Am I being the drama queen

[glittertree]

I confided in my sister recently that I had been suffering badly with anxiety this year and having panic attacks ...this was affecting my whole life and making me feel miserable so I decided to do something about it and got some help through my doctor to have cbt..
I also explained to my sister that I wanted to tell no one about it and asked her to please not tell a soul so only she and my husband knew..
.yesterday she said she had a confession to make and said that she had to tell my dad as my husband has accidentally said I was at an hospital appointment and my dad had phoned her to ask why so she said it was only right that he knew! I feel really upset and angry that she decided to tell the rest of the family because the reason I suffer so badly with anxiety is related to a crap childhood I just wanted to deal with it and not involve everyone ...
She was very defensive as if I had done something wrong I did say to her it was my right but she got annoyed with me ! I know this may sound trivial but it's a big thing for me and I know really deep down the rest of my family were just being nosey and wanting to know why I was at the hospital because if they really did care they would have phoned me and said are you ok but no one bothered their backsides once they found out what they wanted to know!
my dad just doesn't understand mental health issues and thinks things like that are a joke...
I know I sound really over dramatic but I spent most of yesterday feeling pissed off angry and hurt that my sister felt justified in telling something I asked her to keep between us ..Am I being unreasonable ?

I don't think so. You asked her to kwep something confidential and she didn't.

Don't share information with her in future.

*keep.

No you aren't.

There are hundreds of reasons why someone could be at a hospital appointment - your sister could have come out with a very creative and believable lie....like you were just having a blood test or something. There was absolutely no reason for her to disclose your health problems. I would also be really upset if I was you x

Yanbu, my parents ask me about my sister's appts/personal life, I just tell them to ask her if they want to know but I consider her private life just that - private. She had no right to tell them, and she knows that otherwise she wouldn't get defensive. Don't tell her anything again.

The thing is what would you have liked her to say. I mean she could have said "I don't know" when your dad asked, but if she was put on the spot, she probably couldn't come up with something believable but non serious.

I've never known someone to go to hospital for something that wasn't somewhat serious or because they have an ongoing condition so I would have probably blurted out something daft like you'd broken your leg in a panic.

It was your DH who put in the position of either lying or breaking your confidence so it's not entirely her fault that people now know.

Of course you aren't being a drama queen. She could have easily come up with an excuse - even that she didn't know why you were at the hospital!

It sounds like your family are causing you distress at the moment either directly or indirectly - I would advise distancing yourself slightly until their opinions aren't affecting you so much. They are your family, not oracles and even if your dad thinks depression and anxiety are jokes it doesn't mean he's right or that that should affect your opinions.

Well done on being brave enough to seek help

I just know that things my sister have told me in confidence have stayed that way ...yes my husband said i was at an hospital appointment but I still don't see why she felt she had to say what I was doing I did say to her all she needed to say was i don't know ...perhaps I am more annoyed with myself because she has done this to me so many times ...and I was the one that should have known better !

Honestly, YANBU because you specifically asked her not to say anything; but I think you are being a wee bit over dramatic about the fact that she has - she was put on the spot and blurted it out, she 'fessed up straight away and is on the defensive more than likely because she knows she dropped you in it.

I'm saying this as someone who has had anxiety etc myself, so am not trying to undermine how you feel (because that is how you feel and you're entitled to feel like that) but I do think that the fact that she blabbed is not worthy of any more headspace - try and let it go and cut her a bit of slack, esp if you believe that she is sorry and there was no malice involved.

Post, sorry, just seen that she's done it before - only you know if you can trust her again, but still I would say to stop giving this your stress if you can. Xx

I think that YABU.

She's told you straightaway what happened.

It's a set of unfortunate circumstances-started by your husband & compounded by the fact that your father doesn't care/has no understanding.

Yanbu to be hurt and angry that your confidence has been broken. People are absolutely correct that it would have been an easy lie or redirection to avoid giving out your specific details.

I do wonder though - as you said your issues stem from childhood - that perhaps your sister, when faced with direct confrontation from your father, would have been in a position where she's panicked or felt completely unable to lie.

Sorry if that's way off the mark, but I can't help but presume that your childhoods would have taken place in similar circumstances and if you have issues leftover from that it's possible she may have to. Or at least be conditioned to respond in a particular way.

Please feel free to tell me to fuck off with my armchair psychology

I think perhaps when I really think about it I am to blame ..because she has done this to me a lot whenever I have confided in her turned around and said it accidentally came out ...so I shouldn't have put my trust in her again i think I've finally learnt a lesson and just won't tell her things I want kept secret in the future ..thanks for all your replies x

If we heard that one of the DC was going into hospital, we would want to know why. Your DH put your sister in a really awkward position, and she ended up being asked straight out. It would be different if she'd gone off and gossiped, but it's a bit much expecting her to lie when asked directly.