...To ask how to get an AHDH/AS child to go to bed at night

[HoneyStepMummy]

My lovely 8 year old stepson has AHDH, AS and possibly biopolar disorder. When he isn't having an ADHD meltdown is is happy, witty, and lively.
DH and I used to have visitation with him every other weekend (all weekend), one overnight midweek, a month during the Summer, a week during Christmas plus a bunch of extra days and nights here and there. So quite a lot. He came to live with us fulltime (hooray!) a month ago. Currently he isn't on medication but will be going back on to Ambilify in a few weeks since his meltdowns can be very aggressive.
When he was on Ambilify he took it at night and was ready to sleep 30 minutes after taking it. Now that he's with us fulltime we are getting a better understanding of what day-to-day challenges he has. Going to bed at night has become on of them.
Until I leave my job I have to be up at 5:45am every morning, as does my 17 year old stepdaughter. DS should be going to bed around 9pm. After his bath or shower he gets a second wind and gets very hyper and starts dashing around the house. After getting his pajamas on and us talking about going to bed he'll start requesting drinks and asks to stay up to watch TV for "10 more minutes". We eventually pack him off to bed, from which he'll start bouncing back from like a boomerang going "I can't sleep". He'll then want to lie in our bed with me to cuddle and watch TV. He will fall asleep this way but we can't do this every night.
His goal seems to be to sleep in our room, either in our bed with us or on our pull out sofa. Once in a while that's fine, but certainly not every night. I know if we kept him up until 11pm (which he would like) then he would be ready to go to sleep in his own bed. That simply isn't an option with everyone else having work and school in the morning.
I don't want to give him Melatonin as it gives me a hangover when I take it. The other night when he had a meltdown and said his hand hurt we gave him benadril (antihistamine) which caused him to sleep so deeply he wet the bed, which he never does.
Does anyone have any better ideas? What does everyone else do? I honestly believe it's the hyperactivity caused by the ADHD rather than a bad habit.

Are you a doctor? You seem to be making a lot of decisions regarding medication that sound worryingly inept.

I would ask to have your post moved to the special needs children section as there are some very knowledgable posters there. AIBU is really not a good topic to hold this discussion.

Hi OP I have no experience of a child with AS, however I seem to remember reading children with AS can be helped to sleep with melatonin.

Have you checked out the Special needs board?

I have two that take melatonin when necessary, they don't get a hangover with it. People with AS often react differently to medication than neurotypical people. Apart from that, you need to change the routine, this one isn't working. If he gets a second wind after his bath, then you need to make bathtime earlier. Make his bedroom friendlier too, ask him what he'd like and what would help him stay in there at bedtime, my oldest didn't sleep in the bed for years, but would eventually curl up in his nest of floor cushions and blankets in a corner. He called me from university in the week to inform me he'd emptied out his trunk and he and his guitar were inside it! My dd didn't go through the night until she was ten. However, the right books and activities kept her in place. Worth a try. Good luck, it does get easier!

You can order Melatonin here

He will have a low level of melatonin probably, so supplementing it will not give him a hangover.

I would get it prescribed though and not buy it.

Do you do bedtime stories? I know it's obvious but it is cliche for a reason. Or audio books? TV really won't help as I'm sure you know.

I am assuming the Benadryl was prescribed for sleeplessness. .my DD has it 3 times a week to take the edge off her insomnia.

A bedtime story probably won't help in this instance.

I think melatonin is needed here

what is he like at getting up?

My son has Aspergers. At 8 he would have: a bath, a story, soothing nighttime music CD. At 12 he had melatonin as well.

DawnDonna thank you for those tips, they gave me some ideas. I will have this thread moved to special needs.
Squeakytoy are YOU a doctor??? I'm not making any decisions regarding his medication and haven't claimed to be doing so. How does that make me "worryingly inept"? Melatonin is a supplement not a medication and I didn't want him to have the same side effects I did. What's wrong with that?

I live in the US and over here melatonin is an over the counter supplement. I think that getting a lower level is a good idea and will look into it. The Benadryl is also over the counter over here, and for some reason I felt bad giving it to him and felt even worse when he wet the bed .
The night time music CD sounds nice and worth giving a shot. I think that maybe getting a stricter routine and starting on bed time stories again would be a good idea. I'm also going to see what I can do to make him room more comfortable.
If he sleeps in later he can be OK at getting up, but quite often he's moody when he gets up which isn't a good start to his day. We have already started having dinner much earlier and I think bath will need to be earlier too...

i wouldn't give him sedatives because he has had a meltdown tbh. I'd give them if medically recommended for a sleep issue.

Have you tried giving him his bath/shower earlier in the evening - it seems to be giving him some sensory stimulation to make him rush around.

Also if he likes the feeling of being cuddled could a weighted blanket help?

Can he understand enough for you to explain the importance of sleep? I have to say that doesn't work for my ASD ds though!!

Crossed posts about the bath!

I suspected you were in the US, over here melatonin isn't over the counter, I think it has to be prescribed by a paediatrician not even a GP.

It sounds like he needs it though.

I agree with the tip about making his room comfortable.

A bath in the evening makes my son come alive again too.

My son has autism too and not very much sleep is something I have had to get used to.

Thank you to everyone who posted tips, there's some good ideas here. What's funny is that DH and DS' mother broke up when he was two, so for six years my DH has had visitation and the going to bed hasn't been much on an issue before. I think it might have been at mum's house but she didn't tell us about it. Both DH and his ex are medical professionals, but sometimes I think they don't notice small things about DS that I do.

I will def. move his shower or bath up to much earlier.My DH used to play light saber wars with him before bed until I put a stop to it. I don't know why on earth he thought that was a good idea...

Just to clarify I wouldn't give him sedatives because of meltdowns either. I really don't like giving kids anything that's not prescribed but thats how they do it in the US. I can't get used to that even after living here for 15 years.

The weighted blanket is a nice idea too. DS is visiting with his mom this weekend so I going to work with all these ideas to try to put a plan in place for him.