Would you be annoyed

[CheckedPjs]

So my mum has done nothing but moan at me that I spend Saturday's with my partner and that she doesn't get to see me on her own. She now has a new man in her life of about 2 weeks that she does nothing but ditch everyone for!

For instance:

Last Saturday she had me drive 20 miles to a shop to pick up an item of clothing because she had asked me out, thinking I'd make a day of it I invited my friend and we took our LO's out did some Christmas shopping and got lunch, Round 4 o'clock I get a phone call demanding to know where I am as she's at my house and I'm not there with this dress she wanted. She hadn't told me to be home by a certain time or that she needed it for a certain time I was just told to pick it up, so I tell my friend we have to go half way home she calls me again "I've left now, forget it and take it back. I've had to wear a dress that's to big because of you"

Sunday comes and I tell her I would be taking the dress back this AM she ask's to come with me as she brought the same dress two sizes to big (the one she wore last night) and wanted to return it for the one I had and I had to be ready for midday. Midday comes around and I ring her she's still in the hotel room with this new man and she'll be there when she's there. She asked me to have dinner with her, so I did and I told her I'd cook it for 7, knowing my mother she's usually 5/10 minutes late so I did it for 7:10pm She wasn't here and she had told me she was leaving at 7, I gave my LO dinner and after 5 minutes I ate mine. Come half past she still isn't here LO has finished and so have I so I start washing up. My buzzer goes off and I let what I thought was her in, turns out it was my partner who waited till after dinner to come round Just as I finished she strolls in all dolled up it's quarter to eight LO is late for bed because I kept her up for her as she asked when LO's bed time is 6pm. She then proceeds to get arsey with me because her dinner is cold When I tell her she said she was leaving at 7 and she wanted it done for that time what did she expect? Her response was the new man had called and therefore she just had to take the call so she was late and it's not her fault is it. She eats her dinner leaves her plate on the floor and practically runs out the door because she's off to his house.

She normally see's us throughout the week yet she continually arranged to come see me and LO telling me to tell LO she was coming round to see her and the ditch us because he had phoned and asked her to come round. LO some days was standing by the window calling "nanna" every time a car drove past or someone walked in the hall way.

I rang her on the way to Sainsbury's Wednesday to catch up as I hadn't seen her for a long time for us and she got arsey again that I was doing my food shop without her. Never mind LO had ran out of milk bread it wasn't fair but she promised to see me tonight at Pole dancing. I get there and the girls come in and tell me that she isn't coming. I ring her and I get "yeah well the new man arsed if I was free so I went round" I reiterate our whole conversation about how she promised to see me and wasn't even going to let me know as I wouldn't of gone if she wasn't going to. She missed the last week to after promising all the girls she'd be there because he called and she dropped everything. The girls where annoyed and so was I cause she'd promised us all she'd be there and only told one of the girls because they rang her.

I then get the new man on the phone asking me questions like "Do you want me to be your step dad?!, What am I like as a person, Do I like him, about my LO?!?! I've never met this bloke and this is the first time I've spoken to him

She ditched another friend yesterday she arranged to have dinner with because he rang, she came round to see my LO today who was knackered as it was past bed time and LO is ill and she falls asleep!!! wakes up as her phone goes off and it's him she just left again because he wants to see her.

Would you be annoyed?! Because I am. More for the fact that she keeps asking me to keep my LO up promising to be here then not bothering without even letting us know

You go pole dancing with your mum??

catelyn That's all you got?

Yes I do, we only have one pole dancing class local and that's the gym not some pole dancing club. It's called Pole for fitness but it's just pole dancing for us.

I would make light of all her silly antics and when she goes off on one say something sarcy but nice. Then you don't end up falling out.
You can't let her take advantage of you like she is though, you need to get on with things without her and not rely on her to meet you or be on time.
Stop arranging things with her and when she asks why, tell her she's unreliable. When she has missed your lo for a while she'll realise what she's doing. You go pole dancing with your mum? how old is she?

Why are you keeping your DC up for her?

They go to bed at their usual time and she either sees them before or she doesn't.

MoreThan She's 45 and I'm 20 lol. I don't want to fall out with her I love her to bit's but she even forgot about taking my LO to harrods to see Santa She's now asking the new man to book the train and tube because she said she'd done it but forgot :(

Nanny I only keep my LO up for her because she say's she on her way about 5:45pm and I want my LO to see her, he absolutely loves her the bones of her and she work about 7am-5:30pm. I use to live with her last year and she saw LO every day and then when I moved out she use to come round every day because she missed him. The other day he fell asleep at 6 on the floor underneath the window waiting so when I told her to forget it he's in bed he fell asleep I got "Oh babbaloona I've just left to see you" she then didn't text and went straight round the new mans house

Firstly, don't tell your DS when you think she might come round. If you know she's flakey then why set him up for a fall?

When you're saying about the dress, it sounds like you have no choice in whether you go the 20 miles to take it back. If you don't want to do something she wants it's OK to say you can't. Her saying it as though she expects obedience doesn't mean you have to obey.

No need to be rude or fall out with her, but be firm and keep repeating until she gets the message.

She seems to be putting this bloke before you, and I don't blame you for feeling put out, especially if you've lived with each other up until recently, and what he was saying about the step dad bit was a bit weird, was he drunk?

The main thing is whether this is normal behaviour for her or whether you think it's an indicator that something's going on that you should worry about.

