To wonder why the exact £'s matters?

[Ilikeoranges]

I have DT's. Asked by family member what they would like for Christmas. One would love something that costs £10, the other would love something that costs £16 so I let them know those things.

The family member 'allocates' £25 per person. It's not a problem that I have mentioned things under £25 but I've been told it's not fair on the one that would like the £10 toy because they should have things that cost the same.

I can't see the issue here. They would each really enjoy the things so what does the £'s matter, surely it's about the actual toy and the enjoyment rather than the cost.

I should add that they are 3yo so have no concept of what things cost.

Oh this makes me crazy. My husband does this with his parents.

"Well, mum's cost £20 so dad's needs to as well."

Why? What if what your dad really wants costs £15?!?!

i make everyone the same in £s - stops any arguing about favourites or he got more than me etc. although kids dont know what things cost adults do and no doubt someone will be thinking you spent x on one and y on the other - why arent they made the same?

I like things to be of the same value, it just makes it fairer. I don't mind £2 or 3 difference but £5 seems quite a lot.

My Mum does this. TBF she just bumps it up with chocolates so I don't complain.

We buy for close friends DC and I've never even thought about the exact costs tbh. I just get what I think each child would like, to me that is far more important.

The toys in question are different as they like different things. One likes vehicles and the other likes animals.

A toy is a toy if that's what they want surely? As you say at 3yo they have no concept of the fact that Bill's toy is more expensive than Ben's. Must be a very expensive flipping faffey business buying Christmas presents in their house if they have an exact amount to spend for each person!

My MIL keeps lists of everything over the year (in fact over many years).

This year my 10yo DD wants a shopping trip with her granny. Granny won't take her on a shopping trip purely because 5yo DS doesn't also want a shopping trip. FFS DD adores pottering around Primark for hours, DS would rather chew off his own hands. So by being "fair" she will end up disappointing them both one way or another.

Fair enough keep it approximately the same, or top up the smaller pressie with some sweeties or something, but I really don't understand the need to make a big production of it and involve other people in the dilemma. For me it squeezes a little of the pleasure out of giving and receiving gifts.

That's the thing. The £10 gift isn't smaller or less good. It's just a lower price.

YANBU, we haven't spent the same on any of our lot (2 DCs, 3 DSCs) they get stuff they'll love, that's what matters.

And sometimes you can get a brilliant bargain where something is worth loads more - eg we got a superdry dress for DSD on their official eBay outlet, she will hit the ceiling as she would never expect it - she won't know or care that it was half price!

Surely your twins would be much more interested in the number of gifts received or the size of the boxes?

It's particularly daft doing this with children as the one with one £20 toy inevitably feels hard done by when the sibling gets two £10 toys .

I agree that you should just buy them what they'd like. One thing each. My niece's present this year is costing me £5 because it was such a huge bargain and it's tempting to get her something else as well because I've spent around £20 on her brothers' presents, but it would just mean she'd get twice as much and that would look far more obviously "unfair" on Christmas morning.

I have just brought each of my niece's and nephews one toy each. OK, they didn't all cost exactly the same, but they are babies/toddlers and as sleepyhead said, they tend to go by number of gifts (or amount of wrapping paper for the really little ones!). I did aim for around £10 each, but think they varied in actual cost between £5-£13. Yet some of the cheaper ones were in the sale and worth more then the more expensive ones! So adults wouldn't even be able to tell how much I had spent, and 1 gift each seems so much more fair.

I don't even keep the the exact £ for my DC, i buy what they will like and will not waste money making it up.

Society is obsessed by money, and the value of things. People seem to have lost the idea that a monetary value doesn't always mean anything.

MIL used it insist her boys (aged 31 and 29) had exactly the same number of presents to open, or it wasnt fair

Yanbu at all! I never think about the cost of presents, just whether the recipient will like it or not! I have 3 little dc and I just make sure they have the same number of gifts to open - I haven't kept track of how much I've spent on each, just a general idea of what I'm spending overall.

I agree Seff

Same number of presents yes, it's just the cost thing that baffles me. I don't get it at all and it seems a bizarre way to choose gifts.

i agree!

I found a present for my OH this year which was signficantly reduced in price from its "value" and i keep feeling i should get him something else as well... even though if i had bought it full price i wouldnt have felt guilty about not getting anything else as well!

the value of a present is in its value to the receiver, not the cost to the giver

Fair doesn't necessarily mean equal. Why would it? We're all different.

YANBU especially at 3. I have 2 young (sibling) cousins, 1 only cares that he has at least as many boxes as his sister, she couldn't care less as long as the contents are pink and sparkly, neither have any concept of price. A £1 sticker book is counted just the same as a £30 toy.