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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my mother engineered this.

36 replies

LEMisafucker · 11/12/2013 23:15

There is lots of background. Dont want to drip feed but I have lots of threads about this. Those who have read this will probably flame me.

my mum has a serious back problem. Among other things. Wont accept medical help. Refuses appts etc. And on it goes....

yesterday nice as pie despite refusing doc appt I made her. Then my dd rang her said she was visiting today. I had said id either walk to pet shop eith her or go fetch her dog food for her. Today I rang to see what dhe wanted to do she gave me loads of shit on phone said she easnt well put phone down. When I turned up to walk dog she said dont bother .

ffw to this eve. Dd went there. I called dd on phone no answer so walked round. Mother wouldn't talk to me. Dd barely acknowledged me. I just got up and left. Asked dd to stop in and see dd2 (big age gap). I felt devastated. Not long after dd turns up. Floods of tears. Apologies. Mother moaning about me. Her sister. The doctor. Everything. She came bsck a little later and we had a lovely evening ( I beat her at chess)

I cant help but think my mother was dhitty to me today becsuse she knew dd was visiting. I really felt she was trying to turn her against me. So hurt. .

OP posts:
LEMisafucker · 11/12/2013 23:16

Sorry podting on phone,in the bath

OP posts:
Famzilla · 11/12/2013 23:19

If you're who I think you are, please please stop this and seek counselling.

Your Mother is a toxic woman and you are never going to make her happy. She won't change, so change the way you deal with her .

LEMisafucker · 11/12/2013 23:34

Famzilla - i have recently fiished councelling, my counsellor left :( to be fair i was doing ok.

I know you are right - my DP is telling me just to leave her to it and to be honest with you, i want to. But i know i wont - i feel so trapped by it all. I have to say this is the shittiest thing i feel she has done - My DD was distraught because she insisted on taking her up to my dads old room and showing all the "damage" her sister had suposedly done. My DD has never really got over the loss of her GF so this would have been really hard for her. She told me she was only shitty with me because she didn't want my mother to think she was siding against her. She knows what she is like, but hasn't been exposed to it for a while.

I am dreading christmas because i can see things escalating and i don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Hissy · 11/12/2013 23:56

Your mother will steal you dd from you, you know that don't you?

She's training her the way she trained you.

Get the fuck out of her life, and get your dc away from her too.

No need to confront, just back away slowly.

Make small excuses, get DP to field calls etc, but disengage starting now.

LEMisafucker · 12/12/2013 00:19

I don't think she will Hissy - she tried before, but DD lives away with her DP now (well half an hour on a train - far enough :) ) but yes, she would if she could. In fact she pretty much had her at her beck and call when she was living locally. I am seething still, but just feel exhausted by it all - I think that she has a lot to answer for. The trouble is, it really is just me - the rest of the family just don't want to know, who can blame them.

OP posts:
Morloth · 12/12/2013 00:39

You don't have to know either.

If you keep engaging you keep feeding the problem.

If you really can't bring yourself to go no contact then you have to remove all her power over you.

You nod and smile and dismiss everything she says, don't take anything seriously to heart.

Personally I would dump her, she will never be the person you want her to be.

RedorBlack · 12/12/2013 06:49

Oh lem, I've been following your threads for a while, please please walk away from her. It strikes me you get little from this relationship except conflict & stress. Hmm

It must be incredibly difficult for you, but you need to do this not just for your own sake but to role model for your daughters & let them see this is not acceptable. It sounds like she is trying to cause conflict between you & dd1 AND between dd1 & dd2. Don't let that happen.

If you were being made to feel like this by your partner you would have a whole chorus of LTBs by now. Your mother is a grown woman, she makes her own choices. I truly believe you cannot change someone else's behaviour, only the way you respond to it. It's time to put your family first, your dds, your DP and crucially, you.

daisychain01 · 12/12/2013 07:36

Presumably you got some advice / coping strategies from your counselling sessions? Can you keep trying to use the advice you have been given there?

Especially during Christmas...which is stressful at the best of times!

YouTheCat · 12/12/2013 07:41

Lem, one final chat with the old bag - to tell her no more of this nonsense and then no contact.

No walking her dog. If she wants a doctor appointment she can do it herself. No more apologising to chemists for her behaviour.

Walk away. Any problems she encounters is of her own making. She has damaged your mental health quite enough.

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 12/12/2013 07:49

I am reminded of the quote - insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

your mother is not going to change.

