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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Santa visiting before Christmas

25 replies

fannythewonderdog · 05/12/2013 09:23

Hi all

I am a bit miffed (to say the least) by something my in laws are planning but want to check general consensus in case I am being unreasonable.

DS is almost 5. For the past 2 years, so the years he has known about Santa, we have spent Christmas with the in laws. It has been lovely and he has put carrots out for Rudolf with granny, etc. Lovely. Each year, SIL has decided to go on holiday over Christmas so, despite living round the corner from mil, has missed this.

This year we are going to my mums. My dad died last year and she wants to spent a Christmas with my DS before he loses his belief in Santa. Fine.

So, we are going to SIL's the weekend before Christmas and then going to my mums. They live too far apart, and mil has recently had an operation, so we can't all do Christmas together.

ANYWAY, DS spoke to SIL on the phone last weekend and he now thinks Santa is going to SIL's house on 21st December. He said SIL told him he knows where they live. Now, I am glad she wants to make Christmas magic but my mum is planning to take him to see Santa on Christmas Eve and I think Santa should only come once. I want my mum to put carrots out with him etc. and think it will dilute it if Santa has already been.

Of course, dh thinks it won't hurt and will be nice for DS to have 2 Christmases.

Who is being unreasonable? Am I justified in being miffed? Should I fight 'my' corner?

Thanks for reading :)

OP posts:

ICameOnTheJitney · 05/12/2013 09:26

I think you need to let it happen because really, I promise you it's nothing to worry about. In a few years he won't even remember probably...if you're really bothered, tell him that the Father Christmas coming to SILs is one of the real FC's helpers...I never tell my DC that the ones in grottos are real....they will see more than one FC every year you see....and wonder why they all look different!

We had one in nursery, one on a float in the local parade and then one in the grotto! Not one of them looked the same so I say "they're FC's helpers...not the real one."

SomethingkindaOod · 05/12/2013 09:36

Santa is also a very lovely man who will do a huge favour for your SIL and take some time out of his busy schedule to visit early .
Would that work?

MommyBird · 05/12/2013 09:38

Santa has popped by a few times before Christmas for my DD.

Once when she left her favourite/comfort toy at Pre school and he bought her a plush toy and a very quickly written letter to say an elf was looking after her toy at pre school and santa had bought this plush toy to keep her compay untill we could collect her favourite toy.

And once when she had a sickness bug, she was heartbroken so he bought her a story book.

She loved it. Abosolutly loved it.
However i can see why you're miffed. They have had a fee years its now your mums turn.

Maybe just say Santa will be coming to SIL but theres no need to leave anything because its just a pop in visit and he'll be having his tea when he gets back.

obviously i lie to my dd a fair bit

Original poster

fannythewonderdog · 05/12/2013 09:39

Thanks. Part of me thinks that. I am really not (i hope!) precious with any of the other bits. I mean I would LOVE to just have Christmas at our house for once and do the carrot thing, etc., myself but we always seem to be traipsing round the country appeasing everyone else!

I just feel a bit sorry for my mum as it's her first (and maybe last) time doing all this.

Next year we are staying at home. Alone!

OP posts:

Original poster

fannythewonderdog · 05/12/2013 09:40

I have a horrible feeling my SIL has bought things for a stocking. That IS unreasonable, isn't it?

OP posts:

MommyBird · 05/12/2013 09:45

If i'd of said 'no' and SIL did it anyway, i'd be abit miffed.

See..i'm abit laid back. In love Christmas and i love DD when she thinks santa has been.
but, they have had 2 years of the christmas magical feeling, its so your moms turn.

Maybe the eleves have bought a few bits for him? Orrr maybe do a christmas hamper at SIL? Like pjs, dvd,.new mug..that kinda thing. still magical but not as magical as santa?

Original poster

fannythewonderdog · 05/12/2013 09:55

Thanks MommyBird. Good compromise (the hamper/elves idea). I wonder if she'd go for that.

SIL is a bit (to put it politely) spoilt and gets what she wants all the time. Usually we just let her but this time I want to stick up for my mum!

Thanks for the compromise. I don't want to be seen as being the unreasonable one by saying carte blanche that she can't do it. I wouldn't mind so much if she took any interest - or saw him! - at any other time of year...

OP posts:

DeWe · 05/12/2013 10:19

I'm not usually that precious, but that would irritate me.

I would be tempted to say that you've already told Santa that you'll be at granny's house and Santa only takes instructions from parents.

If SIL has told him Santa will be at her house, then he might decide that he one at your parent's is not real, or think he won't get anything more. I wouldn't want someone else doing a stocking, particularly before Christmas.

