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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find it a bit cringesome when friends invite you to watch them in their amateur plays/bands?

50 replies

Mintyy · 10/12/2013 21:42

I think I probably am, tbh, but still I would rather spend proper money and go and see professionals doing it.

Oh dear.

OP posts:

BitOfFunWithSanta · 10/12/2013 23:17

YABU. And a curmudgeon

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 10/12/2013 23:19

YABU. I'm an occasional am-drammer and we're not under the impression that we're necessarily any good - Tis just a bit of fun

I just wouldn't choose to be friends with anyone who was involved in the theatre in any capacity, though. At least, not if they expected me to ever attend.

I don't think they'd want to be your friend, either

tracypenisbeaker · 10/12/2013 23:28

My mate was performing at the Edinburgh fringe with her university comedy society last year. There were 7 people in the audience, including me and my boyfriend . None of them had any comic timing whatsoever, except for maybe one guy, but then he was really hammy and obnoxious so very off-putting. Plus there were too many references to obscure, nerdy things (it was meant to be 'nerdy'), and the dialogue was so quiet. So, so amateurish and try-hard- I got so uncomfortable and bloody fed up, but I did try to spread my 'laughter' out, just to be supportive.

Afterwards, my friend came up to me and said 'Did you enjoy it?' and to be nice, I listed the bits I did find faintly amusing. And she said 'I didn't hear any laughter' and she had such an angry face on her
I had been laughing, it's just difficult when there's 7 people in the audience and the play is, you know... not funny

hyenafunk · 10/12/2013 23:29

Yanbu.

My best friend is into dancing. Not ballroom dancing which I just love to watch, if he was I would happily go watch his performances . It's more contemporary/drama type stuff. Just all looks like twirling and jumping around to me. So I just also can't find a babysitter I'm afraid.

tinmug · 10/12/2013 23:33

I don't think they'd want to be your friend, either

They try all the time. I have 3 friend requests on FB from wannabe-luvvies ATM which I'm just ignoring for now. I get invited to dire theatrical productions all the time. I'm "working" a lot, unfortunately.

K8Middleton · 10/12/2013 23:35

My fave AmDram was a production of The Importance of Being Earnest played out by the shaggers/egos of the company. For those who don't know, it's a farce about young couples who want to get married with the women characters aged late teens, mid twenties and the men about ten years older.

In this production, the male leads had an average age of about 58 and were compensating with liberal applications of hair dye, bad wigs and there were rumours of corsets. Gwendoline was played by a woman approaching retirement complete with wattle.

It was a gloriously inappropriately play to choose for the cast of mahoosive egos. Still could've been worse. At least it wasn't The Picture of Dorian Gray

tinmug · 10/12/2013 23:37

we're not under the impression that we're necessarily any good - Tis just a bit of fun

Fun for who? ;) I'm kidding, of course. And no one could have any objection to their friends having a hobby that they love and which makes them happy. Just as long as you don't insist we come along!

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 10/12/2013 23:44

I get invited to dire theatrical productions all the time.
How do you know they're dire if you refuse to go...

I've been to support my friends and family in many a boring thing - Modern music concerts that sounded like white noise... Standing in the cold watching sports... etc. They're my friends and if they want me to go along to something I will go.

And also, a FB add does not a friend make

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 10/12/2013 23:45

I say if people ask me to go, I'll go... That is of course within reason...

reelingaroundthechristmastree · 10/12/2013 23:52

I have friends who play Ukuleles in a band.
They are dull as ditch water very good.

tinmug · 10/12/2013 23:58

How do you know they're dire if you refuse to go...

Because it's the theatre and I fucking loathe the theatre, basically
I also know the people involved and they're not too bright.

And also, a FB add does not a friend make

Well, you and I know that, but apparently it's not common knowledge!

Seriously. I have met them in real life on several occasions and I didn't like them, not least because they waffled on endlessly about their rehearsals and shit. I don't like ostentatiously "theatrical" people, I don't know how to react to them. They're friends of friends. I was polite, but honestly I would genuinely not pursue a friendship with any of them, purely on the basis that they're very passionate about something that does not appeal to me or even make sense to me on any level. I don't think IABU.

tinmug · 10/12/2013 23:59

I have friends who play Ukuleles in a band

But I would LOVE that!! I love ukeleles!

