To ask for this money back, i feel i am but dont know what else to do?

[Vix1980]

So basically a family member got married last may, not long before i had recieved an inheritance, not much but a bit that id never had before.

I find this person has booked a honeymoon away but was going without any spending money, so i offered to lend them a bit (£200), on the provision they would pay me back a few months later once they were back and settled (it was said by august). a few days later, this same person asks if they could lend a bit more so it came to £450 that i gave them.

They go away, have a lovely time and come back thanking me constantly saying they wouldnt have had a wonderful time if it hadnt of been for the money i had given them. i feel all wonderful for doing something nice.

By july i get a phone call from the family member asking could they pay me back by september instead as he had just been taken on permanently in his job so would have a better income then. i say yes, no problems, i didnt have tons of money myself but certainly wasnt struggling. fast forward a week and the same person has a heart attack, weeks go by and he was off work for quite a while, not on full pay yet so by the time he gets better and is back in work (only 3 weeks ago now) they probably have bills which have accumulated, the thing is though i lent them the money thinking i would have it back in time to buy ds his christmas presents, i have a few bits for him but im actually struggling myself now, im so far in my overdraft now when id managed to pay it off, I am living week to week so the money would ease a little pressure on me.

I feel like a bitch though for even thinking of asking for it back, ive learnt my lesson though never a borrower or a lender be is so true! what do you think, should i just ask or leave it a while and carry on the way i am for a month or 2, at least get christmas out of the way and make do with what i can for now?

Personally I would mention that you had earmarked the money for ds' christmas present too Vix, see if you can't guilt them into paying up.

I doubt it would come to small claims to be honest, there are too many people in my family who wouldnt see me go without, and i really doubt there the type of people to have spare cash at christmas so even if i did put pressure on them i doubt id see any until at least end of january in there next wages.

Do you ever wish you had a time machine and could go back and tell yourself not to do something arrggghhh!

You may think you're on good terms with them, but they have been taking the piss about paying you back and now seem to be ignoring your very reasonable requests for repayment –or even for communication.

That doesn't sound like very good terms to me. It sounds as though they have zero respect for you. I really wouldn't worry, at this stage, about it turning nasty. The onus is very much on them.

The reason I suggested NOT mentioning Xmas presents is because in some people's minds that then becomes entangled with "she wants to buy luxury stuff". Given the recent illness, that could very easily become "he's been ill and she want to spend on presents". And the OP could be seen to be unkind.

I've seen this happen to a friend of mine. The person who owed her money was totally unmoved by attempts at guilt-tripping by my friend who was highlighting that she wanted to buy a birthday present for her DD.

Focusing on the basic necessities, such as paying bills, etc, can be less emotional and confrontational. But gets it across that the money needs to be repaid.

Only 'lend' money if you can afford to lose it. Next time, ask to take a surety until they pay it back (e.g a TV) and if they are uncomfortable with this offer then you know that they have even the teeniest reservation that they can pay you back. It may sound cold holding somebodies property as security, but if they fail to pay you back then no harm done to the friendship as you can sell it on and its their own fault. I dont you have legal rights regarding making them pay you back as it stands- the court may view it as a 'gift.' I could be wrong though

Not that you would lend money of course

Just go round and ask and if it doesnt work,well at this stage its worth the ear bashing form your mum.Especially if it gets you your money back.

Take it from someone who has loaned money and never got it back, you need to be persistent about this now. The longer it goes on, the more unlikely you are to get it back. My scrounging grabby arsehole of a cousin (the takeaway one, for anyone who recognises my name and is wondering) still owes me money from years ago and the nasty woman has never made an attempt to pay it back. She is utterly vile and out of my life for other reasons, but her borrowing money with no intention to pay it back (which amounts to theft really) forms part of the reason why she will never be welcome in my home again.

Sorry, that was quite long, but really just don't drop this or you will never get the money back. Some people won't offer it, even when they know they should.

Vix: Tell your Mum about it.
It's not like you lost it gambing.
You lent it to them in good faith.

They've had their chance to start paying it back and haven't.

I lent my nephew £500 three years ago - not seen a penny.
His Dad would go mental if he knew.
And no, I don't have spare money.