Weird parent at school

[Summerwood1]

I was friends with a Chinese lady at my daughters school. The Chinese lady's daughter fell out with another child at school, who's mum i also spoke to. Because I talked to the other mum,the Chinese lady now won't speak to me! My daughter and the Chinese lady's daughter are still friends at school and play together at school,but if we walk past the little girl whist she is with her mother,the child turns away and looks at the grass so she doesn't have to say hello! Yet play together every day at school. My daughter asked if she wanted to come and play,she replied 'I can't my mum doesn't know I play with you' . Our only sin was to walk with the other mum she had fallen out with,bizarre behaviour!!!

[CheerfulYank]

It doesn't seem like she was asking if it were a cultural difference, Sook.

[WhataSook]

Well I think she might have been.

[QuintessentialShadows]

My optician is Chinese.


Whaddayaknow.

I never even thought about that until I read this thread and it got me thinking "how many Chinese people do I know?"

[waltermittymissus]

I have a Chinese friend. I'd kill for his hair.

All long and gorgeous. His hair, that is.

[waltermittymissus]

AND he's a chef and cooks for me when I visit.

I really must visit today soon.

[Capricorn76]

@Sook. Surely if she was friends with the woman she would know her name? She could've then used a fake name to describe her or called her 'Mum A' or something like most people do? Her ethnicity has zero to do with the story. It just makes it sound as if she's weird because she's Chinese. I don't think the OP is a racist at all but she does sound pretty clumsy, maybe she hasn't realised she's said something equally silly abut/to the mum/kid to offend them which is the real reason she's being blanked?

[Lavenderhoney]

Stop playing Chinese whispers, I've forgotten the original op:)

[Millenniumbug1]

Shouldn't it have said, "Chinese lady, aged 32?" If a woman is involved in any report we ALWAYS have to know their age! HTH

[ZingChoirsOfAngels]

was she single though?
and we know nothing about her income.

just not enough info to decide who is weird

[K8Middleton]

You forgot to add the value of her house too milleniumbug. That's v important Daily Mail detail

[GoldfishCrackers]

Nice explanation, Hec

[ZingChoirsOfAngels]

and her SAHM/WOHM status and whether she bf/ff/mix fed her kids.

[Booboostoo]

This thread is hillarious!

I am beginning to feel bad for the OP though and to be fair at first reading I did think the OP was asking whether the woman's ethinicity somehow explained her behaviour - although it was poorly put across and likely to excite much MN piss taking.

Take it on the chin OP and come back!

[namechangesforthehardstuff]

I think it's also important to note that the OP is not pointing someone out to us - we can't see them.

So while it would be fine of someone, who can see them, asks me which of the women in dd's nursery class is the teacher for me to say 'the black woman with the short hair' it's not OK to come on here and say 'Dd's black teacher...' Unless that's relevant to the story. And when would it be really?

HTH

[sebsmummy1]

My guess is that it was a quick lazy way of telling a story without getting caught up with fake names and woman A /B.

Something tells me the OP won't be repeating it in a hurry.

[Kewcumber]

Sook - my DS looks to the asian blind Chinese. He isn't, he is ethnically part Kazakh but more to the point he is 100% British, he startles the ethnically challenged when he talks as he sounds like a young Prince William.

But sure you're not really implying that white = British and non-white = non-british.

In any case if she is trying to say that Chinese culture is an explanation then why call the woman weird - surely thats even more offensive?

As someone whose child has been followed around a playground repeatedly being called "japanese boy" I am quick to point out unnecessary descriptors as its massively irritating. If someone kept persistently referring to me as "the fat woman" it would piss me off not because it isn't factually correct but because its unneccesary when no-one else is having labels attached

I'm sure the OP didn't mean it maliciously when she referred to her"friend" as "Chinese" four times in four sentences but perhaps it will make her think in future. Pointing someone out with a descriptor is fine, pointlessly and repeatedly referring to someones difference for no obvious reason - not fine.

And yes my earlier post was firmly tongue in cheek.

And what Hec said too.

[Kewcumber]

In my mind I do have an image of OP sitting rocking in the dark in her bedroom, muttering to herself "I only thought she was weird, not Chinese weird, just regular weird" with her DH and DC's looking on concerned...

[ZingChoirsOfAngels]

@ Chinese weird

[Huitre]

You have all made me roar with laughter!

Some of you may enjoy this.

[melika]

Sebsmummy1 has it in one!

Maybe OP you offended her family and her Shaolin temple!

[MightyMagnificentScarfaceClaw]

One of DD's friends has a Chinese mum. She is very friendly and shows no interest in who else I speak to.

Weird.

[Kewcumber]

sebsmummy1 Do you skirt around the obvious difference and start talking about the one with curly hair or the fact they are wearing a red top say or do you say that bloke over there, the black guy?

I say the black guy personally but any description you use to differentiate him would be fine.

If pointing out DS to people who don't know him I sometimes say "the one with the bright red top on" sometimes "the central asian looking one" and sometimes "the one having the strop at the referee" whichever is more noticeable at the time.

Failing to mention that someone looks Chinese/black/asian doesn't make their racial characteristics a negative thing anymore than failing to mention that they are tall/short/fat/wearing red. So OK if its relevant but not if it isn't.

I wonder if its only something that irritates you if it follows you around all the time?

[ShinyBauble]

This whole thread is gross. Hiding it.

[PassTheSherry]

The woman is Korean in the video, not Chinese, but...the situation sounds familiar!

"You're weird..."
"Really? I'm weird? Must be a Korean thing."

[FraidyCat]

I think the posters mocking the OP are unreasonable, nasty, and bullies. Since we don't put names in posts, we label people with some (possibly irrelevant to the anecdote) label just so people know which person is which. She could have chosen any number of equally irrelevant labels, nothing wrong with the one she did choose.

songlark, let me show you why it is wrong for someone to mention ethnicity when it is not relevant.

I read the rest of that post, and disagree with it. It's perfectly natural to describe someone by what distinguishes them from what is usual in our own experience. In fact it's efficient, which is why our brains store information by remembering differences from some culturally-dependent statistical norm. Of course there are circumstances where it may be offensive to use difference as a descriptor, but OP's post doesn't fall into that category.

I do know from a previous thread (think it was about whether to describe the only black person in an open-plan office as black when giving directions) that there are lots of people on here who are uncomfortable with using race/ethnicity as a descriptor. Suggest people revive that thread if they want to argue about it. Speaking for myself, there was a time in my life when I was uncomfortable with it, but I grew out of it. The less I noticed/cared about race, the more comfortable I was using it as a descriptor. In particular, jumping through hoops to avoid mentioning it makes you look like a bit of a tit you have a very big issue with it.