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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think antivity plays are too much for out kids

19 replies

ParenthoodJourney · 12/12/2013 20:26

Ok I've never thought this until now. And I don't mean our kids of all ages I just mean reception children. I have been looking forward to DSs nativity. He's struggled with settling and confidence in school and this was a massive thing for him and for us to see how much his confidence has grown in a matter of months. He was really excited and singing all the songs at home he had learnt. I was so excited! But as me and DP sat there are started to feel a bit... Uncomfortable ish ? The kids were coming out very nervous and quietly and we were all staring at them waiting for it to start. Five minutes in there were kings and angels trembling then starting to cry. I was watching my DS and he was putting his fingers in his mouth and chewing his costume he didn't joint in the singing and he was forgetting when to sit and stand and getting embarrassed. It was painful to see him like that. Bless him.

Obviously, some other children were loving it and were fabulous. It was cute. But there were so many children that looked under pressure and too many reduced to tears of it all. I felt like we were forcing very young children to perform a play for the entertainment of the parents rather than a bit of fun for them.

My DS even said mummy when you and daddy come and see me don't wave as I'm not allowed to wave during the play! And he didn't ! I mean really!? Isn't this a bit too much, even unneccessary to put this much pressure on four year olds ? AIBU?

OP posts:

CrohnicallySick · 12/12/2013 20:44

We do an infant nativity every year and reception are a part of that (so years R, 1 and 2 all together). I've never seen many children acting nervous and quiet or crying. We might have 1 or at a push 2 (out of up to 50), in which case we pull them out and they sit on an adult's knee for a bit. As for forgetting when to sit and stand, we tell them or have one of the older children lead. We also tell the children to wave to mummies and daddies while they come in/wait for the play to start. It gets it out of their system, though we'd never tell a child off for waving during the play, just catch their eye and remind them to put their hands on their knees/fold arms.

So YANBU to think that nativities at your school are too much- but that experience isn't repeated across the country. Maybe your teachers are too strict? Is yours just for Reception children? In which case maybe there is safety in numbers and having the older children there helps the younger ones?

CloverkissSparklecheeks · 12/12/2013 20:45

I think you are being a bit unreasonable but I wouldn't want to see my Dcs upset or embarrassed like that either. I have watched my DCs in nativity plays for 5 years now and none have been as you described. Some children are more nervous than others (DS2 was at age 2/3) but they all look like they enjoyed it. The schools they have been at have always practiced from September so the children knew them well and I think that takes the pressure off as they are less nervous.

I am not sure re the waving thing, I think most schools tell the children not to but lots of DCs do and no one seems to worry. I think it would not be good if they were under 'strict instructions' not to as they are so little.

MuffCakes · 12/12/2013 20:48

I have ben gong to nativities for a few years now and thats never happened to my dc's plays. (2 schools) They are all excited happy smiling waving and mostly singing if they remember the words.

hels71 · 12/12/2013 20:51

I have done school nativities for over 16 years and can count on the fingers of one hand the number of children who have cried in performances......
With regards to waving....we say you can wave before the play starts and when it ends, but try not to while it is actually happening....

ProfessorSong · 12/12/2013 20:54

I really think it depends on the child. When dd1 was in her nativity in reception she was totally distracted and had to be stopped from trying to run off the stage several times. But dd2 on the other hand relished in it, and loved being up there singing in front of everyone.

PrincessScrumpy · 12/12/2013 20:55

Never seen this kind of thing - dd's reception nativity was fab last year even with one girl being sick (she was ill rather than nerves and the staff and kids were brilliant dealing with it it hardly noticed). Maybe they didn't rehearse enough but I know many nursery schools do them and dtds are 2 and will be in the church nativity (tbh I'm not entirely sure how that will work out but their older sister will be on the stage and they know the older kids so fingers crossed - so long as they don't steal Jesus we'll be okay!) :S

Dd's nativity was today (yr1) and all I said before was "remember to smile" and she did. Why should those who enjoy nativity not do it because a few others don't like it? YABU

TheRobberBride · 12/12/2013 20:55

I went to my DDs nativity today and it was great. Lots of excited waving at Mum from various kids but no trembling/tears. They all seemed to be enjoying it.

