Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS's birthday cake

23 replies

Workberk · 11/12/2013 16:55

DS is 1 next week. We are spending his birthday with PILs.

My baking skills are seriously lacking but really wanted to make and decorate his 1st birthday cake.

I designed the decoration and even started doing trial runs of recipes to avoid making something completely inedible...

Anyway last night PIL were visiting and announced SIL - who is very talented at baking - would be making DS' cake.

It's the first that DH or I have heard of it. I tried to explain that I was planning on making one but didn't know how to say it without sounding like an ungrateful child, especially as anything SIL makes would be vastly better than my own efforts.

It's a kind gesture but I feel gutted, and slightly miffed that I haven't even been consulted. There's no point us both making cakes.

AIBU and an ungrateful twunt?

OP posts:
peanutbutterandbanana · 11/12/2013 17:37

YANBU. Personally I would find that very annoying, esp as it is DS's 1st birthday so it's kind of a 'rights of passage' for you.

Can you tell DP how you feel and that baking DS's first bday cake is something that you really want to do and could he please have a quiet word with his DM and DD and perhaps even his DSis? Unless this would make Christmas unpleasant ......

Or perhaps organise a bday party for DS the following week, invite a few other mums with littlies over and bake a 1st bday party cake for him, if you feel you have to keep the peace. Take lots of photos of him with his lovely cake and send them to family so that they can 'share' in his party even though they aren't there so that they can admire the cake YOU baked?

But v. annoying for you. Grrrrr!

peanutbutterandbanana · 11/12/2013 17:38

I meant DF (not DD)

CoffeeChocolateWine · 11/12/2013 17:44

YANBU. If you feel comfortable having the conversation yourself with your MIL or SIL, just say you reall appreciate the gesture but it would mean a lot to you if you were make your DS's first birthday cake. I think any reasonable person would totally understand that and wouldn't take it personally. Or like pp said, get your DH to have a word. If there's no point you both making a cake then it absolutely should be you who makes it, regardless of whether your SIL is the more talented baker...that's not the point at all.

Original poster
Workberk · 11/12/2013 17:48

Thanks, the separate party is a great idea but unfortunately we'll be going away for a while over Christmas so we'll struggle to do something for several weeks.

DP knows what I was planning but didn't say anything and has suggested I make a little cake like a cupcake or something just for DS to eat instead.

maybe I should just punch the cake. Heh

OP posts:
CoffeeChocolateWine · 11/12/2013 18:05

If I were you I really wouldn't just accept it and make a cupcake. It's the sort of thing that would really mean a lot to me and I would put my foot down and say "thank you for the gesture but no thank you. I am doing it". I'm not confrontational in the slightest, but if I feel strongly enough about something then I can be.

Why should the aunt get to make it when the mother really wants to do it?! You make the birthday cake and maybe suggest your SIL could make something else if people love her baking so much?

Seminyak · 11/12/2013 18:14

Aw poor you!! Surely SIL would think 'Maybe workberk would like to make the cake herself'?? I think you should ring SIL and tell her you'd like to do so. (Don't go through MIL and FIL!) SIL might not even know she's been volunteered to do it!

diddl · 11/12/2013 18:22

Phone SIl & tell her thanks but no thanks!

Is she thinking of doing it as she is closer &you wouldn't have to travel with it?

FunkyBoldRibena · 11/12/2013 18:25

two cakes? One at the party and one for home?

LondonInTinselBoots · 11/12/2013 19:40

Just tell her you are making one and leave it at that? no need to pussy foot about. if she gets arsey then bring up the fact that ita his first birthday ffs!

if she is a prolific baker and you don't bake it's probably just not occurred to them that you want to do it!

Original poster
Workberk · 12/12/2013 00:25

SIL is travelling about the same distance as us.

They probably would have assumed I wouldn't bother to make a cake. SIL doesn't work, I do.

It's tricky to say anything to SIL as I've only heard it through PILs and we don't usually talk on the phone etc (we get on but aren't v close).

I think I will make a cake, take pics of my cake etc, that will be his official birthday cake and if no one eats it, so be it. I'm making it for DS not for anyone else.

OP posts:
MrsCakesPremonition · 12/12/2013 01:16

Just talk to your SiL. She will probably be relieved to hear from you. She probably got cornered by PiLs and felt she couldn't say no.

HappyAsASandboy · 12/12/2013 01:25

I have just navigated a very simar situation.

I was speaking to my MIL on the phone and invited PIL to my DC's birthday party the weekend after their birthday. MIL said that they'd assumed the party would be the weekend of the actual birthday, and "when did I want the cake?". Caught completely on the hop, I replied with "what cake?", to be informed by MIL that I'd asked my SIL to bake a cake!

