jellybeans · 15/12/2013 20:13

'I'd send a reminder in tomorrow and ask the teacher to give them out, stating clearly that you need a text by 5pm to confirm attendance.'

I agree with the above. I sympathize. This was the bane of kids parties for me. People are so rude not RSVPing. I had to chase half of them up the last week and luckily all except 1 turned up. But it was all my own effort rather than people simply replying.

saulaboutme · 15/12/2013 21:27

I would only provide for rsvp's I'm afraid. Maybe cater for up to 10 but that's it.

Some people can have a bad bad habit of bothering to rsvp and it's rude.

I've seen it so many times.

Original poster

RogueRebel · 16/12/2013 08:05

I think I'm just going to cater for 12. I always RSVP and I'm actually shocked that so many couldn't even be bothered to send a simple txt.

I've also ordered a cake and hot drink for the adults for 25 just incase two parents show. so I might reconsider that, or ill just eat loads of cake myself.

I've been told I should of sent the invites out further ahead of time so people can change existing plans.
it seems, after talking to another mum from school, most parents don't RSVP at all.

OP posts:

greenfolder · 16/12/2013 08:12

tis rubbish- i am amazed at the number of people who just dont reply. My recent dds birthday I cracked it. Put the invite in a a4 envelope so it looked like it was from the school. Said people had to reply by the following tuesday or i would assume they werent coming- £14 per head. had 9 out of 10 responses within 24 hrs and the 10th by the deadline

TheJollyReindeer · 16/12/2013 08:16

I would order food for 10 and just say I only ordered food for the number of rsvps received.

I have had this and done this although it was food and party bags at my own house. As people turned up who had not Rsvpd I greeted them with a fairly blunt comment about being surprised to see them as we assumed they were not coming as we had not had a reply.
I stretched the food and loudly kept apologising in front of everyone for the lack of food.

I did feel a bit mean with the party bags and only gave to those I knew were coming. Just had balloons for the rest of them.

treaclesoda · 16/12/2013 08:21

I would also assume that no rsvp means not coming.

Although my friend was recently loudly complaining about people not rsvp-ing to party invitations and shortly afterwards discovered that she herself had texted her rsvp to the wrong phone number and therefore had not rsvp-ed either

EBearhug · 16/12/2013 08:23

I think with it so close to Christmas, you're right to send the invitations out early, but they probably need a reminder nearer the time, on which I'd point out that only RSVPs received by (today) would be catered for. This does mean you risk only s handful turning up, though. But if you've been clear about it, they can't really complain. They will, though.

3bunnies · 16/12/2013 09:12

Another thing that you can do is only give them half the invitation - so date but no venue or no time and ask them to rsvp for more details. Fortunately at school most people rsvp but I would be annoyed at spending money on people who can't be bothered to reply.

justtoomessy · 16/12/2013 10:26

I put on my DS's invites you need to RSVP for party bags. Everyone that RSVP's turned up and no one that didn't. I was lucky and I wrote the names on the party bags to.

How is the food bring out out? My friend out the food in a box each so could just be handed to kids (like a happy meal box) with their names on.

I think it is shocking that people don't RSVP and I am really disorganised.

Original poster

RogueRebel · 17/12/2013 17:50

I phoned today and ordered food for 15 on the assumption ppl would show without RSVPing. the party venue does a buffet but she did promise any food not eaten will be doggy bagged up so my DD can eat at home. I will be apologising at the door and saying what a lovely surprise it is to see you. so my point is put across.

OP posts:

Snog · 17/12/2013 21:45

people who didnt rsvp wont be embarrassed no matter what you say to them when they turn up!

GreenShadowsOfTheChristmasTree · 20/12/2013 08:43

What happened Rogue?
How many turned up?

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