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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Big families

256 replies

ActionA · 13/12/2013 11:57

Before I begin, I want to make it clear that I DON'T think only rich people should be allowed to have big families. In my ideal world, benefits would be more generous, there would be a massive SH building programme, rents would be capped etc. etc. I think the austerity rhetoric is bollocks and believe this ideal world is actually possible.

However. We sadly don't live in this ideal world at the moment and I'm surprised at the amount of threads by people complaining that they can't afford to get by and yet are still planning on having a 3rd, 4th, 5th DC. Again, I understand that sometimes the unforseen happens and a family that was previously doing well hits hard times. But that isn't the case in a lot of scenarios: the family has been struggling for a long time and continues to do so. I'm wondering what makes those families carry on having DCs. They know there isn't much help out there, and know that they are going to have trouble supporting those DCs. So why do it?

I'll repeat again before the people who don't like reading what's actually been said chip in: in my opinion there should be MORE help that makes it possible for the less well off to have big families if they choose. But that help just ISN'T there, so why insist on having a big family when you can't support them? Seems a rather selfish way of making the point that everybody should be able to have a big family...

OP posts:
YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 15/12/2013 10:09

as I said most large families will just cost more not all.

also most large families will be less financial robust and more likely to rely on top up benefits. They are more likely to have one person not working due to the cost of childcare (making finances even more vulnerable). this person is then likely to find it hard getting back into work and need state support.

and simply the cost of raising a large family lowers the likelihood of the parents being able to save properly and fund their own retirement.

again leaving someone else to pick up the tab for their choices.

Crowler · 15/12/2013 10:12

Fair enough. Like I said before, taxes don't figure into my view on this. I've noticed a trend among middle and upper middle class families towards big families (unscientific). My view is that it's an environmental nightmare in any case.

perlona · 15/12/2013 18:52

It's selfish to have more children than you can provide for. It's one thing to have one child if you don't have much money, all the resources you have will go into them and they will benefit from getting all of the parental attention, if there's extended family, they'll benefit from that too.

It's ridiculous when people breed their children into poverty and incredibly selfish.

Why not have one or two and invest all your money, time and energy into raising them to be successful, happy adults who'll actually be in a position to help you in old age due to healthy finances rather that squirting out a dozen kids who'll be neglected in every way, find it impossible to compete in a global economy and will always need to rely on you or the government for survival?

Few people can put 6, 8 or more children through university, there's not a chance in hell of any child born today getting a good job without an excellent degree (at a minimum) and they will need fluency in a couple of languages as they'll be competing in a very highly educated, international jobs market.

Procrastreation · 15/12/2013 20:42

Err - my kids each speak, read & write two languages (plus the eldest has a bit of French from school). They come within the top 10% of their respective classes for maths & English. They also play piano & the eldest swims competitively.

You're confusing correlation & causation.

There has been a trend for having kids to be seen as a life dead end. People who are educated and ambitious tend to postpone having kids to their mid/late thirties. Obviously this means that there will be a certain social selection in who has even allowed themselves enough time to have a big family. It doesn't mean that a big family is in itself incompatible with raising educated & nurtured individuals.

comemulledwinewithmoi · 16/12/2013 08:49

Lots of crap mis conceptions on here. I have 4, we both work, dh is a higher rate tax payer. Dd goes to one of thr best geammar schools in the uk. We recieve NO benefits.

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