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 11/12/2013 00:04

Fair enough tinmug

I also love ukelele bands!

tinmug · 11/12/2013 00:17

I say if people ask me to go, I'll go... That is of course within reason...

Is there actually a completely nice, non-offensive way of saying "I'm very happy that you enjoy X but I don't like it and I don't wish to be involved"?

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 11/12/2013 00:38

Probably not, no. If it was somebody close to me I'd still rather grin and bear whatever it is in order to be supportive than say that to them and hurt their feelings, but if it's some egomaniac near-stranger begging you to go to their 'wonderful' performance of Les Mis, it's fair easier to be truthful!

I saw a rubbish version of Grease recently that hurt my eyes.

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 11/12/2013 00:39

FAR easier. Need sleep :)

Lazysuzanne · 11/12/2013 01:19

thing is if your hobby is performing part of the point is that you perform to an audience, where as other hobbies such as knitting, running dont require an audience as a central part of the hobby.

I dont really jive with theatrical types...surely they can all just watch each others shows?

MusicalEndorphins · 11/12/2013 01:34

Sometimes a person has to be polite and attend boring things for the sake of friendship and encouragement. It's up to you really.

Bogeyface · 11/12/2013 02:33

A bit of both. Our friendship group is very artistic so we get invited to a lot of these events. We go, embrace it and enjoy it, which is good for everyone. But by the time you have seen the set 20 times with little or no variation, it does get to "sorry we cant get a babysitter" time!

I have been involved in Am Dram and agree with the PP that AmDram can be fantastic. But I wouldnt expect my f&f to attend every performance of a 10 day run, yet my musical friends seems to expect that of me!

Joysmum · 11/12/2013 05:31

What's really loathesome is when you are asked to go purely to make up audience numbers but the person asking couldn't give a rats ask about keeping in touch the rest of the year

Joysmum · 11/12/2013 05:32

*ask = arse

Fucking do gooder autocorrect!

Doubtfuldaphne · 11/12/2013 09:27

Bad am dram is tiresome and I've been known to sneak out at intervals!
But you have to remember there are good bands and actors out there who nearly all start this way so don't write it all off yet!

KittensoftPuppydog · 11/12/2013 09:46

My silver wedding soon. Wouldnt be here if I hadn't gone to see his band. Mind you, they were very good and going to their gigs formed a huge part of our early years and made us friendships that have lasted all this time.

Fleta · 11/12/2013 10:42

YABU yes.

I've seen some absolutely amazing amdram shows. I've seen some less good ones but I'm yet to see anything truly awful.

It saddens me a bit that people don't want to go out of hand when you really have no idea whether it will be enjoyable. Amateur doesn't equal poor necessarily.

The worst show I have ever seen was supposed professionals.

I do amateur theatre and we are good. Very good. But then we're in a proper theatre too - no dusty, uncomfortable seats for us

Lovecat · 11/12/2013 11:07

YABU a bit.

I do amdram and our company is bloody good with professional standards. I have, however seen some absolute howlers like the Importance of Being Earnest production mentioned above. Twelfth Night with an all-pensioner cast, a musical in a church hall so tiny that the chase scene ran out of stage and they all had to go into slow motion at the end of the stage for about 5 minutes while the pianist blithely carried on, a production of Stags & Hens where the Liverpudlian accents were by way of Surrey...

If you hate theatre, fair enough, but if you like it then I don't see what's wrong with going along to support your friends. If it's good, you've had a nice night out for less than a third of west end prices. If it's bad, you've got something to laugh about (I was giggling so hard I was in physical pain during the musical chase scene above).

I invite friends to my performances but I don't expect them to come and I don't get upset if they say no. I do have a friend who won't come and see me perform but will come to something that I'm directing, because apparently that is 'mortifying' for them - they said it's not that I'm bad () but that they can't bear watching anyone they know perform as it's 'weird'. It doesn't offend me and I deliberately don't ask for feedback on my performance as that's just pushy.

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