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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel bad being on benefits and the housing register?

40 replies

Chelsealady · 07/12/2013 21:32

Im probably digging myself a big whole and going to get some negative comments but hey ho I would like the advise.

Im 19 and gave birth to my little girl last week. Before i was pregnant I had a stable job and lived with my DP but he walked out on me at 32 weeks and I left my job just before finding out I was pregnant as I was due to go traveling.

Im currently living with my mum and little brother (haven't lived here since I was 13 I moved in with my nan) and im in the smallest room in the house. Iv been on the housing register since 4 months pregnant and now baby is here they have phoned me to say I can bid on 2 bedroom flats in my area.

My point is do I really deserve to? The reason that im thinking this is because my mum has had a very bad drinking problem since I was young she stopped when my brother was born for 2 years then started again he is now 8. I told her if she wants to be a part of DDs life she must stop and has done for 2 weeks. She has also said I can have her room which means I can put my cot up.

Do I turn bidding on flats down and withdraw my application as there are people out there a lot worse off than me. Or do I take this opportunity?

OP posts:

Original poster

Chelsealady · 07/12/2013 22:31

Stares

OP posts:

stella69x · 07/12/2013 22:42

Ignore the stares and whispers. Chances are they are not about you and your situation but you are projecting due to your feelings. Even if they are, use them as motivation, you know that you are doing your very best to provide for you and your dd and they are small minded idiots with their own issues they are hiding.

Easy to say, harder to do, but you can do it and you WILL feel better about it because you know YOU are doing the best for you and your dd and are better than the judgy pants gossips on the streets (who should be looking in their own back yard for the real problems).

perlona · 07/12/2013 22:50

Social housing exists for a reason, you've nothing to be ashamed of. Do what's best for you and you're child, don't ever be shamed or guilted into accepting less than you can get.

Doingakatereddy · 07/12/2013 22:50

Ignore the stares and whispers, bid on that flat & enjoy newborn snuggles with your DD.

The flat is the first home for your new family, it may not be what you hoped but it will be your sanctuary.

mrsWast · 07/12/2013 22:50

um, is your mum getting any help for her alcoholism? your brother is just 8 - are social services aware?

this is of course NOT your responsibility, but as a recovering alcoholic myself, i would worry that your mum is trying to stop for someone else, when it needs to come from her.

i wish you all the luck in the world in a cosy new home :)

Doingakatereddy · 07/12/2013 22:50

Ignore the stares and whispers, bid on that flat & enjoy newborn snuggles with your DD.

The flat is the first home for your new family, it may not be what you hoped but it will be your sanctuary.

Original poster

Chelsealady · 07/12/2013 23:00

MrsW yes my mum sees the doctor once a week and also goes to aa classes.

I know it sounds strange but my mum is still a great mum to my brother she doesn't put alcohol before my brother and Dr's are aware of him and have not called SS yet. I am always going to be present in his life and If i ever thought things were getting bad i would make sure actions were taken. I am hoping becoming a nan herself will give her the power to stop it forever.

She did stop when my brother was born but it only lasted 2 years she started again when my dad died.

OP posts:

Vampyreof · 07/12/2013 23:04

i'm not embarrassed about being in council housing buuut i just worry that people will get all judgey about it. We both work, just not earning enough! i'm very attached to 'our' little flat and hope you get somewhere lovely.

mrsWast · 07/12/2013 23:07

chelsea that's good to know. i'm in AA and it really works for me.

now, go and bid on a new home - an xmas present for yourself!

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 07/12/2013 23:11

Get bidding ye daft sod, you and your baby deserve it just as much as anyone else :)

Original poster

Chelsealady · 07/12/2013 23:12

Iv got to send them DD's birth certificate then I can get the ball rolling...don't know how long I will be waiting but just excited to start fresh and put all this negativity behind me.

I am determined to prove young mums can do it! And when DD is older she will hopefully appreciate the decisions Iv made.

OP posts:

monicalewinski · 07/12/2013 23:15

This is exactly why we have the benefits system, to provide a safety net for those who need it.

Don't feel guilt, accept the help you are being offered

monicalewinski · 07/12/2013 23:18

And merry xmas

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 07/12/2013 23:20

OP when I was 6 weeks old my dad died, my mum was 18 and had to live in a caravan with me (can you imagine?!) She finally got a council house, and had to claim benefits for a while but she got herself a job and honestly I am so proud to be her daughter, the way she managed at a young age to bring me up and I think she's done quite well if I'm being honest

You will be the same, you have the determination clearly and I'm sure your DD will be very proud

SoonToBeSix · 07/12/2013 23:41

Chelsea you sound very mature and a wonderful mum and sister. Am glad you decided to bid. I hope you get offered a nice flat soon for you and your dd.

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