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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that people should help you to buy them a Christmas gift they would like?

10 replies

sebsmummy1 · 11/12/2013 09:48

Obviously I don't think I am Grin

Now I could buy gifts off the peg for everyone and be done with it. It's a gift, that will do. But I really try, with relatives especially, to buy thing I know they would like or sometimes need.

This year I held off, mums phone broke, was going to buy herself another slightly crappy one, I said let me buy you a nice one for Christmas. She said yes please, I have got her a really nice phone that will take decent photos. I feel happy, she feels happy. All good.

My father? Total nightmare, if I ask he says get me nothing. If I get him nothing or very little he is affronted. In his defence this year he is properly ill after a serious operation so I honestly don't know what to get him bar a tardis to go back 30 years love him.

My partner and I are doing no gifts this year thank god We've just moved do if rather get things for the house.

Now the sticking point. My sister. She is really under pressure at the moment with a job she doesn't like, struggling with childcare issues, an overworked partner and a three quarter built extension.

We have a deal with child presents that I ask what they would like or need and then get what she suggests (they are very young) and she says she is very grateful as I'm the July one that does this and it's marvellous. Great! Do their presents are all done. Do I ask her to think what she would like or need. I say don't worry about budget, don't worry if it's obscure or for the house, you know like a tool to help with the extension etc, just tell me what you would like and I'll get it for you. I thought that was nice no?

Instead I get this long message asking for me to get her a new life, a new car - or a mechanic to fix the current one, a miracle for dad's health and some free time for her bf.

Now I know this was TIC, so I replied equally TIC saying the alternative was some pot pourri in a decorative jar and I could get her a mechanic (my OH is a qualified one) but her OH is also a qualified one and doesn't appreciate any help. Anyway since then I have had no further response. Nada and christmas is now pretty close.

I feel pretty irritated to be honest. I will leave it until the weekend before the big day and if I've heard nothing I will just go and get a gift I think she could like. But if the situation was reversed I would have at the very least given her a genre of gift, you know like, get me some bath stuff, or some bed wear etc.

I dunno. AIBU?

OP posts:
sebsmummy1 · 11/12/2013 09:50

Sorry for the 'Dos' instead of the 'Sos'

OP posts:
17leftfeet · 11/12/2013 09:56

I think when so much is going on around you and your life is a constant stress, it's very difficult to think about yourself and a gift can seem very indulgent

Your sister sounds like she needs a massive hug for Christmas this year

Her reply wasn't TIC it was a cry for help/support

sebsmummy1 · 11/12/2013 10:00

She is as we'll supported as she can be but obviously that isn't enough. My mum gives her free childcare so she can work. As my mum is also a caret for my father I have stepped in and an going to be caring for my dad on the days my mum is caring for her children.

OP posts:
defineme · 11/12/2013 10:02

I agree.

Unless people specify themselves I don't ask-I just get them something I hope they'll like -she sounds like she needs a big treat to me.

I probably feel a bit jaded because I have a mil and a dm and a bil who expect me to specify gifts-including price/shop for my 3 kids, dh and myself. I then have no idea what to get them myself as I've used all my ideas up! First world problem, but it does annoy me. I'd be happy with a new book, chocolate or perfume-I think all my friends and relatives know that by now-mil even gets annoyed with me if all I ask for is those things!.

VacantExpression · 11/12/2013 10:02

Agree with 17... what about you make her a "cheque book", with one written out for every month of the year.. an evening/days babysitting, a day helping paint (or whatever) the extension, etc etc etc. The greatest gifts we can give are love and time and I suspect she'd really appreciate both xx

VacantExpression · 11/12/2013 10:05

Just seen your reply RE: childcare.. :-/ so you already do a lot then!

ICanSeeTheSeaFromHere · 11/12/2013 10:06

How about a 'night in package' ? Including wine, chocolates, amazon voucher for dvd, take away menu and money in an envelope and a babysitting voucher for her DC's.

sebsmummy1 · 11/12/2013 10:06

I did wonder about offering like babysitting cheques or something. But I don't think she would use them. Equally I could get her a pampering day but I got her something along similar lines a few years back and it turned into a big fat stress as she had to try and arrange childcare etc.

I suppose I just wanted to help and I feel as though my attempts to do so generally get thrown back in my face.

OP posts:
17leftfeet · 11/12/2013 10:11

How about spending the evening sharing a bottle of wine with her and just letting her get everything off her chest or having a laugh -which ever?

She sounds like she is a bit down and while you are offering practical support it may be more of the emotional she needs

sebsmummy1 · 11/12/2013 10:36

Without drip feeding we don't have the best history if being friends. We were estranged for seven years and started talking again when we both had families. So I would say our relationship is slightly fragile, plus neither if us drink. Perhaps we should both take it up lol!! Grin

OP posts:
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