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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School non uniform days

37 replies

mylittlesunshine · 06/12/2013 16:13

I can't decide if I am or not,

We quite often have non uniform days at my DS school, we get told via text and Friday notes home about these. Each time the school ask for donations, sometimes it's chocolates but usually it's bring a bottle, and the texts/notes always say 'would be much appreciated'. I would take from this that it is not compulsory.

Each time we have it my DS comes home and says they had a big lecture about how only the children who donate get to wear non uniform, if you don't bring a bottle or chocolates you must wear uniform. This just doesn't sit right with me, surely that is singling out children because their parents either can't afford to buy wine or chocolates to give to school or because the parents choose not to for whatever reason. My DS didn't take chocolates today as I had forgot to buy some, we usually donate but my DS and the rest of the class where told she didn't want to hear any excuses, and said on bottle days although they prefer wine they would accept fizzy pop if parents couldn't afford wine so again there's no excuse.

So AIBU to be annoyed by this?

OP posts:
NumptyNameChange · 06/12/2013 16:16

yaNbu.

village school by any chance?

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/12/2013 16:20

Yanbu. Are you serious? They are using the children as their own personal drink suppliers? How kind they are allowed to bring fizzy pop just to avoid discriminating against other religions no doubt Hmm

Disgraceful!!! What happened to a pound with no way of knowing who did or didn't donate.Angry

LilTreacle · 06/12/2013 16:20

YANBU as far as I can see.

Presumably its for a tombola or some such that they will make money on for the school by effectively selling it back to the parents one way or another....if you wish to support that is up to you I would think.

It is the parents who decide whether to support this and its unfair to single out the children in this way when it is not within their control.

Our school does the same - today uniform free and a box of chocs please....sent DH out for box of chocs and he came back with wine gums....not sure if that will be rejected as doesn't meet criteria.

ElenorRigby · 06/12/2013 16:23

YANBU We get this a lot at DD's school.

WooWooOwl · 06/12/2013 16:25

YANBU, but personally if I wasn't going to donate, I'd send my child in uniform.

They certainly shouldn't be lecturing the children about something they have next to no control over. That's just mean.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 06/12/2013 16:26
Shock

At my dcs school it's £1 for non uniform days (donation voluntary) what on earth can they be doing with som many bottles of wine and chocolates? Surely they dont have tombolas that often?

CaptainSweatPants · 06/12/2013 16:28

If you send your child in uniform you do know they feel bad all day, left out
Well my dd did when I forgot Blush she was so cross with me :(

Original poster
mylittlesunshine · 06/12/2013 16:32

It's a CofE school and yes they are for numerous school fairs, Christmas one being the worst as soon as we get back after the summer holidays donations of bottles and chocolates get requested in readiness for Christmas, they make a huge thing of it and yes I do understand that the money goes back into school so normally donate for that reason.

I hate the bottles one as it is pretty clear they want wine and passing a bottle of red to a 9 year old to take into the playground doesn't sit right with me at all. I hate the thought of children being bribed into bringing stuff in, the teacher told them the non uniform is a treat for the children who donate.

This is the same school that does absolutely nothing for children in need or red nose day etc no non uniform, no donations for charity or fun events to raise money for others.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 06/12/2013 16:34

I don't think they should be asking for such expensive donations (particularly when they'll be giving them away for the cost of a 20p tombolo ticket Angry ), but at the same time I don't think parents should have the choice of whether to pay for non-uniform day or not. It isn't fair on those who do always cough up. Noone's made of money.

Original poster
mylittlesunshine · 06/12/2013 16:35

They have the whole school open at Christmas to raise money so have stalls with wine bottles wrapped up, some contain water some have wine if you unwrap the wine you keep it if its water you lose. They have different rooms so there will be a chocolate room where you pull out raffle tickets and win chocolate stuff like that so they do use a lot of it for those events.

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WooWooOwl · 06/12/2013 16:35

I'd be glad of a school that doesn't do children in need or Red Nose Day! I hate being forced into supporting charities through my children going to school that I choose not to support otherwise.

Supporting the school is completely different, because parents should support their children's schools. But charity is supposed to be a choice.

