To think that posting about a friends family member dying on facebook

[wakeupandsmellthecoffee]

When she had only died two hours ago is ....well what is it.?????
So as not to drop feed .My sister's kids are upset because they found out about their mum's step sister passing on facebook.
Two hours she had been dead surely anyone could work out that not all the family might not have heard in such a small space of time.
I'm posting on here because I want to know if I'm in the minority in feeling this way.
If wise mumsnetters tell me I am then all well and good .

where my dh works a member of staff died while they were on shift. Before any of the family were told another member of staff had put it on Facebook!

LRD... You're giving examples of genuine grief though. I'm talking about the people who basically graffiti, for want of a better word, RIP and similar when they didn't know the person even. That's mawkish in my book and really insensitive.

People don't have the right to post what they like wherever they like; not if they have any kind of internal 'brakes'. Most wouldn't be so gratuitous and well, rude.

Bailstapus... I'm reminded of my outrage when I remember that. What a pathetic excuse for a person that was. Diana's sons, so dignified, it must have been a huge ordeal for them and they had to listen to that. Still, I expect she's hugely proud of the fact that her screeching is recorded for time immemorial.

This is why Facebook is a bag of shite. People are so desperate for attention that they will make anything about them and post about it even if its nothing at all to do with them. It's warped all the social norms and etiquette around things and its horrible.

Yes, I am giving examples of genuine grief.

To try to explain why some of the comments on this thread are actually quite hurtful. I'm sure it's not intentional and people are simply not thinking that their comments might be read by someone who has lost someone and who happened to say so on facebook, or god forbid to post a 'RIP' status a year later - but people do read and think about threads.

Someone has actually criticized a bereaved parent for the way they marked their baby's death, saying that her other sister was 'so upset'.

Well, yeah. I bet the baby's mother was, too.

Argh. I misread that post and someone announced a birth not a death (thank goodness). But still ... FFS, do we have to assume everyone who posts on facebook about life events is doing so to be attention-seeking?

LRD, wasn't that a reference to a birth?

Whoops cross post!

My fault.

There should be telephone calls to family, good friends etc. informing them of the death. Not a Facebook announcement. But then I'm old and old fashioned.

And while I'm at it, I do HATE those Facebook messages left that are written in text-speak when someone dies ... 'miss U loads Babe U R 2gd 4 this world CU in heaven ...'

Still, like I said, I'm ancient ... when I pop off, if my grandbrats want to text-speak me, then I 4give them in advance!

Mostly announcing a death on Facebook is inappropriate. However, there are a few rare cases were it is. This year a friend of mine died young after a long a valiant fight. Her friends are spread across the world and we had kept in contact with her through many surgeries and long periods in hospital with Facebook. Her family were with her when she passed and a few hours later her brother posted that she had lost her fight.
What made me angry were the selfish individuals who posted that they could bring themselves to attend her funeral - I did go. If you can't bring yourself then don't go, but posting that I feel is very hurtful to her family who would have given the world to not need to have a funeral and still have their beautiful girl.

That's my point, I think, Lonecat, people who are NOT grieving don't necessarily have the sensibilities of what would be decent behaviour as it's not affecting them.

Announcing the death on FB as you've said in this instance seems appropriate to me; the comments from the 'friends' who couldn't face the funeral, were not. Why did they not just keep silent after posting condolences? Probably because it's obviously all-about-them... I would have been deeply hurt as a family member/close friend to see those posts.

oldgrandmama... That made me laugh; I too don't like or understand txt spk!

I found out my Nan had died via FB from a cousins 'touching' RIP status update.

My nan wasn't even cold before her death was feeding fodder for randoms who hadn't met her. And I can't see any other reason other than to reap the 'aw, so sorry babez' attention seeking comments.

I don't give a shit whether I'm old fashioned, unreasonable, out of touch or a proper closed off bitch. It was horrible and my dad who is not of the FB generation was absolutely livid as he had not been able to tell some other close family members yet. He'd just lost his mum & now he was pissed off & worried too.

If others find marking anniversaries on FB aids their healing, fine. But announcing deaths minutes after hearing? Utterly stupid & inappropriate.

My sympathies OP & Lindt

I know someone who went to a funeral and put a picture of the coffin on fb AND TAGGED the person in the coffin

I've never heard anything like this - appalling!

OP YANBU it's really bad form.

There is no excuss for it, PM the people who need to know to ring you on 01234 567890 because you have some bad news.

There was a huge issue in my family a few months ago when a man learnt about the death of his Grandma through somebody else's Facebook status. It was awful.

I think people should have some tact, realise it can take time to let all friends and family know and not do something so stupid as to make public announcements so carelessly.

YABU to be offended at anything that you see on FB. It always has had offensive posts and always will, because of the people who post on it.

If you don't want to be offended by FB there is a very simple way to avoid it. That way has always worked for me, and for many, many other people.

The idiot who posted it wasn't even a friend of my step sister on facebook.GRIEF WANK for sure.

afraid you are all harking back to a time long gone.

when our dd was in a fatal crash we found out about the crash through a call from another parent who had been texted by their son from the other coach the hadn't crashed.

then it was in the Internet and sky news.

the parents of all the girls had hours of not knowing if girls were dead/alive/injured. the police and foreign office contacted us all eventually.

the Internet is instant and it's out there. no stopping it.

our policies for school trips since this incident, your will too as it's nationwide, will include no use of mobile phones in an incident. yeah right!!!!!!

there were people at the crash scene obviously helping the girls, others were taking photos and videos and posting them online, these were children remember.

the genie is out of the bottle I am afraid to say.

some people seem desensitised to normal decent human emotions.

op yanbu.