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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To sack off the Health Visitor?

29 replies

SukiTakeItOffAgain · 05/12/2013 15:53

My DD2 has had a really rough start in life and it's been very difficult for us all, and my HV has quite frankly been crap.

Contact at the beginning (when things were really touch and go and we were living away from home at a hospital) was very sporadic - I think she rang three times in three months. When DD finally got discharged it took the HV several days to visit us. We've had loads of issues with feeding which she wasn't particularly helpful with and in fact made me feel like it was all my fault that DD was such a bad feeder.

DD is now 6mo and I haven't had any contact from my HV for about 6 weeks. She sends an assistant round (who is a nursery nurse but not a HV iyswim) but we just chat, it doesn't really get me anywhere. Invariably I end up in tears about something (we have had and are having a really bad time) but the HV never contacts me and it must get back to her about all the problems! The nursery nurse will always make comments about my DD's development which only make me worry, and then having dropped some massive bombshell about eye contact or whatever she will just vanish into the night leaving me to fret!! She always says she will get the HV to ring me but the HV never does. It feels like the HV just ticks a box that says "seen!" and moves on.

The last time the NN came I managed to engineer it so she doesn't visit again (because frankly it's not helping me) and she said I have to take DD to see them every 2 weeks to be weighed. I don't intend to do this and I don't want to see either of them again because it just makes a bad situation even worse. AIBU and what happens if I don't take her and they don't hear from me? I've got so that I don't want to answer the phone in case it might be them. I stubbornly don't want them to know anything about us!!

DD is regularly in touch with hospital paediatricians who are pleased with how she's developing considering what she's been through, and it's this that has made me think I should just cut the HV team out. She also gets weighed at hospital or I can take her to doctors if need be where there is a scale for anyone to use, and just record it myself. I don't know what the rule is about having baby weighed but with DD1 it seemed to stop at a few months old although she was healthy whereas DD2 is only just on the chart.

Loads of info there sorry didn't want to dripfeed.

OP posts:

thebody · 05/12/2013 16:02

oh love, sorry you are having a hard time.

of course you don't have to see a HV or a NN. it's not the law.

ring them or email and say you are under the care of a paediatric team who are monitoring your dds progress and are happy with that. actually you don't need to do this anyway just don't answer the door to them or make any more appointments.

by dd4 I never bothered with the HV.

there is no law that days you have to have your baby weighed.

if you feel anxious just pop her up to the surgery.

if you feel anxious or depressed yourself go and chat to your GP, they will have seen all this before honestly.

enjoy your baby and try to out the past behind you. she sounds like she's doing great.

alranson · 05/12/2013 16:02

I have had v similiar experiences. Please PM me if you would like to.
The short answer is no, you don't have to. And the slightly less short answer is that, depending where you live, there are people who are more useful.

Sirzy · 05/12/2013 16:04

Do you get on with the HV when you see her? Given the circumstances I think I would contact them and request that the HV comes out and sees you rather than the NN. Make it clear that you don't feel that the NN is able to support the needs of your family.

loopylouu · 05/12/2013 16:05

If she is seeing peds regularly then there is no need for the HV - not that you have to see them anyway.

I had awful trouble shaking mine off, even though my ds was seeing a ped. The HV told me she knew more about babies! Ped was lovely though and wrote her a scathing letter reminding her that her service was not compulsory and to take us off her list.

CailinDana · 05/12/2013 16:10

Essentially the main role of hvs is child protection and due to funding cuts the emphasis is even more on that role. You are struggling on a personal level but as your dd is clearly well cared for you are not a concern. Nothing will happen if you don't contact them.

I wish women were told that in general hvs know about as much about child development as the average nurse - ie plenty about biology but very little about parenting apart from their own experiences. HVs aren't trained to help parents like you and it would solve a lot of problems if they were honest about it from the start.

KatyN · 05/12/2013 16:12

My HV was lovely but as ds was seeing a pediatrician I stopped seeing them and jsut saw the ped. They never chased me.

Totally ridiculous that they aren't being helpful with development. In the early days I had a few looks of concern from the HV re development until I said very firmly HE'S UNDER PEDIATRIC CARE.

I used the line that I didn't want him weighed too much as I might worry overly and also that the HV days clashed with other things we did. they stopped chasing us without me having to be rude.

Hope stuff gets a bit better for your little one (Mine was discharged from his Ped last week.. I might have cried even more than in the early days - actually that's not true, but I did cry a lot!)

xxx

PoppyAmex · 05/12/2013 16:24

DD didn't have health problems, but she was a massive baby (98th percentile and GD baby) and lost loads of fluids/weight on the first week.

The HV service was beyond dreadful.

I just gave birth 2 weeks ago; this time we showed her the baby scales we bought, explained we knew where she was if we needed her and sent her politely on her way. Best decision ever.

Hope things improve for you, OP.

frostyfingers · 05/12/2013 17:37

We changed ours with no problem at all. I can't remember the exact process but I started with the GP surgery as that was where she worked from. It was easy and no one seemed to mind or think it was unusual.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 05/12/2013 17:44

As your DD is being seen regularly by the hospital, I would definitely cut contact with the HV.

HV's can be great - I am not one for HV bashing at all - but, they are very much going on standard developmental targets which won't necessarily be accurate for your DD at the moment. The paediatrician will be able to give you much better advice & a much more accurate idea of how DD's development is progressing - given her particular health issues.

Conflicting opinions won't help you at all, so I would think it better to stick to the most informed opinion IYSWIM.