Yours does sound quite distressing and YANBU for being upset but I don't think that's the norm.

ForalltheSaints · 12/12/2013 20:56

Be glad your school still has a nativity play and has not replaced it with another play so as not to offend someone (the someone probably who does not exist).

PrincessScrumpy · 12/12/2013 20:56

oh dd saw dh and I and had a big grin on her face and did wave - it made me smile to see how happy she was to see dh and I as she can be very serious. :)

OpalTourmaline · 12/12/2013 20:59

Yanbu. I remember being given strict instructions not to wave in the 70s but I thought things had changed. Our children were certainly allowed to wave. Maybe your kids' teachers are a bit strict?

Pancakeflipper · 12/12/2013 20:59

I think it's too much for some parents to handle.
Such angst on here about it.

youmakemydreams · 12/12/2013 20:59

I've been going to a nativity at school for 7 years now and have never seen one quite as bad as you describe.
I actually love them there are always one two at a push with the rabbit in a headlights look my ds1 included but I've never seen actual tears. The children enjoy the preperation and love asking me afterwards what my favourite bit was.
Ds1 is the most shy child I've ever met. When he started visits to pre school he used to hide under a table. They have done sooooo much for his confidence and when I watched him yesterday he was actually enjoying himself. The nativity has helped him over come so many of his nerves about things while feeling safe surrounded by his school friends and being able to blend in a bit when it's got too much.

WooWooOwl · 12/12/2013 20:59

I've never experienced a nativity like this either. Occasionally a child will become overwhelmed with it on the day, although it's not necessarily a reception child but they all enjoy the rehearsals and the songs and being part of the whole thing.

HedgehogsRevenge · 12/12/2013 21:00

I had a similar experience this week. Two of ds's classmates were sobbing, it was a bit uncomfortable to watch at times. For most of them it's their first time in front of an audience, some people are extrovert, others hate the limelight, it's the same for children.

MissBetseyTrotwood · 12/12/2013 21:03

I think it's normal for children to be overwhelmed by their first school play; it's quite a charged event and comes at the end of a very long, hard term.

One of mine hates performing too so I know where you're coming from. They gave a narrating role to my friend's DD last year and she's very, very shy. She burst into tears when it came to her turn. Poor little thing.

I think, overall, it's a lovely thing to do though.

Original poster

ParenthoodJourney · 12/12/2013 21:11

I'm not saying I don't think children should do nativitys or they shouldn't exist i think the idea is lovely and I was looking forward to it and some children really enjoy it. However maybe not to it when they have just started school - the pressure of that can be big enough let alone then performing to 100 parents.

I didn't expect to feel uncomfortable so maybe I am just a bit shocked. I felt like running over and saying stop!! When some were crying. Bless them, it really tugged my heart strings.

Maybe his teachers are a bit strict then if this isn't the norm? I would have much rather'd they were all waving and laughing etc then trying to be perfect - they are only 4 and 5 afterall!

OP posts:

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 12/12/2013 21:18

DS hates doing plays, infact he was crying so much a few months ago I got him off the stage. He has just done another play and was fine as he was with the teacher and nobody could see him.

Dd loves the attention ( she is in reception)

Original poster

ParenthoodJourney · 12/12/2013 21:21

Awh bless your DS! That's what I mean its a difficult one isn't it because some children hate it so much it seems cruel to make them do it and some children love it so much it seems cruel not to let them! Maybe they should have an opt in, or a drama group or something!

OP posts:

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 12/12/2013 21:30

I am glad they do encourage him, I hope that it will help him gain some social skill ( he has autism)

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