Aibu re school arrangement?

[pumpkinsweetie]

I made arrangments with the school (an academy) more than a week ago entitling me to collect my younger dd from the lower school office & for my elder dd to be sent down from the upper school.

I did this due to meltdowns from my younger dd upon the excess crowds, and cars mounting the pavements en route to upper school as it was making her (asd suspected) have severe meltdowns of which containing biting, punching, kicking, lying on pavement and blocking my pushchair from going to collect elder dd.

It took some what of a compromise as i had originally asked for my elder child to be collected by me first 10 mins early so i could collect younger dd second. Therefore avoiding crowds etc but head was not happy with my suggestion so came up with the above & it suited us & seemed to work

All well & good until today, the day of the school fair!

So i turn up as usual and wait, i wait & i wait & wait, still no sign of either dd after 20 mins, (office closed), so i finally find someone & they send younger dd down. All the whilst the upper school children that were bought down by their parents filled the very small office.

Of course my dd didn't like the stuffed, cramped conditions & started biting me & kicking the pushchair, an instant spectacle was made. We both waited for elder dd to get sent down but 7 mins of meltdown and we had to get out and walk to upper school as i was worried where dd had got to and couldn't get hold of their office either.

We struggled to get out of office due to crowds for 10 mins. I went to collect dd from upper school, the family liason officer was full of excuses & said my dd would have been sent down but coz it was a fair they were busy. I had waited 25 mins & the fair was used as an excuse!

We finally went back to lower school for the fair only to realise there was nothing left except to see santa, of course younger dd was very anxious by then & started ramming pushchair into people until i finally calmed her down.

Would you find this reasonable? Considering both my children & my little one missed out because of their incompetance?

Are you just try to to catch the senco when you are at school? Or are they unavaliable when you have randy to make an appointment?

NoJus can't catch her at school as she is always busy and when i phone school it's promised she will get back to me yadda yadda and the phonecall never materializes.
I'm a quiet person except from today, so i'm guessing they find it easier to fob me off or forget my requests but i'm starting to get louder and louder and soon she will listen.

Already thinking of going through statementing alone as this process has been so drawn out and excusable, also going to see the gp soon to see how we get on going down that route too.

At present i avoid many outings, as simple days out can go one way or the other, mostly the other so most weekends we stay in. Went to see santa last week and that lead to a mini meltdown about not wanting to line up and wait. Makes me sad though as now she is out of a pushchair and so heavy its impossible near enough always to have days out or adventures but i'm slowly getting used to this.

Have Pmd you, Pumpkin

I think you are being very unreasonable, sorry.

We have our Christmas fair on as I write and it's total bedlam. I've had children chomping at the bit to get out of classes and join in since lunchtime and everyone is over excited and stressed. I managed to remember a meeting with a parent but it was a close call and the parent forgot anyway (not blaming her, it's the general chaos!) If I'd had to get one or two children to somewhere special at a certain time today I'd give no guarantees of getting it right whatsoever. There'd be no malice or ill intent behind it, it's just that there are a lot of children and, when we're out of routine, things just don't work out.

Thankyou dawn x

And i completely understand manic
I'm not blaming it on the actual teachers and can completely understand how they have a lot on.
I was actually upset there was no-one available in the offices to speak to or contact.

I would not have been allowed to take them early either as i had already asked when i set up the arrangement. The academy is very anti children leaving or being off unless a real reason is stated.

Regardless of whether there's a school fair on or not, the office should be staffed so that there's someone available to answer the phone.

School offices can be busy places and they are usually short of staff so sometimes it is not possible to answer the phone. On the evening of a Christmas Fayre all the staff team pitch in to make it a good event, so sometimes things slip; they can't always run with military precision. I can see you are stressed, but sorry going off the deep end about the school is being unreasonable. One slip up due to a special event and you are accusing them of incompetence.

I am astounded that you expect to take a child with additional needs who melts down in crowds to a school fayre. They are crowded and noisy and stressful and it would have upset your DD regardless of the school.

Actually the school is being accommodating letting you collect you oldest before end of school as that is time when legally they should still be in lessons.

CarolineDeWinter - is your school office always staffed? We have one member of staff and she does have to go to the toilet, have lunch, take messages around school, deliver late bookbags and PE kit that have been delivered to the front office, dealing with first aid or a sick child, deal with a parent at the front door, etc. I think you must come from a bigger, wealthier (i.e. bigger school budget rather than private) school if your experience leads to you to believe the phone must always be manned.

