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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be devastated at having to spend Christmas with inlaws

18 replies

Cleio · 14/12/2013 17:18

Had baby in early October, have a 22 month old toddler as well.

Due to circumstances beyond our control we ended up homeless a few days before my due date. At first it was okay, we had the use of an apartment belonging to a friend. At the end of October, we were supposed to move into our new house. Except for one reason or another, there were just more and more delays.

The result is that since baby has been two weeks old I've been living with my inlaws. Husband is only here on weekends due to work. Now, I normally get on with them well enough, but living in their house is a different thing altogether. MIL is a strong and dominant personality. Fair enough, her house, her rules, but after two months of this I'm really struggling to cope. The only way this works is by me not having an opinion about anything and just agreeing with everything MIL says.

Toddler is being spoiled rotten and when I try to intervene I just get told that they know better.

I'm grateful for them putting us up but I need to have some space. I feel like I'm a child again. I've lost all control over my life. No privacy. I cannot decide what or when I eat, I'm not allowed to cook. I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere and I don't have a car so I pretty much don't leave the house all week. I've no one to talk to, nowhere to go. Since the baby was born I've not had a chance to do anything for myself, see any of my friends and I'm going insane.

Since finding out yesterday that we won't have the keys to the new house before Christmas after all I've spend any moment to myself crying. The thought of essentially another month in this situation is just so miserable. I had kept myself going by thinking about how lovely Christmas by ourselves would be and now that is gone I've lost the one thing I was holding onto.

Husband tries to help but he's having a difficult time of it himself. He's barely seen DD2 since she was born and really misses the toddler who is a really daddy's girl. He lives with his brother during the week though at least he gets to go out! We do stuff as a family during the weekends but it passes so quick and then the endless drag of trying to get through another week.

I just want to have a place of my own again, be a family with my husband and two girls, where I make the rules and occasionally get to do my own thing.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/12/2013 17:21

urgh, do you have any family you could go and stay with even for a week for a break? Or good friends?

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking · 14/12/2013 17:21

YANBU. That sounds like really hard work for you at the moment, and I'm sure I'd feel the same way in your shoes.

BettyandDon · 14/12/2013 17:23

That's hideous! So sorry. Is there anywhere else to stay or even a 3 month let? Why is your husband not staying there too? Could you go to his brothers ?

Jinsei · 14/12/2013 17:23

You poor thing, it must have been very difficult losing your home just before the birth of your baby. Is there anywhere else you could go for Christmas? Could you visit your own parents?

AnyFuckersfrogslegs35 · 14/12/2013 17:26

Sorry you're struggling through this but try to hang onto the fact it's not forever.
I often have to share living space with my in laws and sympathise with you that 2 adult women in the same house is hard work - I get through it by letting MIL have run of the house/kitchen but will often cook myself for me and dp if we don't fancy what mil is making.

I wouldn't stand for 'we know better' regarding the children though, that's something I'd speak up about.

Do you not have family around that you could maybe go and spend a few days with?

Hope your house is sorted very soon.

Cleio · 14/12/2013 17:28

DH is staying with his brother due to proximity to work. There wouldn't be space there for all of us, he's having to sleep on an airbed as it is.

My family is abroad (well I'm the one that moved away really) and the little one doesn't have a passport yet so I can't travel. I most certainly would otherwise.

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 14/12/2013 17:30

I'd be looking into a short term let. Depending where you live there might be holiday lets who would be keen to have someone in, even if it's after Christmas at least you know there's an end in sight.

What's the hold-up with your new house? Is it still being built or is it useless-lazy-solicitor-syndrome?

DoJo · 14/12/2013 17:31

Could you stay in a hotel for a few days at least?

Cleio · 14/12/2013 17:35

We did actually look at short term lets but the housing market here is a disaster. Plus the fact that the vendors and solicitors keep making us believe that it would be sorted any day now; we were originally supposed to move in August. We're looking at a hotel for at least a night soon, though it's not an ideal solution with a toddler in tow.

I don't know. Right now everything just seems so miserable that I don't really know what to do anymore. For the last two months I've tried so hard to make the best of things but I just can't cope anymore.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 14/12/2013 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 14/12/2013 18:04

F the money stay at a hotel for a few days!

Steben · 14/12/2013 18:10

Massive sympathies OP- no words of wisdom but due to various circumstances had to live with my own parents for two months with two dds and it was hell! Hope time flies for you and remember there is light ahead!

gobbynorthernbird · 14/12/2013 18:13

Rather than a hotel can you get a deal using air b&b or similar, maybe closer to DPs job?

Delurkedforthis · 14/12/2013 18:15

If it's any consolation I imagine your ILs are as devastated as you are!

Chin up, it's not forever. And as others have said, could you not even consider a holiday let for a week or so. Hideously expensive but I guess you've been saving on housing costs recently!

Xmas Grin
frazmum · 14/12/2013 18:17

The end is near - but it sounds like you need a break soon. How about a holiday cottage? This would be much easier with a toddler.

Twoplusboys · 14/12/2013 18:26

I really feel for you. I lived with my mil with two babies under 11montgs for a whole year. It was horrendous. I'd never ever do it again. She stayed with us for a week recently and it just reminded me how awful it was. At least we were in the same town. I used to just leave the house as much as possible. I'd seriously look at short term let. It will be worth the money.

queryremelatonin · 14/12/2013 19:03

Do you know anyone who is away visiting their family over Christmas and could let you stay at theirs? It might look a bit pointed to your in laws if you all go over Christmas and then have to come back though. Could your husband not even commute back one night mid week? It sounds very lonely for you ATM.

FunkyBoldRibena · 15/12/2013 09:26

What about renting an apartment rather than a hotel?

For a fortnight or so.

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