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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to *HATE* entertaining?

47 replies

Lisavarna · 09/12/2013 21:59

My dh wants us to have "the gorge" an annual get together of a couple of his school friends and their partners and his 3 brothers and their wives/partners for dinner a few days after Xmas this year. Another couple usually host it, but my dh thinks we should take our turn this year and have them all round to us.

Its going to be around 14 for a sit down meal and i am bloody dreading it.

Its 3 days after Xmas. My dh will say he is cooking the main course, (a curry) but invariably i will end up having to hang around clearing up the apocalyptic levels of mess and wash up he will create. He will fuss and fret about everything, and the worst thing is the other couple are total foodies and always produce an amazing spread, gorgeous desserts etc, whereas ours will be some dodgy curry and a bought (probably) dessert and will not impress at all.

We have 5 young kids, and this this other couple have none, and 3 of the other couples have no kids either, and all of the couples kids or not, are big big drinkers and will probably stay till at least 2 or 3am, before rolling home.

This is why i dread it. Its all the work and fuss beforehand, the fact that they will stay on and on for hours, long after i want to go to bed, and i feel that its rude to go to bed and leave the guests to it, though my dh will happily sit up with them. Then the next day we will be wrecked, hungover and with a mountain of wash up to do and the kids will want to be entertained.

I really just can't be arsed anymore. I want to sit on my bum in my own house and just enjoy being with the kids over the holiday and not have to sit up all night and listen to other people get really drunk and talk shite in my house till the small hours.

Flame away. i know i am prob being VV Unreasonable but i can't help it, that's just the way i feel. I wish i could say no to this party, but i can't as dh really wants to do this and really likes their company.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 10/12/2013 07:20

Eugh...sounds like hell. I'd get down m+s, buy the whole lot ready made and chuck out the packaging so no one knows! Yawn a lot throughout the evening!

Tubemole1 · 10/12/2013 07:25

YANBU.

I am a lazy arse anyway and cannot cook for toffee. I find these sorts of social affairs dull and not worth the effort. I sympathise.

Original poster
Lisavarna · 10/12/2013 13:40

Oh thank you all for understanding and giving me such practical suggestions! I was expecting to be told i was lazy and boring, thank god i am not alone in my feelings! Grin

The problem is i am an introvert and dh is an extrovert who loves entertaining, (but flaps about it for weeks beforehand)!

OP posts:
Ephiny · 10/12/2013 14:13

I wouldn't know where to begin with cooking for 14 Shock

Can you not take them out somewhere instead? (also then you can go home when you want to!)

Perihelion · 10/12/2013 14:44

Find a local curry house which will make you a big pot of curry and do all the sides. Job done. Buy earplugs, so you can slope off to bed and sleep when you want.

kerala · 10/12/2013 15:04

I only ever do chilli for large groups (copy my brilliant at mass catering pal). It's cheap pad out with veg, freezes brilliantly so you can do in advance. Serve with rice and nachos crisps. No starter bought pudding. Can you access a catering type cash and carry? They do massive puddings cheaply its where the pubs get theirs. I got a banoffe pie for £10 was nice and served 20

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 10/12/2013 15:13

Get DH a rice cooker for Xmas. I bloody love ours.

Orangeanddemons · 10/12/2013 15:31

I think it's a bit cheeky expecting you to do this with 5 kids. 5 kids is enough without having to cope with feeding 14 other people.

And drinking until 3am just sounds awful. They should all give you a break

Horsemad · 10/12/2013 15:32

Crikey, just don't bother - either all go to a restaurant or get someone else who doesn't mind entertaining to do it.

I have never cooked for anyone apart from Dh & DC. Life is too short! Smile

arethereanyleftatall · 10/12/2013 16:14

Entertaining is shit and hard work. Which is exactly why everyone should take their turn......

Topseyt · 10/12/2013 16:37

I just wouldn't bother either. Go all together to a local restaurant, or get in a take-away.

It would just be my idea of hell on earth.

Horsemad · 10/12/2013 18:13

I'd rather never go to someone's house ever again than have to reciprocate. In fact, this is exactly why I turn down invites!

Original poster
Lisavarna · 10/12/2013 19:22

Gah! Dh just came home tonight and told me he'd asked another couple to the dinner, that makes it bloody 16 now FFS!

I told him that NO MORE INVITES allowed and that this means it is now buffet style and not a sit down meal.

OP posts:
Chottie · 10/12/2013 19:39

Waahhhhhhhh!

OP - I can't believe it. Your DH needs to be locked up until after Christmas Xmas Smile Please don't feel you have to stay up until 3.00pm, I wouldn't either. I would go and see to the DC and not come back. Good luck

Original poster
Lisavarna · 10/12/2013 19:53

He's a feckin liability!

He keeps on saying don't worry bout the food i'll have it all under control, (yeah right!) but i know that no matter what there is a lot of work in there somewhere for me.

However, i have as of today ordered two massive desserts from a local caterer which i will stash in freezer and pass off as my own. Will also take on the ordering of wine and order all my favourite wines then he can't complain about the amount i am spending as it is necessary in order to entertain his mates Grin

Come 1am i will be going to my bed and dh can stay on and entertain whoever is left.

And HE shall be taking all the empties to the bottle bank.

OP posts:
justmyview · 10/12/2013 20:25

I think if you accept other people's invitations, then you have to take your turn to host from time to time

It doesn't sound like a regular event, so I think you should go with the flow

You could buy your curry from www.cookfood.net/ and (budget permitting) buy a rice cooker. Then it really is no effort to entertain

sandfrog · 10/12/2013 20:35

I think if you accept other people's invitations, then you have to take your turn to host from time to time

Yes I agree with this. But another time, maybe you could all agree to get babysitters and meet at a restaurant instead?

namelessposter · 10/12/2013 20:40

If I were your guest I would hugely appreciate it. We host here loads and no one ever offers to have us back. Makes me feel sad Hmm So you are being a good friend by taking your turn. Bought 'everything' is fine; it's the hospitality that counts. And book an 8am babysitter from sitters.co.uk for the next day!

bellablot · 10/12/2013 20:47

I would absolutely hate this, tell your DH to bugger off, it's totally unreasonable for anyone yo expect you to entertain with 5 young kids, I wouldn't dream of it!

BananaNotPeelingWell · 10/12/2013 20:48

Yadddnbu. That sounds hellish. You have more than enough to manage already.

Original poster
Lisavarna · 10/12/2013 21:11

I don't mind have the couple round who normally do this big dinner, to ours and have many times reciprocated their hospitality by having them to dinner here.

Its having to have the rest of the gang that i don't want, and they never reciprocate cos none of them live here, they only all converge on their home town at Xmas, staying with their parents and that. But yes, i think in future, if the other couple don't fancy hosting and everyone expects us to do it then i will just suggest we all go out instead,

OP posts:
alemci · 10/12/2013 21:25

sometimes we all bring and share in our group. why not get everyone to bring food. you could do main course but others could bring salads, deserts etc

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