to not put up Christmas decorations if my husband doesn't clear up his mess?

[snooter]

This will be the third year in the row that we haven't had a tree in the lounge & the second year that we haven't had the pretty stuff in the hall that I like to put out, because the levels of clutter & crap have become frankly ridiculous. It was bad before but mostly hidden in upstairs rooms. Last year I just hung a wreath on the front door & lay the cards in a heap on the hall table. Not sure I can be bothered even to do that this year. The whole house is filled with his stuff, all over every flat surface, the lounge & dining-room are unusable, we step around & over stuff in every room. It's not mine to throw out & tackling it or mentioning tackling it causes a row (although I do sling out the odd thing in a rage - nothing is ever missed ) He works hard, long hours, & does not have the energy or inclination to do anything about it, even though he assures me he hates it as much as I do. The whole house is a fucking embarrassment - we hardly ever have anyone over - having said that our friend is coming to stay next weekend - a lovely man who lives in a clean & tidy house I'm not even that tidy or house-proud really - on holiday he's much the tidier out of the pair of us I'd just like the house to be normal

Whilst some here are clearly the extreme.

I did it two ways, bag up a bag set in front of dp, he sorts it or I bin it the next morning.

Also each week I just binned one large bag - it was never noticed.

I would just deal with it myself if he refused. I couldn't stand the clutter and smell of all that stuff.

Also, can we stop with the text speak please!!

having a mental condition is nothing to be ashamed of. Refusing help is.

being a selfish pig is also shameful.

does he always start screaming if you mention doing anything about it? If so you are on eggshells and it must be horrible.

You need to buy one of these
www.tesco.com/direct/paper-logmaker/628-2775.prd?pageLevel=&skuId=628-2775&kpid=628-2775&gclid=COfF3tSGnLsCFSj3wgodnEYAZQ

and one of these
www.amazon.co.uk/GARDEN-INCINERATOR-BURNER-BONFIRE-RUBBISH/dp/B009UX4UK4

Then start collecting stuff up and disposing of it. He probably won't even notice but if you say anything you'll have an almighty row.

Honey I feel your pain. I have a lovely christmas tree in my hall by the front door. Do you know what is at the bottom of it? Not nicely wrapped gifts or crackers but 5 fucking litres of car oil. It's been there a week. If it's still there tomorrow I'm going to giftwrap it.

Meanwhile, my dining room continues to look like Halfords stock room whilst he 'sorts out' the new stereo equipment for his car. I walked by it this morning to note his new trainers, complete with box are also added to the pile. It's been like this for over a month.

I'm no longer nagging because in 2 weeks time when the new puppy arrives I'm sure he'll make very short work of his boxes of crap.

I think if you live in that house you have every right to live how you want to.
I'd be taking a hard line, " today I'm cleaning it the lounge I will be binning all the rubbish and erecting the tree, I want to live in a tidy home, the rubbish goes or I leave"
Then do it.
My husband hates throwing stuff away, he has a shed. I ruthlessly bin all rubbish.

Hoarding may be a mental health issue but living in a s@@@ hole is depressing. Your house will smell if you are not cleaning it due to the mess. You just can't smell it.

Tough love is the way to go, do one room he will be inspired to clear the rest.

I have to admit, DH was fab about sorting the boxes with me. We threw away loads of things. And the spare room will be sorted during the Christmas break, as DD wants to move into it.

Its just storing the stuff he is going to sell, from his old hobby (RC Cars and Helicopters) as he is no longer able to stand to race them.

But onwards and upwards, DD promised to sort her old papers (drawings, stories etc) out tomorrow (fingers crossed)!

I will have my tidy house back, i will i will......

Please don't put it in the loft and don't put it in storage because it will be there forever.

The loft is full, so I can't put it up there

It's the pointless stuff I can't understand - out of date chocolates, unwanted toiletries, endless motoring magazines (25 years' worth - "I look back at them" - "No, you don't"), boxes for stuff that really doesn't need boxes to be kept (like car maintenance stuff), every gift tag that has ever been attached to any present he has ever received - kept attached or tucked in to the back of it or something (his mum does that - therein lies the problem).

You need to get him on one of those TV shows that clean up your clutter or you may well both disappear under the mountain of crap!

screamqueen is not entirely joking... hoarders have actually been killed by the collapse of piles of stuff.

in a recent case (says the dreaded DM) a ceiling collapsed under the weight of all the hoard -fortunately the hoarder wasn't at home!

A Skip is what you need!!!!!!! order it now!!!

Go on - start surreptitiously thinning on the quiet. Be ruthless, and tiptoe......
Come and tell us what you have stashed in the neighbours bins so he can't find it

Oh - I have a neighbour who it turns out is a bit of a hoarder. No one had any idea until the fire. She had a minor housefire, very little damage but she can't afford the repairs and the cost of a new window. Because of the report from the fire officer about the state of the house her insurers won't pay out until she clears the house and the loft to a reasonable level. They are sending an inspector before they will write her a cheque. She's been clearing it since April very slowly. It must be freezing with just a boarded up window.

I feel your pain. I have a husband who has some hoarding tendencies, and I do have to work to keep on top of things. Every time there has been a delivery, or he has emptied a bag or box for whatever reason he asks me "surely this fabulous bag/box would come in handy in the future?" Often he then leaves me to "find a home for it" so I do - in the recycling bin.

So far I have managed to keep him contained to his "study" and to what should be a games room for the whole family.

In a wardrobe in his "study" he has newspapers dating back years. His desk can hardly be seen under the weight of junk main, unopened post and other trash.

He has four bicycles, though fortunately only one of them at a time lives with us in the house (I put my foot down at the rest of them). The so-called "games room" has its floor covered with his tools, and he claims this is what will motivate him to get on with the DIY jobs which have been waiting nearly 10 years now.

I am going to wait until New Year, when he likes to make some resolutions (he is the only one of us that does) and suggest that the best one would be to at least clear out the games room, before I do it for him.

Sooooo glad I am not alone, and nor is mine even the worst either.

First, get a massive bin bag and work through the stuff, putting things to be chucked out/rubbish in the bag for getting rid of.

Get a massive box and all paperwork to go in there...you can buy folders to file it away in at a later date.

Be ruthless.... Chuck stuff out! I can't bare clutter around me...I bin stuff all the time! You can't live like that, it will only get worse and once you get on top of it, it is easier to maintain.

Do a massive blitz on it together...it will be hard work but once its done, its done!

Have you space in the garden for a series of sheds? Could you afford to rent some storage space? Would drive me mad.

You need to give him an ultimatum. His stuff may be his personal stuff and whatnot and he's entitled to it but it's ruining your quality of life. So you insist that he needs to clean up one room at a time. One room in one week. You can suggest it as gently as you need to, to get him to cooperate but in the end the message is firm.

You tell him that if he does not move his stuff you will bag it all up and have it put into a storage unit.

I m a bit like that and in despair of myself
I find it incredibly hard to sort and throw things ago but do some in short bursts
It affects my partner a lot and he is quite despondent about it. He s told me I can't have Christmas decorations up until the house is tidied up
Seeing as it's the first week of December I feel pretty daunted !

Tell him if it's not sorted by X day, you are moving it and put it all in a box.

I don't understand how you live life that. Even if it is all his stuff I would still need to clean up and live somewhere tidy.

😂

Hopefully someone has tidied up by now!

Oops didn't notice the date! 😂

Nah, she’ll have left him