To expect a certain standard of behaviour at school?

[Jolliehollie]

DD is unhappy at school. To cut a very long story short, I've found another secondary school that she and I like, but DH says there's no point moving her as all comprehensive schools are the same.

Typical behaviours at her school include balled up paper spat at others, sanitary towels being thrown around, phones being put on vibrate under others' chairs, taken others' stationery, putting it down boys pants and throwing it back, trying to draw on others' faces with marker pen - all during lessons. Students typically talk through tests despite teachers' attempts to stop them. Teachers often don't know the students' names and call them "you". She's also not had her maths or English book marked since September.

Is DH right? Is this normal? Thanks

In my opinion YANBU. Dd 13 in mixed comphrensive in NI. There would be a bit of messing but not that extent. I would not be happy!!

Have you been in to see head of year?

ermmmm no....... it is not normal!

my girls are at a middle of the road secondary, but discipline - both instilled by the teachers, and self discipline of the students themselves is valued and expected as a minimum.

YANBU, definitely not normal. I have taught in a school where this was the standard, I now teach in a school only a few miles away where this behaviour is unheard of. Both comprehensives, similar catchments. Find a school where your DD is happy, IME there have been unhappy students who modify their behaviour to suit the masses as a coping strategy and, well, you can imagine how that turned out! And her books should have been marked and formally assessed. Teachers get a lot of stick and I'm usually the first to jump to their defence but not marking books for almost a term is asking for it.

No that's not normal. In some schools it is but mostly the behaviour is a lot better than you describe and exercise books should most certainly be marked.

I'd change school.

Mine was worse. But I went to a very rough school. We're talking CCTV cameras outside, tall fences with gates that locked us in once school started, and random drug checks with sniffer dogs. My school once hired a teacher who had been fired from being a university lecturer for having an affair with a student. I thought this was the norm until I moved to a posh area down south and met DH.

I still managed to get 9 GCSEs, because I wanted to work hard and do well. I think all state schools will have some disruptive pupils. I could be wrong though, DS is only a baby so not thinking that far ahead yet!

What time frame did all these incidents happen in; something like that daily, hourly, weekly?

No.

That's dreadful. You're right to move her.

How was its last OFSTED?

YANBU. They aren't all the same.

I went to 2 secondaries, both comprehensives (in 2 different towns in Canada), and they were like night and day.

At the first I was spat at, bullied into swearing, fires were regularly started in lockers, etc. Discipline inside the classrooms was actually OK, but the hallways, toilets, lunch room and locker bays were a bit of a war zone.

On my first day at the 2nd school, I was gobsmacked to have someone actually hold a door open for me - in a non-sarcastic, not as a joke then slamming it in my face, just being a decent person sort of way. No spitting, even when you had to walk through the "smokers' pit" (!), little swearing, and no fires.

Thank you everyone. I went to an independent secondary, which was very strict, and so DH says I have unreasonable expectations. But she comes home with stories like this every day, her grades have gone down since she left junior school over a year ago, and she was bullied that school have now finally sorted but it took over a year and a physical assault to sort.

I'm not being unreasonable then?!

YANBU, sounds unbelievably awful.

Hope that's not normal, my 2 are age 3 and 5 so no first hand experience for me.

Where is the school?

I'm a teacher and I would be horrified if any of those happened in my lessons. They wouldn't, though, because the students would know they were unacceptable. And if they did, the perpetrators would be getting an immediate detention.
As for the lack of marking, I would have been put on capability procedures if I hadn't marked books in that long.
So no- not normal at all!

Unreasonable? Christ no. School sounds a terrible dump.

Thank you, you know when you get to the point where you think "it's not me is it?!"
Nanny0gg, 18 months ago was Outstanding. Now Special Measures.

Ah. Not surprised. Has your DH not noticed that?

Nothing even approaching normal. How could you even contemplate leaving her in a bear pit like that?

I'm a secondary teacher too. None of that goes off in my lessons. Phones are immediately confiscated if out in lessons.

Marking is another issue. Kids often do their own marking these days

It's a normal crap school. Move her if you can.

Everything you mention (other than the mobile phones cause we didn't have them then) probably happened at some point whilst I was at my middle of the road comp, but spread over a 5 year period, certainly not every day.

If you've found another school you like, go for it. Hard to believe it would be worse tbh. I think the fact that your dd is even willing to contemplate moving schools/leaving friends behind suggests she must be pretty unhappy.

YANBU
DDs school is in special measures and it's nothing like that.
Mixed ability craft subjects tend to be a bit of a doss, but that sounds totally unacceptable.

Move her. I went to a school like that and I really wish my parents had moved me.

Mixed ability craftsubjects are a bit of a doss.

I teach a mixed ability craft subject. It is certainly not a doss. My entire class of y11 are all on for 100% A-C. Because they work bloody hard and I push them bloody hard. craft subjects are actually STEM subjects. How's that for dossing?