You can either carry on like this and accept this, or you can change. You are only trapped by yourself and the choices you are making.

what would it take for you to stop putting your toxic mother at the centre of your universe? Your partner leaving you? Your kids resenting you so much that your own relationship with them is damaged?

what consequence is too far for you? Where is your line?

She's fucked you up so badly that you cant see clearly on this issue but one day you will look back and see how miserable this made you and those who love you , for years and years and years and you will hate your mum for it but, if your posts are anything to go by, you'll hate yourself too.
your mum has already sucked so much from your life. How much more are you going to let her take?
please get some more counselling. Keep at it until you feel ready to make the changes you must surely know need to be made.

LEMisafucker · 12/12/2013 10:05

I am just all over the place this morning - i don't know what to do - she rang my phone but i made DP answer it and say i wasn't back from school run So now i know she is expecting me to call back. She sounded nice as pie, i almost wish she would phone and be shit. I was going to not go there today but i am just gong to make things worse.

I actually feel sick and am losing my grip on reality - i keep seeing my dad out of the corner of my eye and its freaking me out. Part of me just wants her to fuck off and leave me the fuck alone and the other (the part that will win) just wants to keep the peace and carry on as normal. If i bring things to a head now i am going to ruin christmas and the ones who suffer will be my DDs.

DD1 said for me to go visit her today but i honestly don't feel well enough.

I know you guys must be getting frustrated with me, i'm like one of those women who wont leave an abusive partner, but i don't have the strength to deal with the fallout.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 12/12/2013 10:09

" the rest of the family just don't want to know, who can blame them."
LEM, please, please, please - join the rest of your family. You say 'who can blame them', can you not see that that also applies to you? I know your mother has groomed you since birth to feel guilty if you don't skivvy for her and be her slave - but can you not stand back and see that it NEEDS to happen?

She is a toxic person, and the best you can do is protect yourself and your family from her by removing her from your life.

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/12/2013 10:15

"I know you guys must be getting frustrated with me,"
No LEM, we are frustrated for you Sad. We appreciate your difficulty - difficulty of her making; and just hope that it helps you to hear from people uninvolved with your mother, people who can stand back and see the big picture. Her lifelong grooming of you has left you unable to trust/hear your instincts. We are here for you, to be your sounding board and to remind you that she is the abnormal one, not you.

mrselgar · 12/12/2013 10:39

My mother was like this. I knew that I should walk away but could never find the courage. Then one day I was diagnosed with cancer. My mother was terrible. Wasn't interested in me, it was all about her. Trust me, being diagnosed with cancer, not knowing how long you have left, puts everything into perspective. It came to a head at Xmas when she didn't contact me at all, just went away on holiday. She knew that I was extremely ill with the chemo, but couldn't care less. I was so upset, then just had this moment of clarity when I realised that I didn't have to put up with this shit. If I was only going to have a short time left, I most certainly didn't want her to be part of it. When she did eventually phone ( ten minutes about her holiday before she thought to ask about me) I calmly told her that I had had enough and didn't want to see her anymore. It was easy. The best thing I ever did. Just do it. You are an adult, you have a right to chose a happy life. Go for it.

magimedi · 12/12/2013 10:48

Firstly, I am not in the slightest frustrated with you, LEM. I'm pleased you've got us to be sounding boards for you. In the nicest possible way, never forget that we can switch you off!! Grin

I'm like one of those women who wont leave an abusive partner, but i don't have the strength to deal with the fallout.

You said it, lovely. And if you read the threads where the women did leave you know what the result is - joy & freedom.

Please, please try to go no contact with her - she is really damaging you.

A big hug for you.

magimedi · 12/12/2013 10:50

PS I have pm'd you.

LEMisafucker · 12/12/2013 10:53

mrselgar - i am so sorry that you were poorly, that must have been so scary for you, i hope you are better now. Flowers

I am pretty much paralysed. I have stuff to do but keep thinking i should ring her - i just want this to stop but it wont, not ever - i am so confused. My DP said all of the things you guys have said to me last night, ha! it almost sounded like one of you lot talking - but i can't go no contact, i can't - i want to, i had decided that i wasn't going to go there today and i felt good, relieved but then she rang and i think now I am the one playing games and being nasty. I am really struggling - this is me though, i should be able to deal with it objectively, do what needs done - this is me, perhaps i am selfish - i am a lot like my mother