I don't set him up to fail, She generally makes you feel like she's going to come round. But I guess now I just won't bother telling LO anymore and keep it as a "surprise".

If I say no then shit will hit the fan, I'll get told about how she'll never do anything for me ever again and how I'm so ungrateful. After all she's done for me for my whole life I can't do this one little thing for her.

No he wasn't, her whole life is seeming to be wrapping around this man she works with him, she'll go home and then she'll go back to him. My brother is constantly saying she's never there but she doesn't care. I just don't want to sound unreasonable to think that she is ditching everyone for this man.

She has been single for about 10 years so I've never experienced this before

The man sounds a bit odd tbh - constantly making last minute demands of her (which she obeys) and ringing you up to ask you what seemed like very personal questions? I'd be worried about her and his influence if I were you.

I didn't mean you were setting your DS up in a nasty way or anything I used to have a flakey friend and DD1 would get all excited about her DD coming round and they were either a couple of hours late or didn't turn up. It's really annoying, I just carried on with what I'd normally be doing after a while.

If she hasn't seen anyone in so long then it's understandable she's a bit wrapped up in it, and it must be a bit weird not being her number one priorities.

How old is your brother?

Maybe she's a bit nervous about introducing you and your brother to him? About what you'll think of him? You sound very important to her so it must be important what you think of him.

She sounds as though she is In Lust and is besotted

She has lost all sense of proportion.

I think you may find yourself picking up the pieces if she gets dumped.

She is BVU.

Hopefully the man is decent and not so control freak.

Are you Kerry Katona?

But seriously, your mum is being rather difficult. Perhaps time to back off from making arrangements with her for a bit. Let her mend some bridges. Sorry that your little one has been disappointed.

From what I've been told he's very flash lots of money, nice car and a 6 year old DD.

I don't want to sound like a spoilt brat I do have my own family my LO, my partner my own home friends etc but we've gone from doing everything together, her texting/calling/seeing me daily to barely hearing a word from her and seeing her one day a week depending on whether he's got to her first and even if he hasn't she'll soon ditch you for him anyway.

My brother is 19 nearly 20 He's already met him and doesn't like him because my mum's gone from coming home daily to as I say grabbing clothes and going she won't even shower at home she'll do it at his .

It's strange for a year she's been mentioning of going back to her maiden name which I changed mine to a couple of weeks ago to her telling me today "he wants me to change my surname because he doesn't like the thought of me being someone else's woman" She's made every excuse not to change her name and now he's mentioned it she's getting ready to do it?! She even booked a holiday with a friend she's known for years and now she's talking about cancelling it and going with him because he suddenly wants to go. They weren't even seeing each other apart from at work when she booked it.

I can't get round the idea of why she's ditching her friends, the gym, her family for this bloke cause when it goes tit's up she's going to have nobody because she's left us all behind for some bloke.

Don't tell your DD's she's coming and don't plan your day/little ones sleeps around her. If she makes a fuss explain that she keeps letting you down and you will not go out of your way for her.

I wouldn't make any arrangements with her to be honest, I'd give her a wide birth with very little contact as you are so far down her list.

Tapioca he has the DD lol.

She said I'm meant to be seeing her tomorrow and Wednesday for taking LO to Harrods to see Santa. I just hope she isn't constantly on her phone to him.

I'll stop making plans with her and telling DS she's coming around.

No i'm not Kerry Katona haha!

It just sucks That it feels like I'm loosing my mum :(

She's in the shagzone. Get on with your life, get on with your own stuff and standby to pick up the pieces....

You're not unreasonable, I'd be fuming.

But you both need to live your own lives, sounds a bit like you're in each other's pockets

She probably feels guilty about seeming to drop you, and that spurs her on to make arrangements she can't keep.

Regardless of age, that feeling when you've just started to see someone and it's all exciting can eclipse everything else if you're not careful.

Is there any way you can look at this as good for your mum, that she's getting an independent life and is happy?

Although I don't like the sound of 'he doesn't like the thought of me being someone else's woman', that's very possessive and controlling, and YWNBU to feel worried if you thought this man had a sinister control over your mum.

Your DM obviously hasn't heard of the expression "don't burn your bridges"! If she alienates her family and friends for some bloke she has only been going out with for 5 minutes, she is setting herself up.

The novelty of a new partner paying her attention has gone to her head - fair enough, love has a habit of doing that. But...

YANBU to be fed up of it, based on the long list of things she has done to you recently.

Probably best to detach, get on with your own life, and take control back, eg - not changing your LOs bedtime, your DM is too unreliable at the moment.

In answer to her new man's question he sounds pushy and a complete dipstick, Do you want a step dad? Umm doesn't he know you have a child of your own? He must be on another planet! That would really wind me up.

Id just ignore him, until your DM has been seeing him a lot longer then decide if you think he's worth bothering about and if he is treating your DM well.

Ignore, don't make plans with her, she knows where you are if she wants to see you so let her do the running.

With regards to the Harrods Santa trip, make sure your mum has actually got you a prebooked ticket as they are all sold out & you cant turn up to buy one on the day. Otherwise your child will be very disappointed to go all the way there & then turned back.

She's been with him 2 weeks. He's got lots of money and she is 45and sounds desperate

I agree with others that you should be telling your DM and she should be asking not bossing you about and complaining . And to wait to pick up the pieces. He sounds strange.