I am going to be quite direct here. You have a child who doesnt like crowds so you decide to go to the school fair (which is full of crowds). You sound like you have more than enough on your plate yet you are having another child and blaming the school for the school fair issue.

It really sounds like you are bringing this all on yourself and making things really difficult for yourself and then blaming others.

Thanks handcream niace!!
8 months ago i didn't even know things would get this bad but of course i had a crystal ball then didn't i.

Pumpkin
When something like the Christmas fair is on you know it going to different . Which DC will not handle well.
So it is up to you to plan for it.

Re senco issue

I would work with class teacher . I would seeing her once a week . To see how things are going.

My bad i guess aibu never was a place to ask for support.
I have already agreed i was bu for taking her to a fair and maybe a little unreasonable for not seeing the catuastrophie ahead (sorry can't spell) but the school offices should have been manned by atleast one person, hardly acceptable all doors were open, anyone could have came into the school.

But you didnt need to go to the school fair. You have asked whether you were being unreasonable and lots have said yes you have.

No AIBU is not really the place to get support, if the support you want is everyone agreeing with you.... lesson hard learnt when I was a newbie! Sorry you had a crap afternoon, and hopefully you have learnt from it. Hope next week goes smoother.

Thanks CanI , chilling out now, finally! and next week i will plan ahead for any days that may lead to change

I have seen parents of autistic children using a specialist buggy like the maclaren major to help their child feel safe and comfortable in public. Obviously this might be difficult with one in the buggy already but you might be able to get a buggy board for the younger one or something?

It is difficult op, I understand that, especially when the seemingly small actions by others cause our children to become so stressed and difficult to manage.

Hi

I would ask for your thread to be moved. On another note, have you tried going through your gp? Where I live you can push things quicken through the medical side than the educational side.

Thankyou guys, think that is what i was trying to put across ie: small actions = meltdowns/stress but should have posted in special needs for advice instead of asking whether i was unreasonable, which of course to a degree i know i was.

Specialist pushchair, lovely idea with buggyboard, but too expensive and although a brill idea for now, it won't be logistical when baby is here soon.
Going to put newborn & toddler in phil & teds leaving me almost hands free to stop & deal with dd if she has a bad day, or could just about fit her in and get toddler to walk if need be

I suppose today was just one of those days and i will put it down to experience & plan better in future and take into consideration things may be hetic and not make things worse for myself by taking dd to fairs etc.
Think my hormones also have me all the pickle at the moment.

Ihatesonics post was fab.

Ihatesonics post was spot on. I don't think you were unreasonable for attempting the school fair, you were just trying to accomadate your older child's needs too.

Ihatesonic is right the best person to make things happen the way you need them to is you, with the best will in the world the school aren't always going to foresee what will upset your dd and make your life harder. Something like this WILL happen again. It is what it is.

I suggest you slink out of AIBU and come join us on the special needs children section. Even if we think you are being unreasonable we'll be nothing but lovely about it!

CanIMakeIt - not a big budget school but the office is staffed by a full-time secretary and when she has to leave the office the phone is routed to the staff room where there is always someone doing PPA.

The OP tried ringing the offices six times with no-one replying - what if there had been an emergency?

The school fair should be manned by parents and teaching staff and the office staff should be in the office, not running the flippin' tombola.

It is amazing how different schools are. Us teachers are not allowed to answer the phone!!! And I bet the teachers would love having to answer the phone during their precious and limited PPA time, so I'm glad we aren't. I wouldn't mind if it was an emergency, but the calls we get from 2.30pm onwards 99% are sales calls, parents asking us to remind little Johnny to bring his book home, queries about dinner money, requests for admissions information, with just the very rare one being please tell Johnny's teacher he's going home to play with Ben.
But then again, as I spend most of my PPA photocopying, laminating, hearing children read, etc. (stuff I can't do at home) I'm rarely in the staffroom even if we had a phone in there to answer.
Our office staff switch our phone to answering machine when they have to leave the office to deliver messages, things to be sent home, go to the loo or lunch, deal with a vomiting child, etc. Then quickly check the messages when they get back.

I think as they accomodate your special circumstances, then you should appreciate theirs.