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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that she is not a mess!

26 replies

thenextitemiscancelled · 10/12/2013 08:41

My DH and I got talking, as we do sometimes about his first wife, and I said I would love to see waht she was like now. ( they were VV young and no children etc) I looked her brother up on FB and then found her and good god, she is really gorgeous and looks well young, I daren't show him now, what if he thinks he missed out!! I have got to tell him though as my daughter was with me when we were looking and she will be bound to tell him we found her. I just wanted her to be a right mess, why did I do that!!?

OP posts:
tinmug · 10/12/2013 08:44

Surely the strength of your marriage isn't based on the relative attractiveness of other women? Why do you feel like you're in some sort of competition with this woman?

KittyLane1 · 10/12/2013 08:44

Well just think, you think she is pretty? Your DH thinks your prettier :)

Shakirasma · 10/12/2013 08:46

Do you think your DH is shallow?

jammiedonut · 10/12/2013 08:46

Why why why would you do that to yourself?

Famzilla · 10/12/2013 08:47

Unless you think that your DH is only with you because of your looks, I don't know why on earth this would bother you so much.

Original poster
thenextitemiscancelled · 10/12/2013 08:48

shakira no I dont, just judging him by my own standards when I found out an ex was a multi milionaire that is all!! this is slightly lighthearted BTW!

OP posts:
sanityawol · 10/12/2013 08:50

I generally only put pictures on FB that I don't mind the world seeing. Wink

But; she is your DH's ex for a reason.

DH and I both have significant past relationships. We will sometimes talk about things that we did or places that we have been before we met. Doesn't mean that we have any wish to revisit the past.

redexpat · 10/12/2013 09:16

Nooo! FB stalking is the way to madness, MADNESS I tell you!

Vivacia · 10/12/2013 09:30

I think you need to show us pictures so that we can compare.

LastOneDancing · 10/12/2013 09:39

Look at the 'beautiful' celebs who get divorced - a pretty face only goes so far, you need so much more to keep a relationship alive.

Although on the other hand, I do get a tiny kick from knowing my horrible old BF is now married to a not particularly attractive person and my DH is a fox with a brilliant personality Grin

Original poster
thenextitemiscancelled · 10/12/2013 09:48

God No Vivacia, what if you are the Ex!!

OP posts:
Mia4 · 10/12/2013 12:55

Exes are exes for a reason, 99.9% of the time it's got nothing to do with looks.

MaidOfStars · 10/12/2013 13:02

You looked up your husband's first wife with your daughter there???? Why would you do this?

And yeah, what everyone else said.

WeWishYouAWelliesChristmas · 10/12/2013 13:06

Smack OP!

You silly billy. Like someone said, exes are exes for a reason.! I get a bit insecure about DH;s ex too. She is 20 years older than me. She is super glamorous, always has all her hairs in place, is slim and elegant. If I had chickens and horses I would look as if I had just come in from mucking them out, even when I am trying to make an effort! But, they were a total misalliance. He cannot bear her, and thinks she is amoral and a liar. (She was, but that is another story). He loves me. Your DH loves you.

Step away from the Facebook!

IslaValargeone · 10/12/2013 13:07

While there is obviously an element of 'why would you do this to yourself?'
I think it's perfectly understandable, human nature innit!
I also don't think YABU about wanting her to look a mess :o

gamerchick · 10/12/2013 13:11

Why can't you take it as a compliment?

JoinYourPlayfellows · 10/12/2013 13:15

"Why can't you take it as a compliment?"

How is it in any way a compliment?

How attractive this woman is says nothing at all about the OP's attractiveness or otherwise.

MaidOfStars · 10/12/2013 13:20

*How is it in any way a compliment?

How attractive this woman is says nothing at all about the OP's attractiveness or otherwise.*

Yes it does. It says that the sum total of the OP's attractiveness is higher than the sum total of the ex-wife's attractiveness.

sutekidane · 10/12/2013 13:23

Does he have Facebook? Maybe he's already seen her anyway.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 10/12/2013 13:26

"It says that the sum total of the OP's attractiveness is higher than the sum total of the ex-wife's attractiveness."

No it doesn't. Confused

Maybe he thinks he'll never meet a woman as good as her and just settled for the next one that came along?

Maybe he was threatened by her attractiveness and prefers someone he can presume will never leave him?

It's not the case that every person on earth is with the person they have loved the most.

Plenty of people have exes they'd prefer to be with if life had turned out they wanted it to.

MaidOfStars · 10/12/2013 13:32

Well, that's depressing...pardon me and my ideals Wink

sparklysilversequins · 10/12/2013 13:35

My profile picture is Instagrammed as much as possible and I look stunning. Only 10/10 photos of me make it onto FB and I can't stand being tagged into photos that do not meet this criteria. I imagine most people do the same so I wouldn't worry too much.

NotYoMomma · 10/12/2013 13:40

WTAF is wrong with you? get a life

littleballerina · 10/12/2013 13:46

My partner has a stunning ex but he doesn't love her.

I was really ill for ages with depression and anxiety, i wound myself up a lot about his ex but he's still here. I admit it would make it so much easier if she wasn't so pretty. I am insecure and think that i can't possibly measure but he's living with me and my children, he's supporting my studies, he's just plain lovely.

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey · 10/12/2013 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.