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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to share our birth photos

54 replies

caitlinsurrey · 13/12/2013 13:03

AIBU for not wanting to share our birth photos.

I am going into hospital on Tuesday 17th for my second c section. Last time MIL wanted ALL our photos that were taken during surgery, this time will be the same no doubt. I told DH last time I didn't want anyone to have them as they are private to me and I don't really want copies made by all his family being shared with every tom dick and harry they know- really when I'm not at my finest - on the bloody operating table for god sakes i feel like its a massive invasion of my privacy. But he gave them to her anyway because he didn't want to upset her.

Cant really say we didn't take any this time because thats blatantly a lie. AIBU for not wanting to share these intimate snaps with the world??

OP posts:

Sallyingforth · 13/12/2013 15:46

Yes OP! It's your body, not DH's or MIL's, so you get to choose when/if it's photographed.
The baby is his as well, so he's entitled to photograph it.

ProfondoRosso · 13/12/2013 15:49

What the hell?! It's your body! Whether or not there's a baby involved in a surgical process, you call the shots at what gets photographed.

Sorry to be crude, but you should ask MIL if she wants photos of your next smear test. Ridiculous.

squeakytoy · 13/12/2013 15:49

Ffs.. What happened to just a photo of the newborn in its mums arms... Who the hell would take photos of the actual birth..

monkeynuts123 · 13/12/2013 16:04

You're not being a bitch for standing up for yourself

Sizzlesthedog · 13/12/2013 16:35

Why would mil want to see surgery photos? How odd. If you had another operation the option to photograph the whole thing would be not allowed.

Put your foot down op, hard.

PTFO · 13/12/2013 17:35

oh my dear god, your dh gave his dm the photos knowing how you felt?! well when he goes for the snip get some photos and share them round your friends and family, facebook the works. see how he likes it. That's shocking.

pumpkinsweetie · 13/12/2013 17:59

Bloody hell yanbu, you shouldn't have handed them over though!

Jeez i can understand mothers wanting these private pictures, but for anyone else outside you & your dh to see them is bizarre. What do they think they will get out of seeing these?

I pretty much don't like photos of me in labour or in a c-section should i ever need one but with being due my very last baby i would like a few pictures of us straight afterwards and with baby on scales etc etc but i wouldn't allow others to see them as they are for my keepsakes, and mine only!

VerySmallSqueak · 13/12/2013 18:03

You need to stand up to your dh and make sure he stands up to his mum.

This is your decision and is totally non-negotiable.

LittleBairn · 13/12/2013 18:05

YANBU and if you can't trust him to respect you by showing the photos then must dont take any.

TalkativeJim · 13/12/2013 18:09

That is absolutely horrible.

I'd be so angry at that.

OP, how about a quick 'chat ' with him where you say you're really sorry but you were so upset about the photos last time, and it's dented your trust in him so much, that you're wondering whether it might be better if he doesn't come in for the section? That you can't take the risk of him putting his mother's wishes over yours again, you don't trust him not to sneak a camera in so maybe it's best he stays out?

It will horrify him, presumably - might get him to understand what a terrible thing that was to do to someone. And make him realise that it is NOT to happen again.

Oh and if he ever has a vasectomy, make sure you take as many vulnerable looking shots of him as possible, and post the worst on Facebook.

LindyHemming · 13/12/2013 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Finola1step · 13/12/2013 18:17

Another one here who thinks you are not being a bitch by standing up for yourself.

Good grief. I am on your behalf.

It's your body. Your DH can photo the baby as much as he likes but sharing the photos from your c section without your permission is completely unacceptable.

Blimey, is there no privacy even in labour and in a theatre having a c section?

Worriedkat · 13/12/2013 18:19

Oh dear, I'm in the minority. My husband took loads of pics of the gory bits of my planned sections, and I posted them on fb in an album. Including the placenta . Nothing showing me naked though.

If I'd have objected then it wouldn't have happened though.

Sixweekstowait · 13/12/2013 18:33

Throw the camera away or at least hide it

snowed · 13/12/2013 18:37

YANBU

Bogeyface · 13/12/2013 18:37

Tell him that yes he can share them, as long as you can do the same when he has his vasectomy (assuming he has one!)

deakymom · 13/12/2013 19:12

offer to take pictures of his vasectomy and pass them around? (if he is not planning on one arrange it?) seriously would chop my husbands off for this

JoinYourPlayfellows · 13/12/2013 19:34

Hang on, let me get this straight, your HUSBAND shared photos of you HAVING AN OPERATION with people AGAINST YOUR WISHES?

Fucking hell, I can't believe you're having another baby with a man who clearly has no respect for you as a human being.

That is fucking shocking what he did.

He doesn't see the problem with taking photos of you at your most vulnerable and making them public? Without your consent?

What a complete bastard.

ScaredToBeHonest · 13/12/2013 19:39

Why on earth would you want photographs taken during the CS. I looked horrific in the recovery room and for the rest of the day so can't imagine how bad I looked during the procedure!

During the procedure I was too busy wondering why the hell it felt like someone was using a food mixer on my insides!

ScaredToBeHonest · 13/12/2013 19:41

I should add that YADNBU - those recovery room photos and those taken when I was first on the ward haven't been shown to anyone. I would be so upset at DH if he'd even thought it was right to show those photos to people, never mind actually done it

Yellowcake · 13/12/2013 19:45

We have one wonderful photo of our son being lifted over the screen which I adore because I couldn't see that well lying down - and it's really the first moment of his life, before he was even in my arms - but no one else has ever seen it. I consider it completely private, although I'm not even in it.

somewhereinessex · 13/12/2013 19:49

My DH accidentally saw more than he wanted to with my first CS - for the second one he faced away from me, holding my hand and they made the screen as high as they could so there was no chance of an accidental viewing! I can't imagine anything more yukky than seeing someone's innards (or other bits!) if not directly involved in the process.

valiumredhead · 13/12/2013 20:01

Why can't you say there are no photos? Taking photos was the last thing on or minds when I had ds by section! Just show her the ones you want to.

MrsDeanAmbrose · 13/12/2013 20:15

If my DH had waved a camera anywhere near me during labour/eventual CS, I'd have probably ended up launching it somewhere (probably at his head), never mind then sharing pictures with others.

BerylStreep · 13/12/2013 20:27

Only if you can get to see pictures of your MIL's hysterectomy

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