OP posts:
mrselgar · 12/12/2013 10:56

My mother was like this. I knew that I should walk away but could never find the courage. Then one day I was diagnosed with cancer. My mother was terrible. Wasn't interested in me, it was all about her. Trust me, being diagnosed with cancer, not knowing how long you have left, puts everything into perspective. It came to a head at Xmas when she didn't contact me at all, just went away on holiday. She knew that I was extremely ill with the chemo, but couldn't care less. I was so upset, then just had this moment of clarity when I realised that I didn't have to put up with this shit. If I was only going to have a short time left, I most certainly didn't want her to be part of it. When she did eventually phone ( ten minutes about her holiday before she thought to ask about me) I calmly told her that I had had enough and didn't want to see her anymore. It was easy. The best thing I ever did. Just do it. You are an adult, you have a right to chose a happy life. Go for it.

magimedi · 12/12/2013 10:56

You are not selfish!

You are not playing games.

She is the one totally at fault & fucking you around.

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/12/2013 11:04

"perhaps i am selfish" - oh, you are so far from selfish.
"i am a lot like my mother" - it's possible you look like her, but you are nothing like her!

mrselgar · 12/12/2013 11:06

Oops.

You are not like your mother. It was, and still is, my worst fear. Your mum has worked on making you feel guilty your whole life. I was very worried that people would judge me and think that I was being selfish and a bad daughter. No one said this. The only thing people said was that I should have done it years ago.
My strongest advice is to say that you cannot deal with her at the moment, you need a complete break and you will contact her when and if you feel ready. She will go bonkers and try to tell you off ( mine did), ignore it and just put the phone down. Rehearse what you are going to say. Ignore all her letters, calls etc. change your number if you have to. Just remember that all those who love you are on your side.
Just as a side issue, my mum used to tell me off and make me feel as if I was the worst daughter in the world. No one else dared treat her like this etc. She died recently and I found out that she had divided and ruled. She had managed to play us all off against each other, she had lied about seeing other relatives etc. in fact everyone had cut her off years ago. I was so shocked. All that guilt I felt at being the bad daughter had been completely wasted time and energy.

VenusDeWillendorf · 12/12/2013 11:10

Choose life!

kasbah72 · 12/12/2013 11:21

Please try and find a different counsellor, perhaps someone who uses CBT techniques or maybe take the Freedom course? You can't do this on your own and you really need to learn some techniques to free your mind and thought processes and retrain your emotional brain.

This relationship with your Mum is so toxic, so awful and so destructive but it defines your life, doesn't it?

If you cut her off then what will you do? How will you feel? Who will you be?

This crippling guilt at the thought of being happy says that the familiarity in being UNhappy is almost too much to give up. It is sadistically comforting because you know the patterns, you expect the behaviour, you get that awful cycle every time but at least you know where you stand.

The rest of the family has given up on her so I bet there is the child in you screaming for recognition that you are better than them, a better daughter, a better person because you won't give up on her.

That isn't strength, that is addiction. I am so sorry but you are enabling her behaviour and you are failing to protect your own family and life if you are allowing her to still dominate every waking moment, every decision you make and every interaction you have.

Does that make sense?

The sad thing is that it isn't your Mum who will steal your daughter, it will be your inability to protect yourself and therefore protect your daughter from this hideousness that will lead to losing your children.

Is this the kind of relationship they should think of as normal? Is this the way you want them to expect to deal with horrible, evil behaviour? Do you want them to learn to stand up to bullies or to take whatever they are given?

Being selfish is not about choosing to cut her out. Being selfish is not refusing to call her back. Being selfish is not about saying no to the shopping, the dogs, the appointments.

She will accuse you of everything. She will try every tactic you know and some you don't. Does that mean she cares about you at all? Does that mean she needs you? Does that mean she loves you? Does that mean she thinks you are special??

Be honest with yourself. Really honest. Is any of it about you?? No. This is all about her, about her power, about her control and about her feeding off you because she can. Because you let her. Because she has brought you up to be that person, that battery fuel that life source for her evil nature.

Putting your mental, emotional, physical health first and enjoying a healthy relationship with your husband and children is not selfish. It is essential for all of those things to survive. For you to survive.

Please get some help. Please take whatever validation you need to make this enormous but lifesaving decision.

She is NOT your responsibility, whatever you might think.

Good luck

mrselgar · 12/12/2013 11:25

This ^^

mrselgar · 12/12/2013 11:26

Oops, again!

Meant to say that I agree with every word this last poster said.