To stay in bed for the rest of the day so I don't have to see anyone (long, sorry)

[PeopleAreAfraidToMerge]

Yesterday was hellish.

I got a long-awaited call from the Probation Service yesterday to tell me that (two months after receiving the application) the Parole Board have rejected my request to have extra licence conditions, in the form of a larger exclusion zone around my house, put on the man who sexually and emotionally abused me for a year when I was 14.

I have had to move back in with my parents, due to DP going abroad for work for a few months (we were unhappy in our rented room anyway). I asked for these conditions so I could go to the town if I wanted any shopping, or to go to the gym, and so I can get the train to London for work/job interviews without being scared that I would bump into him. I moved away from this town 6 years ago to get away from my memories, and now I am forced to come back.

I have good reason to be afraid of him. This man went to prison for 4 years for what he did to me, and is still in furious denial that he has done anything wrong.

Their reason for not accepting my request is 'this request should go through his solicitor to see if it is reasonable'. Which means he will get a say in his own licence conditions.

How fucked up is this?!

I'm off work with stress, due to being really badly treated by the political extremists who run my workplace. They seem to think that I can do 2 jobs at once, and that I should be grateful for what I get (which in London, amounts to peanuts). They have spent the last year chipping away at me, and I couldn't take it any more. Now they are asking why my doctor has signed off with stress. If I say it's because of the way they have treated me, they will just terminate my contract.

I have been going to recruitment agencies to register and applying for 20-30 jobs a day since I went off sick 6 weeks ago. Nothing. I've sought advice on my CV, interview technique etc and apparently I am an outstanding candidate, but it isn't a good time of year.

If I lose my job, I won't be able to make payments on the loan I took out 3 years ago for my MA. Fat lot of good that has done me. I could ask family for the money, but I desperately don't want to.

My life is a mess and I don't know how to fix it. No-one understands how upset I am about the licence conditions. When I spoke to DP about it on Skype last night he was sympathetic but didn't really know why I was so upset. My Mum understands, but if I talk about it too much my Dad gets angry as he 'doesn't like her getting upset'.

I don't want to see anyone or do anything. All I want to do is move away from this town where I don't feel safe, go to work and do my best to build a career and for my DP to come home. I just feel like such a failure

I have no idea about the probation issue, but please seperate that from work. You may find both issues easier to deal with than it all seeming too much.

If you feel you are being treated badly at work, raise a grievance. If you have a union, speak to them and if not visit the acas website. When you rasie your grievance, try and take emotion out of it and stick to facts. Do you have a job description? Are you being asked to take on work that was someone else's? It may help to look at your tasks and allocate time to each so you can show that what is expected is unreasonable.

You won't be able to go to a tribunal if you have not rasied a grievance and exhausted procedures (unless they dismiss you unfairly).

This is a bad time of year to be looking for a job - lots of recruitment consultants taking clients out for lunch, people not moving jobs for Christmas bonus etc.

Gosh - I can't imagine what you are going through.

I am really surprised that people cannot imagine why you care about the conditions though. It is pretty damn obvious.

I don't really have any adice except to try and focus on the things you can control. Don't be afraid to ask your family for support though....they can always refuse.

Their reason for not accepting my request is 'this request should go through his solicitor to see if it is reasonable'.

So send it through his solicitor. Might seem ridiculous and pointless, but if that's how the system works, don't let it defeat you!

And don't be afraid to ask your family for help. It's not failure - you're having a particularly rough time of it, and if they can help you ride it out then I'm sure they'd be happy to and you certainly shouldn't feel embarrassed to make use of them. Supportive family are what gets us through the bumpy bits!

I get what you are saying about going through his solicitor, but this man lives 3 miles away. He knows where my house is, as he used to drop me off here. He has sent his parents round in the past with a note telling me that I should admit I made it all up and that I am a terrible person etc.

My Dad is barely speaking to me. My Mum says its because he is upset, but taking it out on me really isn't helping anyone