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/12/2013 16:38

Well unless there are 200+bottles of wine on the table they must be taking some home

bochead · 06/12/2013 16:40

What happens to the child on fsm, whose younger siblings are reliant on the generosity of the food bank? There will be a child who will go home to a dark house, as rather than let him/her be embarrassed in front of their peers the family will have chosen to purchase a bottle of wine with the week's electric budget.

Access to education shouldn't be made dependant on family income. Considering how hard times are getting many families out there, schools need to knock this sort of behavior on the head as a matter of urgency.

Original poster
mylittlesunshine · 06/12/2013 16:41

I do get that charity is a choice and supporting the school is great, but normally charity days are fun for the kids as well and the donations for that are always optional. If a child doesn't give £1 for Red Nose Day they don't get told off for it or made to feel different from the rest of the class.

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Gileswithachainsaw · 06/12/2013 16:52

No they don't. And no one is supposed to know who donated and who didn't.

Why teachers would keep tabs I don't know.

Peter ows miss Jacobs three bottles if wine
a D for Christopher today as no chocolate

WooWooOwl · 06/12/2013 16:56

They get made to feel different from the rest of the class if the school asks children to donate on RND or CIN in exchange for being allowed to wear something red, or something spotty, which our primary does every year.

There isn't much difference to the children between wearing non uniform for children in need, or wearing non uniform for the PTA.

I get that there are families that are struggling, but schools are struggling with their budgets too. I do think parents have a responsibility to support school events, because it's their children who benefit, and will miss out if they don't.

Original poster
mylittlesunshine · 06/12/2013 16:57

Well the teacher said only 8 children out of 18 in his class donated today and says this is the worst yet. I think other parents are perhaps feeling slightly pissed off, I know they are getting annoyed at the wine situation and some have started donating a bottle of water on bring a bottle day. The last fundraising event they were raising money for 40 iPad minis so I'm assuming they need to raise a fair bit.

OP posts:
CheeseandPickledOnion · 06/12/2013 17:04

WTF do they need 40 iPad mini's for in a school?!

Original poster
mylittlesunshine · 06/12/2013 17:07

We do support the school though, they have cake sales every other week which we get asked to donate cakes to, they have enterprise every Friday which allows us to buy something they have made, we give donations to the local food bank via the school, we spend weekends looking after guinea pigs, chickens, pigs, hamsters and whatever other animals they keep bringing in to their 'farm', we come in to do their gardening, we help on trips, we volunteer when it's art stuff or reading they need help with, we give whatever donations they need for art, farming clothes, baking etc. we have given wine, chocolates, raffle prizes.

But still if we forget one time to donate our children get told off, seems slightly unfair, especially when letters and texts say its a non uniform day, and donations are appreciated. I take from that not compulsory.

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ilovepowerhoop · 06/12/2013 17:07

our dress down days normally cost £1. Donations for tombolas are made by the parents and handed into the office so you aren't giving bottles of alcohol or boxes of chocolates to small children. For dress down days it is always made clear that it is optional.

GideonKipper · 06/12/2013 17:11

Just send in the pop.

Bochhead you wouldn't get much electricity for the price of a bottle of cheap pop.

MudCity · 06/12/2013 17:15

I am incredulous that the school encourages donations of wine in return for a non uniform day.

A non uniform day should not be dependent on donations of money or anything. There are other ways to raise money without children being singled out for not making a donation, which is beyond their control.

Personally, I would be having a full and frank discussion with the head teacher about their fundraising ideas...

WooWooOwl · 06/12/2013 17:16

So the school collects for the food bank?

In your second post you made it sound like they only ever help themselves.

mumandboys123 · 06/12/2013 17:16

I teach. We do a lot of fundraising. We would always 'demand' money but if a child turned up without uniform and the appropriate donation, nothing would be said to them in public about it. We might discuss privately - depends what we know of the child's home life - but we accept that it doesn't work for everyone and that no one should feel obliged to donate or be left out.

Original poster
mylittlesunshine · 06/12/2013 17:16

I'm just being grumpy about it, DS wants to hand something in on Monday, told me its a Church of England school and not following the rules isn't very respectful. He's clearly worried about it, he hates being told off so will pick something up over the weekend.

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