how much should a mum do to help her adult children

[revivingshower]

Not exactly an aibu, but a couple of threads recently have got me thinking. I am a bit spoiled with my mum I know she'll always help me if she can, although she does work ft and has to help my dsis too who has some health problems and my Nan sometimes although she is quite independent for her age. I hope I will be the same when my dd is an adult, but I suppose mums don't really have to help their adult kids. So how much should they do Ito?

*in your opinion

As much or as little as they want.

My parents never stopped being my parents, caring for and loving me. That was repaid when they were ill and near the end of their lives.

So in answer to your question, they do as much as they "want" to do, there is no "should" about it

I help mine out whenever I can.

I would do as much as they want and I am able to do.

Kids dont stop being part of the family when they are adults.. my stepkids are all in their 20's now, and we help each other out, my MIL has helped me and my husband out many times, and we help her.. isnt that what families are meant to do?

I don't know tbh a lot depends on if its reciprocal or if child is taking the piss. I have done my mum a shop when she was skint and likewise she has done for me, she has helped me clean my house when it got out of hand, I have mowed lawn, moved furniture with dad, helped clear garage out etc. she looks after my kids when I ask her to (which I try not to do often as there's 3 of them and its hard going)
She would try her best to do anything she thought would make me happy, in return I try not to ask for anything except the pleasure of her company unless its absolutely essential

Depends what you mean by "help". My thoughts for the future if DS has kids are...

In terms of childcare I won't do regular, long days. I'll help out in emergencies and I plan to offer evening babysitting a couple of times a month and the odd weekend - cos I long for that time off so much myself.

I hope to be able to offer financial help for big things (cars, house etc) but he can pay his own phone bill!

In terms of emotional support - always to be there, to listen and to give advice when it's asked for and to tell him I love him and i'm proud of him even when he's towering above me and totally independent.

I also plan to suggest things i'd like for xmas and birthdays well in advance - esp during his twenties.

As much as they want and are able to do.

Neither grandparents help us in fact it's the other way around - we help them both financially and around the house. My mil said to her dd, I've had my kids - you want a family then it's your responsibility to bring them up and that's my parents pov too. All my siblings have very well paid jobs, so we see it as only fair that we subsidise our parents....we've basically renovated most of their house and bought them a new car. I expect dh & I will offer more support if we are around! we'll take it as it comes though, we plan to travel extensively in retirement.

As much as you'd help a friend- doing what you can only afford to do emotionally and financially

we helped the older 2 financially through uni and always there for them and the other 2 until the day we die.

my only proviso is me and dh have a life too and while we will always help out with future gc etc we won't be parenting all over again.

I don't expect any help from my parents but they do give it. I guess part of it is how you were brought up - my grandma did a lot of childcare for my parents, she was 48 when I was born, and retired early so she could help out. I don't think my parents took the piss, they didn't let my grandma do full-time childcare and they help my grandparents out too (help around the house, buy them certain things etc).

Both my parents and my in-laws are very well off financially and extremely unlikely to ever need financial support from us, but if they needed us we'd help in a heartbeat. I know that if we were ever in serious trouble we would be able to rely on either set of parents. If I went shopping (for clothes/books etc, not food) with mum then about 75% of the time she'll offer to pay and I let her - she can very easily afford it, I don't expect it, and it makes her happy to give me and her grandson treats.

Logistics have always been a problem for us as we've never lived close to either set of parents.

We've also been lucky enough never to need financial help, but my DF has been giving all his DC sums of money over the last few years rather than having lots of savings left when he dies.

We now have an adult DS, although as he is still at university, I sort of class him as a dependent child. We're certainly still helping him out financially plus driving him around sometimes when he's home for the hols. Hopefully this will stop next year when he graduates.

My parents help us out so so much, they are fantastic.....I have every intention of helping them out in whatever way necessary when they are older, not because I feel I have to but because I want to and love them dearly. They do what they do for us out of love and I will do the same!

Just realised that my post makes it sound like I o nothing for them now, I help them out now but also intend to offer every help necessary when they reach old age also.

I will also help my ds out in the same way my parents help me when he is a big lump!

My Dad helps with emotional support, advice and practical stuff. He took days off work to help me move recently. He is financially very comfortable and is prepared to help us out. I haven't really taken him up on this in recent years but my siblings have as they are both younger and got help to buy property. I'm contemplating moving house myself to a much more expensive area and he has already offered a loan to help me buy a bigger property than I could otherwise afford. Day to day I am not embarrassed to accept big ticket gifts (iPad etc) but I reciprocate and I wouldn't expect him to pay me for groceries etc. if I did a top up shop on my way to visit.

My sibs and I return the favour to him wrt help - we did masses when my Mum died as he became a bit acopic and hasn't totally recovered his get up and go. I sorted out a cleaner for him and am trying gently to encourage some house renovations as it has got a bit out of hand during my Mother's lengthy illness.