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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of being relied on?

42 replies

MamaPingu · 14/12/2013 08:10

Everyone in my family drives, nobody in DPs family drives.

Therefore it was my parents responsibility to drive DP to and from the hospital when I was in for a c section.

MIL had come to see DS once when he was a day old because her friend drove her.
FIL only saw him at 2 weeks old because me and DP got a bus when I'd had a major operation only 2 weeks before and travelled a long way. God knows when he'd have seen him if not!!! Hmm

Literally every time they see him is when I drive him through. Every single time.
Not once have they got the bus to come see him!

MIL has severe depression and low confidence so I kind of excuse her but there's no reason her and FIL couldn't get the bus together.
My parents have driven me to see DP before we lived together several times when my car broke but FIL brought DP here once and charged him a tenner! (Back when he had a car)

AIBU to be sick of this? I don't feel like it's my responsibility for them to see their grandson if they're not trying.
They wouldn't even be seeing him over Christmas if it wasn't for me yet again and now my Christmas Day is going to be shit because I've got to take DS to see them Confused I wanted to relax and enjoy the day!

I wasn't even going to be able to because my insurance was meant to run out on the 18th but DP pushed for me to renew it Angry

OP posts:
samandi · 14/12/2013 09:22

Sorry posted before reply.

Are you very young, OP?

It's a bit naive to think you can just learn to drive and get a better job straightaway, especially in the current climate.

DeckSwabber · 14/12/2013 09:23

I wonder of FiL made your DP pay a tenner for the petrol to try to get him to man up.

I'd be bloody pissed off if one of my sons lived with me part time when he had a partner and a child a few miles away because he won't learn to drive.

FunkyBoldRibena · 14/12/2013 09:23

Just stop running around after everyone. You are an adult; just stop doing it and if they want to get themselves over, then they will do.

Original poster
MamaPingu · 14/12/2013 09:25

Sorry I must have worded it poorly! I didn't mean he'd immediately do those things, I just meant if he'd started learning to drive a year ago like he said he'd be driving by now and would have better job options as he'd be able to apply to more places!

OP posts:
Fairylea · 14/12/2013 09:25

This is all really odd.

When dh and I first lived together I used to drive him to work and back (an hour each journey) because I drove and he didn't and we wanted to live together. His mum lived 5 minutes from his work. He wanted to be with me, not her.

None of dh family drives either and they never bother coming to see us despite there being trains so now we don't bother either. If they are physically able to travel and cannot make the effort I am not wasting the petrol.

Dh is learning to drive but has failed twice. If he passes it would be nice but it really doesn't bother me. I enjoy driving.

I don't understand why, if not for financial reasons, why you don't take him to work and back for now and look for a job more locally?

When ds was little (till 6 months old)dh had a job he needed me to drive him to and we just did it, we're a family we do stuff like that.

Fairylea · 14/12/2013 09:26

Him look for a job I meant....

samandi · 14/12/2013 09:27

Ah, ok.

Being a family living together seems like a bit of a pipe dream unless either or both of you are willing and able to move.

Original poster
MamaPingu · 14/12/2013 09:31

Fairylea- it's not practical for me to pick him up from work late at night, DS goes to bed at 7:30 and will scream the house down if he goes any later because he's tired

He's had a long time to learn to drive, I told him as long as he was learning I'd be more than happy to drive him around, it wouldn't matter if he was learning but kept failing I'm not horrible!

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaPingu · 14/12/2013 09:32

And I've taken DS to see DP before work several times but he never gets any time with him, only MIL. It's ridiculous the state of things ATM Confused

OP posts:
ALittleBitOfChristmasMagic · 14/12/2013 09:34

Non-drivers who expect drivers to lift and lay them , or they can't do xyz give me THE RAGE !!! Angry

YANBU ! do not feel guilty your MIL is a grown woman capable of getting on a bus/train . And yes your do really needs to learn to drive . I know how you feel dh has only recently learned to drive he started learning when I was pg with dc2 and what a difference it has made !

Inertia · 14/12/2013 09:35

You haven't got to take do there on Christmas day - you can say no, you 'll drive over on boxing day.

Original poster
MamaPingu · 14/12/2013 09:37

Alittlebitofchristmas- I'm more than happy to meet them all half way. if mil and FIL made an effort even once a month I'd take DS the rest of the time.
If DP was learning to drive I'd drive him around more than I do ATM.
Glad you see where I'm coming from! I can't be the one doing everything and being everyone's personal taxi on top!

I don't feel non drivers understand at all Confused I know I didn't until I learnt!

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 14/12/2013 09:39

I think you need to stop enabling everyone else to not take responsibility for themselves, including your 'D'P - sorry if I'm wrong but were you the one who's MIL wanted her to move in when you had the baby and everyone advised you kept your own place?

Anyway, every time, and I mean every time your MIL puts on FB a comment about missing DS, put a comment underneath "aw, he loves his granny! Let me konw when you are going to get the bus over and I'll make sure we're in!" or "you know you are always welcome in my home. Feel free to pop in!" Nice and light and nothing anyone else can read and say "bitch".

BlackholesAndRevelations · 14/12/2013 09:39

Having read more of your posts now op, I don't think you'd be unreasonable AT ALL to say start learning to drive, or it's over! I really don't. He has got to man up and stop shirking his responsibilities as a grown adult. Why should you bring your ds up as a single parent while he stays with his parents?

Original poster
MamaPingu · 14/12/2013 09:41

No I don't think that was me! She did offer for me to live there a long time ago but I never wanted to!

And I think I will start by saying to DP "why don't we ask your mum and dad to come round next week?" For tea or something. Then I will say to her if she wants to come through!

OP posts:
Canthaveitall · 14/12/2013 09:43

Yanbu. I can't stand non drivers who expect drivers to run around after them. I have met a lot of them including dh's entire family who live in the arse end of nowhere and don't drive. The result is us always going to them and out Christmas day will be spebt ferrtubg them about.

Just book dh a lesson and tell him 10 minutes before. If he whinges tell him to man up. I did that and dh now drives. Just as well so now he can ferry his non driving sister about.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 14/12/2013 09:50

Why are you going there Christmas Day? Can't you go Christmas Eve or Boxing Day? It may be too late to change this year, but if you are still together next year refuse to drive on Christmas Day.

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