to cling to the past when it comes to do with ways of mourning?

[FrauMoose]

Somebody I'd known fairly well for the last 18 years - and thought of as a friend - died unexpectedly a couple of weeks ago. They were no more than middle-aged.

I do know that people grieve in all sorts of ways, and there really isn't a 'right' way. It's about what works.

But does anyone else feel uncomfortable after a death, if they see people who may have known the dead person not that well, announcing their distress on Facebook. (And yes, I realise that that distress may be very genuine.)

I also felt slightly odd when one person who knew the deceased in a work contect announce the time and place of the funeral to everybody on FB. I am assuming that in the past it would always be family who notified friends. It seemed to me that this person was jumping the gun a bit, as they weren't saying .

Some people wrote some very touching tributes on a website. But again I felt that quite a few of the later postings were from people who really didn't know the dead person, but did want to join in with saying how sorry they were.

This is probably an age-related thing, but I did find a lot more helpful to talk to friends - who had also known my deceased friend - privately and face to face about the death. Now I'm just waiting for the funeral and the 'do' afterwards.

Just to clarify the above - end of 3rd paragraph ...'as they weren't saying X's mother asked me to let everybody who knew X that the funeral will be at such and such a time and place.'

Is there a reason you can't talk to friends face to face?

I am sorry about the loss of your friend :(

I think everyone deals with death differently, in a way I think that people have always marked the death of a person they only vaguely knew, especially at the funerals of young people the church has been packed, absolutely packed. I went to the funeral of a young child who babysat for 2/3 times a week, there were 100s of people. The child wasn't even at school yet, at a guess she would have know maybe 15-20 people by name. I think it was a comfort to her family to see that her life had touched so many people even if they had only met her once or twice.

I think that when a person dies there is no right or wrong way of doing things.

I hope that the funeral is as your friend would have wished it.

I think you should mourn and grieve in a way that suits you and not be too concerned with what others do. For me, any mode of communication is suitable if it's done in an appropriate way.
You know, the opposite is also true, that people can miss out on information because someone is reticent about NOT delivering the message face to face. for example, someone I didn't know well passed some time back. I would defo have gone to the funeral because her
DD is in my DS class but the person we mutually knew called but didn't leave a msg or text, I'm guessing cos
she felt it was disrespectful or something, and as result I missed the funeral. I couldn't help being a little
irritated by that tbh.

Not saying YANBU, I just think folk need to be respectful no matter how they do it...

I agree with "Bluecheese".

I am in my 40's and grew up in a very Vatjolic area, where it was the norm to lay the deceased at home.

It was open house and even older children were allowed in, especially if it was a child death.

Every Church has the listings of the ill and deceased in their publications, death always has been a community event.

I did talk to a good friend about the death last week. And it really helped.

I do see what people mean about death always being shared in the community. Maybe it's just that the internet and social media mean that communties are now even wider? (Like all those RIP postings after celebrities have died.)

Wouldn't the funeral information have been published in the obituary in the newspaper, or is that not something that's done in the UK?

My parents both died when I was in my early 20s, and there funerals were both attended by many people, and there were many tributes on the funeral home websites. I was touched by everyone who had taken the time to express their sorrow at my family's loss; it never occurred me to wonder how well the individual in question had known my parents. Perhaps some people just did it out of politeness, but we appreciated the sentiment none the less.

I think you're being a bit unreasonable, it's not for us to judge how other people grieve, or how deeply they should feel a loss.

not saying Yabu op sorry :(

also, meant to add, be at peace with the way you grieved your friend. May she RIP..

their not there! Ugh!

You are right about communities being larger, also the effort that it takes to post a facebook message saying rip is much less than the effort of buying, writing and posting a card.

I think it is important to remeber that even if lots of people are showing their greif in the same way as you despite only a small link to your friend it doesn't take away from your grief and the specialness of your remebering your friend's life and thinking about the lovely memories that you had together.