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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How cruel would this be?

45 replies

Minor · 06/12/2013 17:45

DS1 has managed to come home from school with only one trainer after PE (yr8). He says he's been back to look everywhere it could be but it's disappeared without trace.

As it happens (this month anyway) he and I are the same size and as I am something of an exercise addict I have lots of trainers/running shoes.

He needs predominantly white for school.

WIBU to make him wear lend him a pair of my running shoes? They are definitely made for women and are white with a pale turquoise flash on the side (I've ruled out the pink ones!)

The style itself is actually exactly the same as the ones he's lost, only the "men's" flash is a darker blue.

OP posts:

OhWellWhatToDo · 06/12/2013 20:12

So Yr8- so 12/13.

Feminist issue- yes. But you shouldn't be changing society or whatever with the teens who are so conscious about not being perceived as 'girly' or 'different', as they are at an age where most of them want want to fit in. Currently, wearing something in a woman's style is not fitting in.

I doubt anyone will notice, I'd try marker pen though, if it's plastic, it might smudge it a bit? And even if it wipes off, after the start of the lesson when everyone notices, it doesn't matter.

lljkk · 06/12/2013 20:14

Presented with girly trainers, yr9 DS would flip out and refuse to go to school at all (has form).
He DID borrow my all white trainers a few weeks ago when he had managed to leave his other THREE pairs various inaccessible places. Only agreed to this because it was a rare invite to BF house.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 06/12/2013 20:14

ah sorry year 8, even worse then!

'study in detail' what a glance? I don't know about you, but I know what young lads are like and they're often comparing trainers, clothing etc. It's like a competition. It's easy to expect them to act mature and rise above it but well it's not that simple really is it when you're having the piss taken out of you? It shouldn't happen, but it does. Kids can be cruel.

OvaryAction · 06/12/2013 20:20

The trainers are for PE, presumably they'll be too busy playing football/hockey or whatever to be checking out each other's kit.

And if anyone did say anything he could just say something like
"Why are you so interested in my trainers, is it because when you're taking the piss out of me no-one notices how you miss every goal?!"*

*I expect someone who knew more about football could come up with a sharper comeback along those lines

SplitHeadGirl · 06/12/2013 20:21

I can see Ovary's point, but I am pretty sure if a girl turned up wearing boy's shoes or whatever, she too would get teased and mocked.

monicalewinski · 06/12/2013 20:22

I would be more concerned about not standing out at that age, too. Ask him if he wants to borrow them, ask him if he's ok with them not looking too girly (for want of a better word).

He may say:
No, I don't want to wear them, but thanks for the offer,
They're all right as they are with the flash left light blue,
Or he may ask for the flash to be made darker.

Whatever his response it's really his call as it's him who will be wearing them.

FWIW my son borrows my (casual) trainers and boots sometimes, as I sometimes buy boys ones (size 4/5, so loads cheaper!), but he wouldn't wear my girl's ones.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 06/12/2013 20:25

Presumably. But often not the case.

And what if he just isn't confrontational? It all depends on his character. he might not be able to come back with a witty comeback. And might not be able to back it up if a bully started off on him. Sorry I know what you're saying but I know exactly what it was like to be bullied because of something different. Wearing 'mosher' trainers for PE - yep ripped to shreds. Having hair like a boys - yep ripped to shreds. Luckily I was strong enough to tell them to feck off but not everyone is.

Looked into this quite deeply here ha, I may be projecting slightly but I remember all to well how nasty kids can be with things like that and wouldn't like the same to happen to OP's son.

HazleNutt · 06/12/2013 20:34

since when is (turquoise) blue girly? OP is not forcing him to go to school in pink sparkly stilettos..

lizzzyyliveson · 06/12/2013 20:52

If he thinks he will be bullied or teased for wearing them then I think this pair of trainers will also get 'lost' mysteriously before PE. Lend them to him if you want but don't expect to see them again!

bundaberg · 06/12/2013 21:39

i don't believe this thread.

the OP says that the shoe is EXACTLY the same as the ones he was wearing before

the only difference is the flash is a lighter blue

i mean seriously... no-one is going to think "ooh light blue, those must be girl's shoes"

whois · 06/12/2013 22:07

Not cruel at all! Better two slightly girly shoes than only one shoe!

Bedsheets4knickers · 06/12/2013 22:47

When is he next in PE???

Bedsheets4knickers · 06/12/2013 22:53

If it opens up a door to being picked on and if you can afford to buy him another pair ( December I know ) I would get him another pair. Take it out of his Xmas money to re-enforce he needs to take care of his stuff. I think year 8/9 are tough on kids. That's prob what I would do.

VanitasVanitatum · 06/12/2013 23:13

Seriously, if he's bothered, carefully colour in the swoosh with a permanent marker in a colour of his choice. Use a proper permanent marker, it won't smudge. Non issue.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 06/12/2013 23:16

What if the OP actually likes her turquoise swoosh

maparole · 06/12/2013 23:38

My ds has been wearing for the past year a pair of trainers I bought for myself but were very slightly too tight. He loves them and is reluctant to admit they are now too small for him.

Unless they are shockingly pink and glittery, would anyone really notice?

BrianTheMole · 06/12/2013 23:41

"Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short and wear shirts and boots because it's okay to be a boy; for girls it's like promotion. But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading, according to you, because secretly you believe that being a girl is degrading.

This is so true.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 06/12/2013 23:55

Like I said, I had my hair cut short and wore doc martins and got ripped to shreds. Think it all depends.

Original poster

Minor · 07/12/2013 07:04

LOL at all the outrage about me inflicting this stereotype on him.

DS1 is possibly the only 12yo male feminist I know. Both my boys have been taught since a very young age that men and women are different but one is by no means inferior to the other. (they believe it too!)

DS1 is quite happy to wear the trainers - he'd much rather wear something we already have than have to go shopping I was just wondering how much pain it might cause him at school. He's generally oblivious and mild ribbing would go right over his head but as we know, kids can be cruel.

Of course anyone who wants to can wear turquoise but I challenge you all to find a pair of "men's" trainers with pale turquoise (or pale blue) on them.

OP posts:

OhWellWhatToDo · 07/12/2013 10:19

I know a girl who played football and didn't like singing or pink like a stereotypical boy would be teased at the place I went to school. Kids are generally a conformist bunch. If you stand out or are different, you are sadly more likely to be teased.i think this doesn't matter if you are a girl or a boy. If you are a girl who leans towards more stereotypical 'boy' stuff then it is easier than leaning, as a boy, towards more stereotypically 'girl' stuff. But I think otherwise, whether by liking things the opposite gender are stereotyped as liking or otherwise standing out, it is hard for both boys and girls.

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