To be unsure about starting a family (VERY long - sorry!)

[OneMillionScovilles]

DH and I have been talking for two or three years about starting a family. We know that IVF +ICSI is pretty much an inevitability for us.

I've been very pro-baby, and more of the day-to-day driver over TTC, although I think long-term he'd probably be more gutted than me if we couldn't have kids. When we met, I was 23 and didn't want kids full stop. I changed my mind in a big way as we became serious, because I saw how much it meant to him, and for the first time I wanted kids (for me, not just to make him happy) because I could see how wonderful it would be to start a family specifically with him.

Over the last few years I've had jobs, but not anything I wouldn't ditch in an instant to raise a family. I've also made a serious rod for my own back with idealistic pre-DC talk of being a SAHM long-term, and even HE-ing. Now I've just accepted a new job, and it's something that could be the start of a really exciting career. I know that by default he will expect me to be the one to give that up in favour of a small DC. (We had to have a few talks before he agreed he's even willing to change his working situation if/when we hit the jackpot so he isn't away 2-3 nights a week as he is atm.)

I do want to have kids with him, but really don't fancy giving up a potentially incredible career before it even really starts. AIBU to now want us to wait another couple of years? Or should I go for it ASAP but abandon my (personal) mummy-idealism if we're lucky enough to be successful?

I guess we should at least get the GP referral (due in the next week or two once final test results come back) and see where we stand re. waiting lists etc. If it's a two year wait as in a PP's area, it's kind of a moot question as that'll be plenty of time to get my feet under the table in the new role before wanting any time out for ML etc.

To be fair to DH, the other job I was offered recently would have meant me working away from home 4 nights a week, effectively putting the kibosh on pursuing any treatment for now - I put it to him like that to make sure he'd thought about the knock on effect, and he was very supportive of me taking it anyway if it was what I wanted to do.

I think his assumption that I'll do the lion's share of childcare is 50% based on family history/norms and 50% that I've explicitly told him in the past that I'd rather do that than go back to work. I'm sure he'd support me changing my mind (although the norms aspect might need to be worked on separately). He's very good at putting work second in a crisis - e.g. taking me to A&E when I broke a toe, or taking time off at no notice to sit with a dying relative with me - so I think he'd apply the same 'family first' approach to staying home with poorly DCs etc. It's the everyday slog I'm more concerned with...

Is part of the problem perhaps that I've been doubly demanding? I really don't want him in a job that means he's often away overnight and doesn't see much of DCs through the week - but that might be easier to accommodate if I were working as well and he didn't have the pressure to make sure his job could support us all, IYSWIM.