MommyBird · 05/12/2013 10:21

I can see where you are coming from :)

If she doesn't bother with him much then she should'nt get the all lovely magical bits that only happen once a year! 100% stand up for your mum. It's her turn now. Be honest with SIL. Say you want to try this new christmas hamper, it sounds very special etcetc. She might love the idea that its the first time he's had one.
And say that you really want santa to visit just once at your mums house as she hasn't had that special time with him and stand your ground.

We have the eleves come on Christmas eve for dd with the christmas eve hamper so she has lovely new christmas jammies for christmas morning.

MommyBird · 05/12/2013 10:23

"That Santa only takes instructions from parents"

^^that!
She cannot argue with that.

Original poster

fannythewonderdog · 05/12/2013 10:25

Great, thanks. I really don't want to be unreasonable but do want my mums time with him to be special.

Hamper brought by elves it is (or nothing :))

Thank you again

OP posts:

Maryz · 05/12/2013 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MommyBird · 05/12/2013 10:32

I'm bonkers anyway.
10x worse at Christmas

ICameOnTheJitney · 05/12/2013 10:49

You're all mad! Mad for convincing your DC that shopping centre Sants are the real thing I mean. They get exposed to loads of the buggers!

Original poster

fannythewonderdog · 05/12/2013 11:18

I have never told my DS that the Santa he sees in the shops is the real Santa. They are helpers as Santa is so busy. That's why I don't want him to go to my SIL's. He's too busy!

OP posts:

girlywhirly · 05/12/2013 13:03

I would go with the hamper idea. As SIL doesn't have much to do with DS generally, he won't see it as superior to the stocking and presents he will have with you and your mum. In fact, does SIL have any idea what 5yo boys like, and could she do with some 'assistance' choosing items for the hamper?

Be glad that SIL is taking an interest at last, let her know that the hamper is instead of a stocking. It won't be happening again next year because the circumstances will be different and as someone said, he probably won't remember what he got anyway.

Scholes34 · 05/12/2013 13:13

I've never been a big one for perpetuating the myth of Father Christmas. My DC have always been at home on Christmas morning, and if we've visited relatives after Christmas Day, there's usually been presents at their houses. However, presents before Christmas? I don't think I could run with that, not even now when the DCs are 16, 15 and 13. It's just not the done thing.

ArtexMonkey · 05/12/2013 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

phantomnamechanger · 05/12/2013 14:07

so is SIL expecting him to have his main presents, early, at her house then? or is she going to be saying the gift she has bought for him is from santa

mad

nothing wrong with doing an early celebration with family, but don't bring santa into it!

Original poster

fannythewonderdog · 06/12/2013 06:27

Great, thanks for all the replies. I am happy to open their presents and have a 'mini Christmas' with that side of the family. But Santa only comes once....

Scholes - I don't do much about Santa, either, but mil started the carrot thing (never did that when I was a kid!) so my mum wants to do it.

OP posts:

poppy1973 · 06/12/2013 06:37

I would be straight with SIL and tell her not to bother with stockings and to pass them onto you or your mum quietly while your little one isn't looking. It can go out on christmas eve as that is the only time the stocking go out.

If she wants to do presents then that is fine, its not like she is going to have Santa dress up at her house, is it ?? Don't worry the children always see other Santas before christmas, in school fetes, etc. My children always believe that the real Santa travels around Christmas eve for present delivery and we always track Santa online on NOMAD.

Jinty64 · 06/12/2013 06:43

I am taking my son and his little friend to a special evening with Santa. I think this might be their last year of truly believing. I discussed it with the other little boys Mum first as I do believe this time is special and wanted to make sure she was happy with it first. She is happy for him to go but is going to come with us, which is fine.

SIL should have checked with you to see what arrangements you would prefer. I think the elf's hamper is a lovely idea.

Backtobedlam · 06/12/2013 07:16

Christmas really seems to bring out the worst in some adults, they seem to forget its actually for the DC and do what THEY want instead. YANBU and if you can say outright you'd rather they wait until christmas for stockings and presents I'd stand up and tell them. However, from experience when I've tried this, certain relatives ignore what we want and go ahead anyway.

Nerfmother · 06/12/2013 07:24

Think I agree with bedlam. Just noticed your mum only wants to do it because mil started it. Fgs!
I don't think any five year old will think anything other than ' yay presents ' and you are massively overthinking this.

DustyBaubles · 06/12/2013 07:43

I think part of the magic of Christmas Eve/Santa is the idea that everyone everywhere is part of the same thing for that one night (I know all of the logical counter-examples).

Giving gifts a week early, and having a nice dinner - fine. But Father Christmas only visits my children once, on the night of Christmas Eve.

That holds true regardless of whether or not someone's working/away/ill.

We are vaguely religious though, so moving Christmas doesn't really work. It would make the church services etc. rather less special.

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