SIL is very talented when it comes to birthday cakes, she even made our wedding cake. She normally makes a cake for eating at my PIL's house when we visit close to birthdays, but she rarely travels to see us and so hasn't ever done a cake (except wedding cake) to be eaten at our house.

I was really surprised that SIL/MIL thought I'd asked for a cake. I have no recollection of a conversation that could possibly be interpreted that way, and I feel strongly about making my DCs cakes myself. I honestly can't think how I have given the impression I wanted SIL to make a cake.

The discussion with MIL where I am trying to surf the fine line of being grateful yet not concede that I'd asked for this cake made it clear the cake was already made. With lots of effort from SIL to make precisely what I'd asked for Hmm. We managed to compromise by having PIL visit with SIL's cake (which was brilliant) on the actual birthday weekend, and then I made another (more amateur) cake for the party.

I think we managed to not offend anyone too much, though MIL seemed a bit bemused/annoyed that we didn't remember asking SIL to make the cake. We haven't seen SIL since, but the sticky situation will return at Christmas as I think we need to offer to pay SIL or the cake she thinks we asked for, as it was a great cake and can't have been cheap to make. I'm going to leave that discussion to DH :)

Make your own cake, and accept the other cake if you can't find a way to avoid it. You'll have to eat a shed load of cake for week, but you could freeze some too! If it is awkward when two cakes appear at PIL, then breeze through with comments about how lucky DS is to have so many people who care enough to make a cake/how you can never have too much cake/how it's great that professional and amateur skills alike can be appreciated with family. They might decide you're a bit crazy, but hey, so are they for assuming SIL can make your cake ;)

Good luck!

flyingspaghettimonster · 12/12/2013 01:26

I would let her make a yummy perfect cake, and I would make a smash cake especially for the birthday boy. Over here it is a big thing to make a giant cupcake in a theme, dress baby in a nappy and tie or other cute outfit, hang some bunting or paper chain decorations against a backdrop and get gorgeous photos of the little one thoroughly enjoying wrecking his cake. He won't mind if it doesn't taste as good as your sister in law and he will enjoy it far more! :)

chirpchirp · 12/12/2013 01:33

I was just about to suggest a cake smash too. I have very cute photos of DS covered in chocolate mush with a massive smile on his face.

FixItUpChappie · 12/12/2013 02:16

Tell them NO she is not. You are doing it. End of discussion. Call your SIL and tell her thank you so much, blah, blah but you are doing it. Period.

I take great pleasure in making my kids b-day cakes. Its your parenting experience - its up to you.

BohemianGirl · 12/12/2013 06:46

No reason why she cant make a cake. Cakes aren't exclusive. There are enough threads on here about people feeling the pinch and would it be ok to give home made goods. The resounding answer is yes, scrummy, delighted, marvelous, thoughtful.

So your SIL bakes for a hobby and is good at it.

I'm not seeing the problem. She likes making cakes. People like eating cakes. You can never have too many cakes.

bluecheeseforbreakfast · 12/12/2013 07:28

Could you suggest she makes some cakes but not a birthday cake as such just some cupcakes or something? You can never have too much cake!

My ds turns 1 next week, we have 2 parties this weekend and I havn't had the chance to get a cake recipe of my mum, if your sil is desperate to make a cake I'm sure we could help each other out ;)

I'm impressed by your organisation doing practice runs, my plan is to make the cake, if it looks crap which it will I am going to cover in in bags and bags of sweetsand hope no one notices ;)

Happy birthday to your big baby!

Original poster
Workberk · 12/12/2013 08:33

Yes I wanted to do a smash cake anyway so that can be mine (good excuse if it tastes awful).

Thinking about it I'm pretty sure she'll make a yummy but plain cake rather than something decorated, so I can do that whole shebang.

I've slept on it and decided it really doesn't matter. I can still make my cake regardless.

I'm actually really grateful to her for making a cake, assuming she does, the more cake the merrier!

OP posts:
Tailtwister · 12/12/2013 08:48

YANBU, just tell your SIL it's really important to you that you do it yourself. I'm sure she'll understand.

Original poster
Workberk · 18/12/2013 13:15

Thought I'd update on this:

SIL is no longer making a cake. She only offered as MIL was stressing about it. She's quite relieved she doesn't have to make one now according to DH!

Now I just need to turn out something edible...

OP posts:
diddl · 18/12/2013 13:56

No pressure, thenGrin

Original poster
Workberk · 18/12/2013 14:10

Cheers diddl ;)

OP posts:
ShoeWhore · 18/12/2013 14:14

Glad that worked out OP! Have fun making your cake.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page