Ds Carer...Am I being ungrateful?

[Shellywelly1973]

Ds 8 has ASD & ADHD.

He attends a special school. Was excluded from mainstream at the age of 5 & has been described as 'uneducatable' by 2 Educational Psychologists... Hes very obsessive & is very difficult to manage in any environment other then home.

Ds has a Carer who Social Services employ & pay for. I appreciate how lucky we are as ds gets 6 hours per week respite. I couldn't believe he got 6 hours but he can't cope in any social situation ie clubs/ cubs/ swimming classes/ childcare or playscheme.

The probkem is the carer is so unreliable. My mil died in September. She was ill & dying all through the summer holidays. His carer rarely had him for the 6 hours any week of the summer. She insists on having ds one evening a week but then ds wont sleep even though he's exhausted as she very often won't bring him back until 730/8pm. Ds hates going out in the week.

This week ds has been ill. So carer said ds had 3 hours left for today as she couldn't have him mid week. She then said she could do an extra hour so I arranged for a friend to come here to meet ds & the carer so I could take my other dc out this morning.

But when she picked ds up she started her usual routine of saying- I work around you - I will have ds for longer...but its too late. I've made plans with my friend. I've organised the other dc but of course if I'd known she could have ds for longer I could have allowed for that.

Ds is off school for nearly 4 weeks at Christmas. The carer told me last week she got 2 weeks annual leave. The 2 weeks my other dc are off school. We can't get cover as she is off course entitled to annual leave.

This morning she turnd up 20 mins late. Starts waffling on saying I will do whatever hours you want. But I've already had to make plans- she doesn't seem to comprehend that changing plans is very stressful.

Just ppolitely tell her you need her to stick to the planned times, as it makes things difficult for your otherwise. She is not doing you a favour, she is being paid to do this - don't feel bad

You need to talk to social services if its them who employe her. It would probably be a good time to do it just before she goes off on annual leave then she can come back in the new year with a more helpful attitude.

It sounds like she does want to be helpful, she just doesn't realise what she needs to do to make that actually happen. Maybe it's a communication issue. It can be really difficult being in the role you have found yourself in as the kind of 'boss' in this type situation when it's a role you never wanted to have to have.

Maybe if you made a little list of think things that you really need from her and put it across as if they are the things you need, rather than the things that she is currently doing wrong, then it will help you get the point across without causing offence in a relationship that you need to be a positive one.

It's not acceptable. Our carer is always bang on time and gives us days of notice if she wants to change plans and that is the service you should get too.

You really need to talk to your SW on this one. She is a paid employee of the council, and she needs to start acting in a professional manner towards you.

This means - working her contracted hours, turning up on time, being clear with availability early enough for you to plan your commitments, communicating clearly.

I am on your behalf - you are getting a right royal runaround - respite care should be an opportunity for you to get some RESPITE! And furthermore on behalf of the tax payers that are paying her to fail at her job.

Hope you get some proper support soon.