To wonder if private education disadvantages DCs?

[PleaseHelpWithSchoolChoice]

DD1 started at a private primary school in September. The quality of education there is amazing and they are great with behaviour and discipline. However we have unexpectedly had a DC2 (I was told I wouldn't be able to conceive again, turned out to be untrue) so the cost factor has become very big. Also all of DD's friends locally are going to the state primary, the private school is a journey away and I feel that as she gets older that may exclude her socially, both from local and school friends.

The local school is ok - OFSTED scores mainly of 2 with couple of 3s, and felt to be improving. DH and I both work in the public sector and my job isn't permanent so we might really struggle with fees, and even if we both work it's a massive chunk of our income. Is private education worth the expenditure? If our DCs go to state school we have the option of working part time or one of us being SAHP so able to pick DCs up, do homework with them etc. I am uncomfortable with private education in principle anyway, and the school has no BME or male teachers, is single sex and religious, which we're not. Minor point but it also has a very distinctive uniform and I feel really uncomfortable going out in our less wealthy area with DD wearing it, it sort of feels ostentatious. I recognise that this is about my discomfort with private education in principle, other parents at the school feel it looks sweet and are proud to walk their DCs to school wearing it.

I am going round in circles trying to decide what is best, please help me to think this through. I feel that if DCs go to private school they will be disadvantaged socially and if they go to state school they could be disadvantaged educationally, the school say that when DCs leave they are about two years ahead. Am I just doomed to feel I've failed them either way?

It's not really a question of private v state it's looking at these two schools and deciding which would be the best for you all, as a family. From what you have written it sounds to me as if you are leaning towards the state option, have you looked around the school recently? Do you know people already at the state school that could give you an 'insiders' opinion?

I had a similar dilemma OP when we were deciding on which school was right for DS, we ended up choosing private simply because of the facilities and coupled with a slightly lazy but reasonably intelligent DS, private school has afforded him the small class sizes and one on one teaching that has helped him flourish into a confident and independent learner.

Socially, my DH runs a local youth sports club and only DS is not educated at the local school. DS has excellent and longstanding friendships with these children as well as other state educated children in our local area. They are just other kids to DS, he couldn't give shiny shite where they are from as long as they are willing to play minecraft

I must admit, I spent more time nurturing the friendships with local children than I ever did the children at school as I thought it was important for DS to have friends he could "call for" as he got older but I am pleased we did send him to private because he loves the school and is incredibly happy there and the standard of education really is 1st class.

OTOH, it has made damn sure DS is an only child, the 2nd set of fees would cripple us!

For me, private education was very advantageous. I was fortunate to go to excellent schools where I received the specialist support I needed (support for G&T pupils was next to none existent 25+ years ago), when I later went to boarding school at 12 it gave me the stability I didn't receive from my mother. I excelled, but private education isn't always the best education for any given child. Whether or not it is the best option for your DD1 will depend on several factors:

Does she like the school?
Is she progressing well academically?
Does she have good friends at school?

How is she likely to react to you moving her?

Are you prepared for any trouble she might have at her new school having just moved from private - perhaps less of an issue if you move her soon but still a possible issue?

How will you help her manage a potentially significant difference in behavioural expectations - not saying state education is bad, but the expectations can be very different?

Will yet another change have an adverse impact on your DD1 when she's just settled into school?

You'll make your final choice based on work - life issues, finances etc, but I do think you're seeing potential issues where they don't necessarily exist (distance was never a social disadvantage, neither was a distinctive uniform in an area where most children attended different (though admittedly still usually private) schools.

As parents all we can do is our best, even if we don't always get it right. As long as you have thought all options through and are as prepared as possible then you're unlikely to go too far wrong as long as you have your dc's best interests at heart.