To tell 12 year old DD to sit upstairs on the bus.

[pickledsiblings]

DD gets a parent organised bus to school. The kids on the bus tend to sit in year groups (which I think is the norm) and all the other year 8s are boys. Recently, one boy in particular has been annoying her, things like pulling her earphones out and banging a rugby ball on the back of her seat.

My advice was to sit upstairs away from them so that's what she did. A few of the year 10 boys who where there told her that she couldn't sit upstairs and that she'd better not be up there tomorrow.

Now she's in a quandary and doesn't know what to do tomorrow. She feels that she may have done the wrong thing by going upstairs as she has essentially just made herself unpopular with another group of boys.

Did I give her the wrong advice?

I don't know what to suggest tbh OP. I think my own DD would probably have floored the idiots but obviously that isn't the correct response . Otherwise I would be tempted to let her choose where she sits for herself, while pointing out the possible advantages of sitting near the driver.

I agree with the posters that say that this isn't acceptable and by ignoring and excusing this behaviour as "normal if a male likes a female", we are feeding into the idea that it is OK to treat someone badly who youvare supposed to have feelings for and that Femsles should put up with bad behaviour because they are liked.

You see this in younger children and girls being told they should put up with it and the effect in them minimised.

In no other relationship do we say that this behaviour should be tolerated, or excused.

That is why this continues and unfortunately schools do have to make up for ineffective parenting (even if through lack of knowledge).

At least describe the behaviour as it is, unacceptable and make it clear that if the boy grew up and didn't change or "grow out if it", then he would be abusive.

God, who'd be a teenager again?! I hated the school bus.

If I was your DD, I think I would give sitting with the Yr 8 boys another shot. I can imagine the yr 10 boys will throw her bag downstairs. Can she ask the Yr8s to stop (assume she's done that, but more firmly), and then move on to the form teacher? If they still don't stop she can then approach form teacher again asking for a different solution (boys banned for a few days hopefully!).

Fwiw I wouldn't expect the driver to sort things out. He's busy driving. He is responsible for their welfare as someone upthread suggested, but I rather think he'd be neglecting their welfare if he was sorting out arguments rather than watching the road.

Thanks for the responses.

She sat upstairs and no one said anything to her but the main Y10 offender from yesterday wasn't on. The Y8 boy's mother has agreed to have a word with him. The concerned Dad organiser bloke got on the bus at her stop and had a word with the driver. He then followed behind in his car and got on the bus again at the stop that the other boys get on at.

Hopefully that's it sorted for now. I agree that we shouldn't minimise this behaviour in any way.

Wow! I am very impressed with Mr Bus organiser! That is taking his voluntary position very seriously indeed. Good for him. Can you send him round to sort out my DS's bus please?!
It must be reassuring to know that there is someone who will so readily follow up any issues.
Glad DD was ok today. Lets hope it continues