MinesAPintOfTea · 05/12/2013 17:52

The only medical value of hvs is to screen children so those struggling can be referred to appropriate services. Your dd is already under hospital care so they aren't adding anything.

MrsPatrickDempsey · 05/12/2013 17:56

Cailin - the information you have posted about the role of a HV is completely inaccurate.

CailinDana · 06/12/2013 13:59

Fair enough MrsDempsey how many hours of training and research do HVs do in children's cognitive development?

MrsPatrickDempsey · 06/12/2013 17:37

I am just completing the first trimester of my specialist community and public health nursing masters degree to become a health visitor. We have studied all aspects of child development ( including physical, emotional, social and cognitive) and all of the relevant theories for three months and have a three hour exam on the topic next week. This has been balanced with observing and undertaking development checks in the community and attending a placement at the children's assessment and development unit. I have not undertaken any research on the subject, admittedly.

CailinDana · 06/12/2013 18:45

Is that the full extent of your training on those topics or is there more to come?

jammiedonut · 06/12/2013 18:47

Cailin, it's sort of correct. Any nurse can train as a health visitor. Some however are paediatric nurses and know plenty about children's cognitive development. Some, not all of course, but OP or any other parent may be lucky enough to encounter one of these hv. My DM is one and knows a phenomenal amount, and having raised four children herself too has plenty of valuable advice to give to her clients.
Op if you are unhappy with the service you are receiving you are well within your rights to send her on her way. It is not compulsory at all.

CoconutRing · 06/12/2013 18:49

Don't bother with the HV. It's not compulsory. In my experience as a practice nurse, HVs seem to fall into two camps. On the one hand they are burnt out ex-midwives who just want an easy life, or they are some of the most dedicated hardworking individuals that I ever had the pleasure to work with.

HVs can be a life saver to some women. Sadly, some HVs can offer outdated and dangerous advice.

Enjoy your baby. You are doing a great job.

CailinDana · 06/12/2013 19:05

To be clear, I'm in no way anti-HVs. I think their job is incredibly important. I just think that the vast majority of parents are under the impression that they're experts in all aspects of child development and parenting and that their role is to give up to date research-based advice on everything from nappy rash to severe chromosome disorders. They can't possibly know all that and much of the advice they give is based on their own beliefs and experience. That's not to say it's wrong but the danger is that their advice will be given weight because it's from a professional even though it might be no better than the advice you'd get from your mum or friends.
It would be far better if women understood their role more clearly as it eould free HVs up to help families that really need it while other problems can be handled by GPs, ed/clinical psychs, etc.

CailinDana · 06/12/2013 19:08

To add, I had PND after dd was born and my HV was fab. All she did was call round amd keep an eye on me which was all I needed from her. The psych doctor and nurse took care of the PND.

bumperella · 06/12/2013 20:37

I didn't like my HV and dreaded seeing her. As well as being unhelpful, secretive and not entirely honest with her paperwork (eg number of visits etc), she was unprofessional and gossipy (those were her good traits, as I like a good gossip....so long as not about me...!).
I called to cancel an apt with her and just let things drift from then, and it made me much happier.

FutTheShuckUp · 06/12/2013 20:41

Thats rubbish Cailin- I am a trained paeds nurse who worked at a national centre of excellence. We also do lots of child development training in our degree course as well as when we are qualified. I do wish people would get their facts right concerning professions they like to continually slag off

WaxyDaisy · 06/12/2013 20:47

No Health professional should be giving out parenting advice based on having parented 4 or even 40 children of their own! To my mind it's more crucial than anything that they are debriefed of their own experiences and taught to focus on the people they are caring for. Sadly in my experience it's all too common for HVs to be full of 'advice', not all of which is based on any evidence whatsoever.

NearTheWindmill · 06/12/2013 21:41

The health visitor is legally obliged to offer the service; parents have no legal obligation to take it up. They just don't tell you that at ante-natal classes.

I would raise the issue with your GP. When I was an non exec GP's purchased HV services from the PCT and have to take some responsibility for the efficiency of the service they sub contract to.

Unfortunately, in my experience health visitors were worse than useless. They were nurses who had taken a course (what is pass mark dempsey - if it's 50% presumaby they can get half of the stuff wrong and still pass), liked paperwork but didn't like the grubbiness that came with actual nursing and caring. They were very very good at making excuses for failing to do the job to an adequate standard.

I sacked mine and wrote the local health trust outlining the reasons why; that's why I was invited to become a non exec two years later.

Personally I think the HV service was a national scandal 19 years ago and I believe it remains a national scandal that has been allowed to deteriorate.

NearTheWindmill · 06/12/2013 21:42

Apologies for typos.

alranson · 07/12/2013 00:57

I've been trying to stay out of this discussion because the topic makes my bp go crazy.
Just like any other profession, you get some good HVs, some mediocre HVs and some absolutely rubbish/dangerous ones. The problem is that new mothers can't spot a rubbish HV until it's too late and their morale/confidence has taken a disastrous bashing.

I wish more new mothers knew
a) it isn't compulsory to keep going back to see the HV
b) you don't have to do everything the HV tells you to
c) HVs, particularly IME the older ones who think they know it all, are often not up to date with the latest research and do not know it all.

Mumsyblouse · 07/12/2013 02:35

If you are under paed care, just ring up and say this and that you don't want visiting any more. I rang and said that with my second, and I also never took her to be weighed at the clinic (too much spreading germs) but I did hop on the scales at home with and without her so tracked her weight that way.

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