Xmas ...

[pamelat]

A time for love and goodwill ;(

Last year for various reasons we had a terrible Xmas. We agreed to not go away again with families as think it was too much (selfish MIL, poorly children etc)

Since this time MIL really upset me, publically criticised me. I won't go in to it here but we tried to move on and she accepted that she was too interfering etc. she'd really over stepped the boundaries.

I've slowly got over this. Started sending videos and photos iof kids again and inviting over etc.

DH says I shouldn't interact with her, just via him, invade she does it again but I feel like I've offered her this last chance and it's up to her?

Anyway .... We invited everyone to outs Xmas day (only 30 min drive for all) but only my parents accepted. To be fair it's ideal (selfishly) but I'm not sure id cope with a big day all together.

Anyway a few days before Xmas we are going over and she's now said to make that Xmas day, presents etc.

AIbU to not want to do a big pre Xmas Xmas? Kids are 5 and 3 and I don't want to spoil the anticipation of Xmas morning at ours? To which they are invited and we are going over on 26th dec and would be more than happy to do another Xmas then?

DH has walked out due to huge row about this as he is just oblivious and not bothered either way so AIBU?

YANBU to not want to do Christmas before actual Christmas! FFS, with kids that small it would be a recipe for disaster.

I think you sound incredibly reasonable and adult in your efforts to build bridges with your MIL and should be commended for that, but you're still allowed to say no to fucksticks-crazy ideas.

We always had a mini Christmas at MiL's when she was alive. Just present swapping with those who were there and a lovely family time.

It didn't take the shine off the real thing at all.

Xmas twice with the 25 being the first is probably better.

It's what we always did.

We stayed with my paternal GPs, presents and dinner there.
Tea at my maternal GPs.

Christmas dinner again on Boxing Day, back at paternal GPs, when DDads brother and family appeared. (They did Xmas day at in laws)

Two days chaos and wound up DCs and then peace.

Would I cause WW3 over doing Xmas on the day and before, No! I'd love my Christamas mad DMIL to still be with us and to have spent just one Christmas Day with the 3/4 DGs she never met.

It depends on what she means by making the earlier day be Christmas.

If she wants that to be the day you swop family presents, then I don't see the problem. My family did this when I was small and sometimes we still do it, it was lovely. It's not when Father Christmas comes, so it's not Christmas Day in the minds of small children. It's just family having a nice day together and swapping presents.

If she wants to do the full on turkey dinner and everything then YANBU, and I can see why it might cause problems if yours is one of the households where all presents come from Father Christmas. But in that situation I'd say it was the tradition of having all presents from FC that was wrong, not the idea of family swopping presents a bit early.

It's fully Xmas say

Sacks of presents from them and All on their side of family. Aunts/uncles etc

Big dinner etc

It's not the day itself that I mind, purely the present thing. If it were after Xmas (when we are going) then that would be fine but I don't like it being before.

With all the context of fall ours etc, which have been about her being interfering/dominating etc, before just feels like she's taking our day, whilst knowing I'm being a bit childish ;)